This is not an original idea. It used to be a syndicated newspaper feature which in my yoof I enjoyed daily, but have not seen the like in years. And yet it helped me to become the open-minded and sensitive old fart I am today. Essentially, it's a constructive exercise in perspective and points of view.

1. I am big boned.
2. You are pleasantly plump.
3. He is grossly obese.

3. They committed an atrocious sneak attack
2. You caught them by surprise.
1. We initiated a pre-emptive action.

Give it some thought. Even if you never post one, you'll catch yourself doing it, and the world will be a better place.

This is supposed to stimulate your input and all I see so far is rave reviews.
What I want is your versions of an ego-centric world.
Input people!  I n p u t !
Flattery I can get from my dog.

1. I am a genius.
2. You're a pretty smart fella.
3. He thinks he knows everything.

"It's one of those irregular verbs, isn't it?
I have an independant mind,
you are eccentric,
he is round the twist"

"That's another of those irregular verbs, isn't it?
I give confidential briefings,
you leak,
he is being prosecuted under section 2a of the official secrets act"

I was inspired to come up with my own at the time, but my mental regurgitation ain't what it used to be, and they probably weren't any good anyway.

Men find me irresistable.
You're developing a reputation.
She's a slut.

I married a man who could support our children.
You only want him for his money.
She's nothing better than a whore.

My face is beginning to show character
You're starting to show your age
She's a poor raddled old hag

I am a perfectionist
You're a little fussy
She's a control freak

- I am an attractive person.
- You're not too shabby.
- He is a self-absorbed narcissist.

I use cosmetics to enhance my features
You lay it on a bit heavy
She applies her make up with a pressuried hose

I'm the life of the party.
You're obnoxious.
He's making an ass of himself.

I am tactful
You are economical with the truth
He is a bare-faced liar

I know my own mind
You take some convincing
She's as stubborn as a mule.

   
I budget wisely and spend cautiously.
   
You're very ..frugal. Are you Scottish?
   
He's a miserly tightwad.

I'm a wee bit tiddly.   
You've had a cupful.   
   He's totally obliterated.    ...

I'm slightly confused.
He seems a bit abstracted.
She's short a shelf from her Reference Section.

I have an idea when it comes to electronics   
You are good at electronics   
He is an electronics Genius   

I made an honest mistake.
You should know better.
He's an incompetent boob.

I'm setting priorities.
You don't appear to be overly fast at several things.
He's a procrastinator.

1. I        express myself freely, creatively, on a wide range of subjects across the internet.
2.    You're a flaming troll!
3. And then         there's Wumbeevil.

I show interest in other people.
You are a bit nosy.
She is an interfering busybody.

I am a slightly absent-minded middle-aged woman
You are forgetful (it's your age dear)
She is a senile old crone    

I have my little bedtime peccadilloes.
You are a perverted b*****d
He is a Conservative MP.

I am economical with the truth.
You are a lying b*****d.
Hi, I'm Richard Nixon.

I love to entertain visitors.
You will look at the clock and say, "Oh is that the time?"
He is Fred West.

I will spend all day cooking a banquet for dinner guests.
You will send out to the local takeaway for six curries.
He is Jeffrey Dahmer.

Wilson was a socialist.
Heath was a Conservative.
Ooh look, is that Tony Blair?

I am a moron.
You have the brains of JFK apres Dallas.
He watches Neighbours.

I am a Spindoctor.
You are Joseph Goebbels.
He makes ads for TV.

I am not a doormat
You give as good as you get
He is a vengeful barsteward

I commune with angels
You're quite psychic
She wears too much patchouli.

I freelance.
You're between engagements.
He's a lazy shiftless unemployed bum, with far too much time on his hands.

I have a good sense of humour
You are desperate for approval
He should have a contract to write comedy for the BBC   

I'm a bit ecentric
You're a little crazy
He's mad as a hatter.

I'm a rascal
You're naughty
He ought to be locked up for ever

I think things through carefully.
You take an awfully long time to make up your mind.
He's incapable of making a decision.

I'm not afraid to spend a dollar when I have to.
You've been known to splash out a bit on occassion.
He throws his money around as if it'll solve everything.

They are religious fanatics.   
You're entitled to your beliefs.   
I put my Faith in the Power of the Lord and govern my life by the Word of God.   

As a professional writer I am often obliged to create attractive copy for products, services and causes that are not necessarily to my liking.
You have been known to write whatever the client wants in order to make a living.
He's an unprincipled hack!

I like my job.
you work to much
he is a workaholic.

I look nicely inconspicuous in this outfit.
you do stand out a bit, dear.
my god! is he desparate for attention or what?!?

If called upon I would risk making the ultimate sacrifice for the things I truly believe in.
You'd stick your neck out if the situation demanded it.
He's a suicidal maniac.

I am bubbly.   
You're rather voluble.   
She's got verbal diarrhoea.   

I enjoy my own company
You're not very sociable
He's a misanthropic old hermit

I enjoy a good sporty car and motor briskly.
You're a bit of a leadfoot hot-rodder.
He's a speed demon.

I'm a critical viewer
You want entertaining
He's a couch potato.

I have an enquiring mind
You like to surf the web
He's a nerd.   

I'm proud of myself
You have a big ego
He thinks he's god's gift to humanity

I like to give my children plenty of space to make their own decisions
You are very patient with your offspring
Her kids are hooligans

They're a pack of savage murderers.
You will be remembered for your sacrifice.
I have struck a wondrous blow against the great Satan.

They are brainwashed mindless automotons in the service of totalitarian despots.
You really do believe everything your government tells you, dontcha.
I am a patriot. I enjoy shopping, commuting, movies, video games and watch mostly news and sports on TV.

I have stood atop the World Trade Towers
You probably are well aquainted with their statistics
Until Sept. 11th he probably never heard of them.

I use American dates(ie Mo/day/yr)
You probably use british dates ie day/Mo/yr)
He is to illiterate to use either one.

I don't sit on the fence
You need to look at things from both sides
He is a bigot

I like eating honey and lying on my back watching clouds.
You are a useless, shiftless, gut-stuffing honey maniac.
He (it?) is Winney The Pooh.

1st: I'm just checking my e-mails, dear!
2nd: Could you free the line please - I'd like to ring my mother some time this week.
3rd:

I am the Lord thy God. Thou shalt have no other Gods before me.
You are a mercilessly indiscriminate and cruel prankster. "Stone Cold" Steve Austin rules.
Screw Him for breaking my Nintendo. Pass the Doritos.

I like to become reasonably conversant with anything I encounter.   
You have an addictive personality.    
He is a net junkie.   

I use all available time
You are not very punctual
"He'd be late for his own funeral"

I'm confused.
You can't help me.
He gave up .......

I need to spend *some* time on h2g2, and other hours are taken!
"Is this an obsession?"
She never does anything else.

I think therefore I am.
YOu only think that.
He needs to get out more.

Self confidence is the key to my success.
You seem pretty sure of yourself.
He's a swaggering self-righteous egomaniac.

i'm not affraid to express my opinions.   
you're, er, talkative.   
he never shuts up!   

I am a freedom fighter
You are a terrorist
He is a member of al-Qaida/Islamic Jihad/the IRA/..........
(delete/fill in space as required)

I am a light switch.
You turn me on.
They are part of a manually controlled domestic system for the distribution of electricity and the timed production of light within the home.

1.This property has unique decor.
2.The owner has dubious taste in decor.
3.There are mushrooms growing out of the rising damp.

I have property with a lovely, evolving water frontage.
You're having erosion problems.
They should know better than to fight mother nature.
She always wins st mud-rasslin.

I sometimes don't understand
You are confused
He couldn't follow toothpick instructions

My English is fluent
Your grammer needs some attention
They can't talk........

Why is this how most english think, there are other languages...

My birthday party was a flop.
You were left standing at the altar.
They are going to a Bar Mitzvah.

I've being seeing someone regularly.
You seem to be stuck with one guy lately.
She might as well be married.

I get their attention
You flirt
She's a s**g

I was totally discreet, I'm sure no one could hear me...
Heard the bad news...
You'll never guess what happened today, this guy at the restaurant had a screaming fight with his wife over the cell, yelling about "medication" and doctors, at the end he yelled something about a divorce and stormed out of there, everyone was staring at him.    

I work Hard
You're studious
He's a nerd

I take pride in my handwriting.
You shouldn't write in such a hurry.
He is a doctor.

I get up, wash, dress and leave the house in fifteen minutes.
My wife spends ages in the bathroom.
Have you met my teenage daughter?

I am occasionally abrasive.
You often annoy people.
Oh, look. There's Vanessa Feltz.

I speak 7 languages fluently.
I don't know about the other 6, but you seem to be having trouble with English, in any case.
He can barely get by in any foreign language, but speaks seven quite badly.

I don't make friends easily
You are shy
He has never said anything interesting

I am very popular
You put yourself in the centre of everything
He has his fingers in everything, whither we want it or not.

I like to experiment with new ideas.
You have an intellectual sense of adventure.
He'll try 'anything', and not just once.

I am tactful
You should speak up a bit more often
He never has an original thought.

I call a spade a spade
You're rather blunt
He's like a bull in a china shop.

I'm just interested.
You here too?
He's stalking me!

I ate my share.
We are paying our part.
He went to the loo
and never came back...

I *like* TJ Hooker.   
You're Weird.   
He's got a gun!