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Male Sex Drive

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Messages: 1 - 50 of 117
  • Message 1. 

    Posted by HelenHost (U8441356) on Friday, 30th May 2008

    Men are always thinking about sex and would have sex all the time if possible. That’s the basic stereotype of a man, right? And yet, it seems that low sex drive amongst men is a far greater issue than that stereotype would suggest. Relate says they've seen a 40% increase in men who say they've simply gone off sex. Is your relationship being affected because your male partner can't be bothered with sex? Or, are you a man who just doesn't want to have sex any more? We'll be discussing the issue on Woman's Hour next Thursday [5th June] and would like to hear your views.

  • Message 2

    , in reply to message 1.

    Posted by artistlily (U11263229) on Friday, 30th May 2008

    I reckon some men feel emasculated and confused about their roles as men, as women have grown in confidence and capability. Some men see these strong, confident women (and some of them watch sex and the city and believe it) and feel scared that their performance will be met with scorn and derision.

    Report message2

  • Message 3

    , in reply to message 2.

    Posted by davser (U1195784) on Friday, 30th May 2008

    I reckon some men feel emasculated and confused about their roles as men, as women have grown in confidence and capability. Some men see these strong, confident women (and some of them watch sex and the city and believe it) and feel scared that their performance will be met with scorn and derision.  

    Sure.

    And here was me thinking that the general view on this mb was that women are downtrodden by society, lack confidence in themselves and are generally undervalued by everyone.

    Hardly consistent with the message above.

    Report message3

  • Message 4

    , in reply to message 3.

    Posted by davser (U1195784) on Friday, 30th May 2008

    As for the OP it's probably the fact that in cities in England there is so much synthetic female hormone in the water supply due to the contraceptive pill that English blokes are turning into females as evidenced by the very reduced sperm counts in England.

    Not a problem for us Scots as we have highest counts Europe after Finland!

    Hooray!

    Report message4

  • Message 5

    , in reply to message 2.

    Posted by PeterPiper (U1589324) on Friday, 30th May 2008

    <>

    Lily,

    NO, never met one. Any of us, men or women, might bfeel intimidated by someone more in charge than we are but that is not a man woman thing. I do not go around all day frightened of newly empoweered women usurping my role as a male...and if I did meet someone who I felt intimidated by, I certainly would not want to start a sexual relationship with them - and nor should any woman - so the problem of being unable to perform in bed would not arise.

    I see no difference here between a woman going to bed early or feigning sleep to avoid sex or being unaroused or even complaining of discomfort and a man having difficulty getting aroused. Certainly, for men there can sometimes an anxiety about not being able to satisfy the woman - who seem to have a lot more trouble being satisfied than men - but that depends on the man, some would not feel this at all.

    But the main problem is unresolved disputes...these can develop from just being annoyed on that night to the next night and the next night and the longer it goes on the morte distant an active sex life becomes...that goes for men and women.

    But rest assured Lily, we are not quaking in our boots.

    Report message5

  • Message 6

    , in reply to message 4.

    Posted by tipsytopsy (U2348087) on Friday, 30th May 2008

    re 4 davser

    Not a problem for us Scots as we have highest counts Europe after Finland!  

    Tut tut davser: who's confusing fertility with virility then? smiley - laugh

    Report message6

  • Message 7

    , in reply to message 1.

    Posted by U12054948 (U12054948) on Friday, 30th May 2008

    helen our beloved host
    there are so many interesting things to talk about why does WH have to go all air-head so very often. these days everything at the bbc seems to be decided by committees of the intellectually infirm - 25 year old know-nuffins nodding at each other. you going to have to do better than this to keep me listening to WH; this theme bloomin well SUCKS!!!!!!!

    Report message7

  • Message 8

    , in reply to message 7.

    Posted by suzeemoon (U3669767) on Friday, 30th May 2008

    What's 'air-head' about exploring idea that men are said to be sex-obsessed, but appear to be having issues with desire at the moment? Sounds like a reasonable discussion to me. Much as I love a good book, I have an interest in sex as well.

    Report message8

  • Message 9

    , in reply to message 8.

    Posted by U12054948 (U12054948) on Friday, 30th May 2008

    moon!
    hi how are you? so if blokes are getting all soft and ninny about the nethers just who the sam hill is hitting on all those porno sites we're inundated by...if a man reports libido-deficit check out the state of his missus, let's tackle the prob head on: women letting themselves go.

    Report message9

  • Message 10

    , in reply to message 1.

    Posted by listener (U10967204) on Friday, 30th May 2008

    I believe that both men and women need to feel desired to feel sexy. If either of a couple has to pursuade the other to participate then it is off putting for both.

    I know of a couple of female friends who 'allow' their husbands to have sex with them every now and then. This cannot be good for the libido of the men or the relationship in the whole.

    Overheard down the pub, bloke talking to his mates "Took the wife out for a meal for her birthday, got her flowers, chocolates and champagne. Tried cuddling up at bed time and she said "Ger'off, it's my birthday not yours" "

    Is this untypical?

    Report message10

  • Message 11

    , in reply to message 10.

    Posted by birdonthewire (U7703603) on Friday, 30th May 2008

    Perhaps the main difference thse days is that more men attend Relate counsellling and are prepared to discuss thse matters openly - and thus become statistics.

    I think the main cause of loss of desire in both men and women in relationships is that desire can evaporate in a long term relationship, just through familiarity, and this sometimes happens to one partner more than the other - though the relationship seems sound in othe respects.

    Medications can have an effect on men ability - particularly anti-depressants, etc. - are more men taking these today? Alcohol, of course has the same affect. And the psychiatric problems that cause people to take thse drugs are , perhaps, becoming more prevalent.

    I think most male impotence is found to be of phsychological origin, so if todays men are more prone to mental illness, and the accompanying feelings of low self-esteem, then this might have an effect on their ability to engage with women - on every level.

    Re artistlillys point - if modern men are more sensitive to womens sexual needs these days, they feel more pressure to satisfy in bed, and are more aware of what women want - thus they could become inhibited by performance anxiety.

    But was there a time when red blooded unnuerotic men never had problems making love.....no there wasn't, men just didn't talk about it.

    Report message11

  • Message 12

    , in reply to message 10.

    Posted by crumbs (U11179023) on Friday, 30th May 2008

    listener, I have no idea whether it's typical – hope not! But I do think the opinion that Men are always thinking about sex and would have sex all the time if possible.  is pretty widespread, so when men lose interest in sex it can be pretty devastating for their partner. Many women will blame themselves, thinking that they are no longer attractive rather than accepting that he has just lost his libido (for whatever reason).

    Report message12

  • Message 13

    , in reply to message 12.

    Posted by joanie-d (U6864336) on Friday, 30th May 2008

    One thing for sure - "Woman's Hour" is ALWAYS thinking about s*x !!

    Report message13

  • Message 14

    , in reply to message 1.

    Posted by headey (U2401200) on Friday, 30th May 2008

    I loved the line in Abbey Lee's book; "They say men think about sex every 7 seconds. What I want to know is what are they thinking about for the other six?"

    Report message14

  • Message 15

    , in reply to message 14.

    Posted by tipsytopsy (U2348087) on Friday, 30th May 2008

    Maybe if there wasn't such a current obsession about sex - talking about it, writing about it, counselling about it, worrying about whether you are doing it often enough, well enough, in enough positions with the right person or enough partners and so on, men and women would stop questioning whether they are 'normal' or not and just get on with life...who knows, they might even relax enough to find their (apparently) lost libidos.

    Report message15

  • Message 16

    , in reply to message 9.

    Posted by suzeemoon (U3669767) on Friday, 30th May 2008

    head,
    I tremble at the thought of challenging your massive intellect. My lack of Russian nakes me feel so unworthy, but... Are you not confusing lack of libido with impotence?

    Women letting themselves go? I've just decided to invest in green eyeshadow - Oh! I suppose you're not listening to the delightful Pymm?smiley - biggrin it's where I get all my advice on men...smiley - biggrin Much less time-consuming and scary than Lawrence and daisy-plaiting...

    Report message16

  • Message 17

    , in reply to message 11.

    Posted by suzeemoon (U3669767) on Friday, 30th May 2008

    Good points, Bird. I read something a while back - Article "So How Is Your Sex life These Days" by Polly Vernon in The Observer Woman magazine, commenting on book by Esther Perel on desire.
    I found this really interesting:
    'You know one thing, when I ask people: when was the last time you looked at your husband or wife, and you felt desire. And you know what they always say? Not: "When we were like this [she holds a hand up, very close to her face], staring into each other's eyes and holding hands." No.

    It's always: "When I saw her giving some talk or some presentation, like at work or something, and she didn't even know I was there." Or: "When he was about to go windsurfing, and he was so in his own mind and doing something that had nothing to do with me or the kids." It's when they see the distance between them, when they recognise that person as completely separate from them! That's when they feel erotic desire. And that's what you must keep in a relationship, to keep the sex.' I think this is possibly one of the truest things I have ever heard. 

    www.estherperel.com...

    Report message17

  • Message 18

    , in reply to message 15.

    Posted by butterfly (U10650181) on Friday, 30th May 2008

    "Maybe if there wasn't such a current obsession about sex "by passingthetime

    such a 'current obsession' When was it ever passé ????????

    Report message18

  • Message 19

    , in reply to message 18.

    Posted by tipsytopsy (U2348087) on Friday, 30th May 2008

    butterfly


    Read my post again - perhaps I wasn't clear, so apologies if so.

    The /current/ obsession is obsessing /about/ sex as opposed to doing it.

    If you obsess verbally or in writing about anything long enough people start wondering about it - is this normal, is that normal, what am I doing right, wrong, generally contemplating their own navels etc..

    Finally, they just get bored, think 'what the heck' and switch off....

    Report message19

  • Message 20

    , in reply to message 18.

    Posted by Roxy (U3934048) on Friday, 30th May 2008

    ...if a man reports libido-deficit check out the state of his missus, let's tackle the prob head on: women letting themselves go. 

    Thanks for the biggest laugh I've had today, Pinkpunk. Very nice it was too - a real guffaw. I am LOLLING all over the shop here. Cheers!

    Report message20

  • Message 21

    , in reply to message 19.

    Posted by butterfly (U10650181) on Friday, 30th May 2008

    "Read my post again - perhaps I wasn't clear, so apologies if so."by passingthetime

    I'm with you now, yes and totally agree.

    Report message21

  • Message 22

    , in reply to message 14.

    Posted by wotnun (U2107213) on Friday, 30th May 2008

    "What I want to know is what are they thinking about for the other six?"


    1 hippopotamus.

    2 hippopotamus.

    3 hippo.....

    Report message22

  • Message 23

    , in reply to message 3.

    Posted by artistlily (U11263229) on Saturday, 31st May 2008

    Davser, your somewhat bitter reply makes me think you interpreted my post as somehow gloating or something equally distasteful. How sad that you have that outlook. I was merely stating what I see....*some* men have got confused about their roles.

    Report message23

  • Message 24

    , in reply to message 5.

    Posted by artistlily (U11263229) on Saturday, 31st May 2008

    RichardTovey, I agree with you re: women, but the op was about men.
    I also think women who pull stunts like pretending to be asleep are being passive aggressive, which is a very nasty way to treat someone.
    This of course isnt the case where the woman is pretending to be asleep because she is either afraid of the man or he stinks or something.
    Regarding women being harder to satisfy than men (generally speaking) this has always been the case but its due to shows like SATC which have really brought this subject into the public eye. That is why I said what I did.
    Richard....I am sure you do not fall into any of these categories! smiley - winkeye

    Report message24

  • Message 25

    , in reply to message 20.

    Posted by floopowder (U4607613) on Saturday, 31st May 2008

    My husband has a very high sex drive, but I can take it or leave it, preferably the latter.smiley - laugh I go with the flow and think of the universe! smiley - laugh

    Report message25

  • Message 26

    , in reply to message 25.

    Posted by U12054948 (U12054948) on Saturday, 31st May 2008

    sarniajoy - we KNOW!

    Report message26

  • Message 27

    , in reply to message 1.

    Posted by listener (U10967204) on Saturday, 31st May 2008

    What these days is considered a high or low sex drive? I believe that libido changes with age for both men and women and also the duration of a relationship has an effect (I believe that for many, sex tales off to less than once a week after a few years).

    Perhaps it is not so much that people are only now starting to suffer from a loss of libido but that they always tailed off but thought that was normal. Today's sex obsessed media could lead folk to think there is something 'wrong' with them because they don't want to be doing it every day?

    What is 'normal'? smiley - erm

    Report message27

  • Message 28

    , in reply to message 27.

    Posted by floopowder (U4607613) on Saturday, 31st May 2008

    <<<<(I believe that for many, sex tales off to less than once a week after a few years).>>>>

    I WISH!!!! smiley - laugh

    Report message28

  • Message 29

    , in reply to message 28.

    Posted by albback (U11643252) on Saturday, 31st May 2008

    I found it tailed off in my early fifties when I hit the male menapause.

    Report message29

  • Message 30

    , in reply to message 2.

    Posted by petal jam (U1466691) on Saturday, 31st May 2008

    Sat, 31 May 2008 13:54 GMT, in reply to artistlily in message 2



    Oh lily - this is rank disinformation put about by people who haven't got their brains in gear before they unzip. If there are more women expecting to enjoy sex then that means more available sex, not the other way round.

    The most significant change, imo, is that we have gradually become accustomed to talking about the operational bits of our sexuality - first women [as you might expect] then 'couples', then men as individuals who compare themselves negatively with the popular image of everlasting pleasure-giver but no longer keep their worries to themselves or convince themselves that they are simply more moral or more gentlemanly or sense a Petrarchian sonnet coming on.

    Suspect that the very fact of Viagra's existence, even more perhaps than the contraceptive pill, has encouraged men /and/ women to feel that they are entitled to a satisfying experience of sex. Sometimes I wonder whether men would really prefer a pill which gives them a Porsche for four hours. Perhaps aspiration is as important as changes in emotional expression of sexual needs.

    Not persuaded by <> IIRC some long-standing studies showed that men have subconscious sexual prompts every seven minutes, while women have longer intervals. Can't remember off had how this was translated into a conscious reminders of sex, nor any adjustment for age or current relationship status.

    My hunch is that women's sexual response is so much more diffuse than men's that they have just as many prompts - including squealing over handbags [a Freudian device if ever there was one] - just that they aren't recognised as such or are assuaged by conscious sensual experience [e.g. chocolate, heightened sense of touch or smell] and perhaps by non-specifically sexual social contact.

    NB On preview I removed a number of unintended doubles entendres. Those left in betray a Carry On prurience suitable for the middle-aged. Oh and on an interpersonal level, I agree mostly with with Richard [message 5]. Anecdotally I think that some men just need sexual intercourse less often than others and that this is unrelated to either their social appreciation for women or their enjoyment of their own sexuality. Sometimes, just sometimes, we would all prefer a nice hug!¬)

    Report message30

  • Message 31

    , in reply to message 30.

    Posted by SMAMSES (U9700999) on Saturday, 31st May 2008

    Male sex drive ? I am supposed to have that as well these days ? Has it become obligatory by some pice of legislation I have missed ?

    I once went to a whist drive if that is any help...

    Report message31

  • Message 32

    , in reply to message 31.

    Posted by albback (U11643252) on Saturday, 31st May 2008

    As your sex drive lessens, your interest in model trains increases. A proven scientific fact. smiley - laugh

    Report message32

  • Message 33

    , in reply to message 32.

    Posted by listener (U10967204) on Saturday, 31st May 2008

    As your sex drive lessens, your interest in model trains increases. 

    Sarniajoy - get your man a train set smiley - biggrin

    Report message33

  • Message 34

    , in reply to message 33.

    Posted by floopowder (U4607613) on Saturday, 31st May 2008

    <<<>>>

    He gave it to our grandsons! smiley - laugh

    Report message34

  • Message 35

    , in reply to message 34.

    Posted by PeterPiper (U1589324) on Saturday, 31st May 2008

    One thing I did not mention and no one else has; men are sometimes distracted and that will lead to a loss of erection - actually in most cases. It could be something serious - like a secret gambling debt or trouble at work...any kind of anxiety...it might just be a leaky pipe. He may not have told you about it - doesn't want to worry you.

    Or it might just be a loss of concentration on the job in hand.

    Also, there are some very insensitive women out there....so treat this with kid gloves.

    Report message35

  • Message 36

    , in reply to message 35.

    Posted by Roxy (U3934048) on Saturday, 31st May 2008

    Is "a leaky pipe" a euphemism?

    Report message36

  • Message 37

    , in reply to message 36.

    Posted by U12142684 (U12142684) on Saturday, 31st May 2008

    and what is a multiple euphemism?

    Report message37

  • Message 38

    , in reply to message 37.

    Posted by U12142684 (U12142684) on Saturday, 31st May 2008

    Sorry richard and you were being so serious too!
    smiley - biggrin

    Report message38

  • Message 39

    , in reply to message 38.

    Posted by PeterPiper (U1589324) on Monday, 2nd June 2008

    Bah!

    You people are so immature!

    Leaky piping could have been a euphemism for a prostate problem - but I didn't think of it.

    Report message39

  • Message 40

    , in reply to message 23.

    Posted by davser (U1195784) on Monday, 2nd June 2008

    Davser, your somewhat bitter reply  

    So you interpreted my reply as bitter? Interesting you said that, maybe says more about you than me.

    I was pointing out an inconsistency on these boards.

    Don't worry, I'll remember now, if you highlight incosistency you must be bitter. Gotcha.

    Report message40

  • Message 41

    , in reply to message 20.

    Posted by PeterPiper (U1589324) on Monday, 2nd June 2008

    This reminds me of Claire in the community....a scene at the end when Claire is talking about something which happened that day and he says "Come on, concentrate, otherwise I'll be down here all night".

    Report message41

  • Message 42

    , in reply to message 40.

    Posted by artistlily (U11263229) on Monday, 2nd June 2008

    "Don't worry, I'll remember now, if you highlight incosistency you must be bitter. Gotcha."

    ........now you are being sarcastic.

    Report message42

  • Message 43

    , in reply to message 1.

    Posted by amoeba2 (U8913269) on Monday, 2nd June 2008

    I'd like to throw in a couple of ideas that I haven't seen expressed here.

    1. A physical cause. No-one's mentioned testosterone levels - which decrease with age. Doesn't this (naturally) lead to a diminution in libido?

    2. A psychological cause. As couples get to the menopausal age, it's well-known that men hanker after younger women in order to stimulate a better response. Is this because there's a sort of "taboo" in having sex with an "old" woman because it's like "doing it" with your mother? Or is it because because younger women are (usually) visually more desirable, and that that naturally provides more stimualtion for a better "response"?

    Report message43

  • Message 44

    , in reply to message 43.

    Posted by RoseGeranium (U1943395) on Monday, 2nd June 2008

    Smoking can cause vascular restriction to all parts, diabetes can cause impotence, SSRI's damage libido...

    Report message44

  • Message 45

    , in reply to message 43.

    Posted by scribblingscribe (U1717063) on Monday, 2nd June 2008

    amoeba2 re your Q2

    Neither.

    Young women are fertile.

    If men were DNA programmed to chase 82 year olds rather than 22 year olds then the human population would come to a complete halt.

    Report message45

  • Message 46

    , in reply to message 43.

    Posted by rockEnfieldian (U12171554) on Monday, 2nd June 2008

    Clare in the community what a true to life depiction of social workers this is and it is not ment to be. There is no joined up thinking with that crowd your register a complaint or concern have big meetings then..........6 months later someone else takes on the case and nothing really happens keep it up clare! smiley - doh

    Report message46

  • Message 47

    , in reply to message 11.

    Posted by handsomefortune (U2927651) on Monday, 2nd June 2008

    birdonthewire - your post mssge 11 - excellent read! ;@>

    Report message47

  • Message 48

    , in reply to message 30.

    Posted by handsomefortune (U2927651) on Monday, 2nd June 2008

    petal jam - mssge 30 - enjoyed your post lots too dude! ;@>

    Report message48

  • Message 49

    , in reply to message 47.

    Posted by talk_it_over (U3195359) on Monday, 2nd June 2008

    Sometimes, just sometimes, we would all prefer a nice hug!¬)
     


    petal jam - surely! just the job! chaste, reassuring, non-erotic, comfy, satisfying, holding everything together, nothing wishy-washy-and-woman-to-woman-air-kissing-dont-let-the boobs-touch-the-boobs nonsense, caring, firm, big-squeeze-if-you-want, comforting .....

    but err, it doesnt, err, mean that more, err isnt on offer if , you know, ....

    Report message49

  • Message 50

    , in reply to message 49.

    Posted by petal jam (U1466691) on Monday, 2nd June 2008

    Mon, 02 Jun 2008 19:36 GMT, in reply to talk_it_over



    I would be very disappointed if it wasn't available, tio!¬)

    Report message50

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