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Posted by Emma (U14650651) on Saturday, 23rd October 2010
Posted by kim (U13937108) on Saturday, 23rd October 2010
I guess this was posted up too quick. Either that, or it's an experimental piece of work!!
Hope to see it soon.
Posted by Caitii xox (U11073231) on Sunday, 24th October 2010
Do you know when we could see the story?
Posted by Emma (U14650651) on Sunday, 24th October 2010
Here is the prologue
The boy stared up at the judge’s cruel, hardened face in anguish.
“ You can’t do this to me – I don’t deserve it...” He faltered, as if recalling some incriminating evidence. He shook his head firmly.
“I really don’t deserve it.”
The judge glared at the teenager who was now starting to mutter mutinously under his breath.
“You don’t deserve ‘it’?”
“No, I don’t. Do you want to know why? I did nothing wrong!”
“If you did nothing then you wouldn’t be here. Citizen 597546 Alex Delaware for crimes against the state you will be sentenced here today. Pray that they will be merciful.” The Judge nodded towards the jury.
“They won’t be merciful. Of course they won’t, not when I know the truth,” he whispered it quietly, so that no-one would hear.
The silence in the sterile room was now starting to make him feel claustrophobic. Alex saw the iron bars blocking even the tiny window, and he squinted to see the sky through it. If this was the last chance he would have to see the outside world then he would take it.
He turned to see the panel whispering to each other. Eventually, they all began to nod. The decision had been made.
“What have you chosen?” the Judge spoke coldly; there was no hint of any emotion in his voice - not even contempt or hate. This made Alex feel even worse, and he began to shiver uncontrollably. He couldn’t be incarcerated! He was far too young, for that.
A thin women with stark white hair, stood up. She cleared her throat and then began to talk.
“We find this boy guilty of all charges. There is something wrong with this child. The evil we see; reflected in his eyes. We recommend that he is taken to the Road, and we shall let them deal with him.”
Alex stared at the woman – what had he done to deserve such a harsh punishment? After all, people disobeyed and they might never see the light of day again; but surely that was better than going on the Road! He stiffened at the thought of years wandering on a dirty track through a desert – never to reach the other side; for they would make sure of that.
The Judge nodded slowly. “I accept your proposal. Alex Delaware, do you understand the charges held against you?”
Alex frowned. He knew that this was simply a formality, and that if he said anything other then “Yes Sir,” then things might just get worse, but he couldn’t help it. “I understand the charges but-”
The Judge interrupted before he could say anything else. “Do you have any words to be said in your defence, for the records?"
He knew really, that no-one had ever said anything in their defence – they wouldn’t dare. Yet, he knew there was nothing to lose. Let them remember him as a fighter.
Posted by English Host (U1934188) on Monday, 25th October 2010
Haha! At last!
This is a marvellous opening. The Road sounds like a horrible punishment indeed. I wonder what his 'evil deeds' were? And what sort of society this is? Where is it? When is it? I daresay we'll find out as we go along.
In the meanwhile this is an excellent opening. Just one silly techie thing - if the judge's voice is 'cold' then I'd say it DOES contain a hint of emotion. You may choose to leave out the adjective?
I can't wait to find out what The Road is. And who the "Them" is in the woman jurour's speech.
Posted by Caitii xox (U11073231) on Monday, 25th October 2010
How interesting. I love this! xD
More please. xx
Posted by kissfromarose (U14501353) on Monday, 25th October 2010
Ooo I love this. What is his crime? How terrible is the punishment? Does he have an escape plan? Seriously my mind is just buzzing! I can't wait for the next piece!
ps I don't think I've ever used so many exclaimation marks in a post. I think I'm a bit hyper! Aw look there I go again.
Posted by CoCo (U14591849) on Tuesday, 26th October 2010
Wow, this really is an amazing opening. I've got sooooo many questions: what did he do? who are 'they'? what kind of place is he in?-you've got us hooked - i guess these will be answered as the story goes along....but i cant wait till the next update!!!
Yay! this sounds like a really great story and i love the name Alex!....
Posted by English Host (U1934188) on Thursday, 11th November 2010
Emma - I just re-read this - and it's an amazing opening. Have you any more of it?
Posted by indigo (U14470440) on Thursday, 11th November 2010
This is brilliant, Emma. please keep posting - even when blast changes to bitesize - it's good stuff x
Posted by Emma (U14650651) on Monday, 29th November 2010
“I do have one thing I would like to say, Your Honour. What you’re all doing here, it’s just... Let people live their lives- you don’t need to control them! Let them keep their free will. I know all about you Judge Salaman; I know what you did-”
"I can see that this isn't working. For each charge you may speak a defence. Not that it will hep.For the charge of theft, do you have anything to say in your defence? Speak now.”
Alex thought of the golden locket, encrusted with rubies and sapphires still lodged in his pocket, and shook his head.
“No. I have to eat.”
The judge raised his eyebrows. “I will take that as a confession then, child. You are charged with deception, how do you plead?”
“Deception? What did I do?”
“You told a city official that you had a family.”
Alexi stared at the man, completely shocked. “But I do have a family.”
The Judge laughed harshly, and signalled around the room. “Where? I don’t see your family, do you?”
Alex tried to ignore the tears which were now flowing down his face. “My family, they live in the countryside. I came to the city to try and earn some money to send home. They need me. Please let me go. They’ll all starve without me.”
“A likely story. Almost everyone I see claims something similar; but you are one of the only ones that remain adamant when questioned. The city need to know if you have family, for then we know where everyone is. I find you guilty of this deception, and as you do not seem in the least bit apologetic I believe that you should be punished doubly for your crime. The final charge against you is that of fraud. You stand accused of pretending to be a Lord.”
Alex shrugged, realising that he would be punished harshly whatever happened. He was unlikely to ever go free – so he might as well make his point; be the martyr. It would make no difference now.
“I pretended to be a Lord. It was the only way to get food.”
He peered up through the tiny barred window for a last glance at the sun.
“I just wanted to live! I just wanted to eat, I didn’t want to starve anymore. But you of all people, wouldn’t understand that, would you? Safe in your house! Do you even know what the streets look like?”
Posted by Emma (U14650651) on Monday, 29th November 2010
Thanks for all your comments, I've just added part two
Sorry it took so long to post - I totally forgot
Posted by English Host (U1934188) on Tuesday, 30th November 2010
Emma - if you're wondering where everyone is, we're over at Bitesize - sadly Blast is closing and so we've all moved there so we can be together (ahhhh...)
I really enjoyed this - I liked the random accusations when sheer 'theft' probably would have done - but it makes the regimen seem even nuttier!
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