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Parenting Skills

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Messages: 101 - 117 of 117
  • Message 101

    , in reply to message 99.

    Posted by bigbad_don Est1886 (U3243025) on Wednesday, 7th November 2012

    Oh, and as I've said in the past - I think it wouldn't be good for children to have an entirely idyllic life. It's good for them to see parents and others making some mistakes (ideally not too serious mistakes, and also ones they get to see apologies and recovery and repair after.) A completely problem-free childhood with no sadness or conflict or difficulty would leave them woefully unprepared for the real world when they reach adulthood.  Agreed.

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  • Message 102

    , in reply to message 98.

    Posted by Nomadnomore - XNo - Quiz Queen (U3180380) on Wednesday, 7th November 2012

    Great post Bearhug.

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  • Message 103

    , in reply to message 102.

    Posted by Bearhug (U2258283) on Wednesday, 7th November 2012

    Thanks, Nomad - I'm not a parent, though, so it doesn't count for anything. ;- )

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  • Message 104

    , in reply to message 103.

    Posted by Nomadnomore - XNo - Quiz Queen (U3180380) on Wednesday, 7th November 2012

    I already knew you hadn't squished any out but you talk a lot of sense. It's just a pity that more people don't listen.

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  • Message 105

    , in reply to message 103.

    Posted by Almond_Aire (U2259917) on Wednesday, 7th November 2012

    Everyone, whether they have their own children or not, has been parented themselves, except in rare cases (in the UK anyway) when children are abandoned and nobody steps in as a substitute parent. This experience may be good, bad or indifferent, but it gives us all knowledge. We can all remember things that worked with us when we were young, and things that did not.

    This is not the same experience as being a parent of course. But it's still experience. Of course a non parent (unless they have acted in lieu of a parent) cannot know the relentlessness of 24 hr care. But that doesn't mean we know nothing.

    Alma.

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  • Message 106

    , in reply to message 87.

    Posted by Now Locking for a house (U3261819) on Wednesday, 7th November 2012

    Lady_ Loopy_ Lou. Perhaps being a parent might give you insight into why the children go to bed late. There may be practical considerations that overule the theory of early bedtimes.

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  • Message 107

    , in reply to message 106.

    Posted by Nomadnomore - XNo - Quiz Queen (U3180380) on Wednesday, 7th November 2012

    Lady_ Loopy_ Lou. Perhaps being a parent might give you insight into why the children go to bed late. There may be practical considerations that overule the theory of early bedtimes.  Well then that parent is not being a good parent (IMHO). If a teacher (whether they are a parent or not) is observing that a child is too tired at school and lets the parent know this then the parent needs to do something about it.

    OK, there may be many reasons why the child is not getting enough sleep and not all of these are easily solved but to trash that honestly given observation on the basis that the person giving it is not a parent is nonsense.

    If practical considerations are getting in the way of a child getting enough sleep then it is the job of a good parent to change the practicalities.

    The parent and teacher should work together in the best interests of the child, and if that involves taking advice from other people (parents or not) then do it.

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  • Message 108

    , in reply to message 105.

    Posted by bigbad_don Est1886 (U3243025) on Thursday, 8th November 2012

    ....This is not the same experience as being a parent of course. But it's still experience. Of course a non parent (unless they have acted in lieu of a parent) cannot know the relentlessness of 24 hr care. But that doesn't mean we know nothing.  Perxactly...

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  • Message 109

    , in reply to message 103.

    Posted by carrick-bend (U2288869) on Thursday, 8th November 2012

    Thanks, Nomad - I'm not a parent, though, so it doesn't count for anything. ;- ) 
    Yeah, right.

    Good post, though - you might not be a parent, but you are a sensitive and thoughtful human being. People only have to reproduce to be parents, and some parents are sadly lacking in the things that children need to be secure and cared for.

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  • Message 110

    , in reply to message 84.

    Posted by Mrs PPG (U14114383) on Thursday, 8th November 2012

    That's exactly how I feel and I think it's very sad to be like that and to also allow such bitterness to upset others. Life's too short.

    Report message10

  • Message 111

    , in reply to message 110.

    Posted by jane (U2276921) on Thursday, 8th November 2012

    I think I do a good job of parenting. But the nagging
    doubt that I may not be is almost unbearable. Honestly.
    It's what keeps me awake at night and dominates
    my waking thoughts. I wonder if this is normal?

    Now I worry that my worrying is making me a bad parent.

    Report message11

  • Message 112

    , in reply to message 111.

    Posted by Mrs PPG (U14114383) on Thursday, 8th November 2012

    I think that worrying comes with the territory of being a parent. My dad says that people might tell you that the worrying stops when your children leave home but that's not the case. I'm lucky in that I grew up feeling very loved and cared for (and worried about) and I probably took it too much for granted at the time.

    Report message12

  • Message 113

    , in reply to message 111.

    Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Thursday, 8th November 2012

    I'm not sure that advice in the sense of telling someone what to do is ever all that helpful no matter from whom - every situation and every child is different - and it is very easy for another parent to assume that your child, or the one of your children causing you concern at the time, is like their child and that our context is their context. All anyone can really do is say that they've seen or experienced such and such work in such and such a situation. Someone who has worked with lots of children and families is in a better position to generalise about what helps more often than not.

    Someone who has actually been a parent will know what their situation felt like, they won't know exactly what anyone else's situation felt like. In some ways the views of one other parent are the most unlikely to be helpful if that is all they are - the views of a collective of parents may well be more helpful than the view of one inexperienced (because new, rather than because childless, professional). I would think that the best support would come from a collective of other parents with a professional who knows the theory (may be able to explain why what others have experienced to work does work - some of us like to know why what works does so) on hand.

    Report message13

  • Message 114

    , in reply to message 112.

    Posted by carrick-bend (U2288869) on Thursday, 8th November 2012

    I have said "When the midwife gives you your baby, they also give you "worry""

    Report message14

  • Message 115

    , in reply to message 110.

    This posting has been hidden during moderation because it broke the House Rules in some way.

  • Message 116

    , in reply to message 111.

    Posted by Prinkma (U14661090) on Thursday, 8th November 2012

    I think I do a good job of parenting. But the nagging doubt that I may not be is almost unbearable. Honestly.
    It's what keeps me awake at night and dominates
    my waking thoughts. I wonder if this is normal?

    Now I worry that my worrying is making me a bad parent.  


    I hope that what you say in this post isn't real, that you're joking. Even the fact that someone worries about being a good parent shows that he/she is a good parent, who takes the responsibility seriously. That's all anyone can do - realise that it's a responsibility, and do your best.

    As has probably been mentioned upthread, 'good enough' is probably the best scenario. The most obnoxious, selfish adults that I know had wonderful parents who talked everything through with the child, never lost their tempers, told the child how wonderful, clever, creative, special he/she was. When I had small children I used to feel quite inadequate (though it didn't make me change my slothful ways) because I didn't know how to play with children, never read them bedtime stories, had a very short fuse and would slap if they threw a tantrum, didn't like noisy play - on and on and on with Really Bad Things. But I loved them and gave them lots of cuddles, looked after them as best I could. They turned out fine - more than fine, they're very loving, kind people who know what they want from life.

    There isn't a handbook that will tell you what's best for your child. Every child's personality is different.

    As for the idea that certain dismissive attitude stems from insecurity...I think not. Complete self-belief and contempt for the opinions of others, more like.

    Report message16

  • Message 117

    , in reply to message 116.

    Posted by Mrs PPG (U14114383) on Thursday, 8th November 2012

    Complete self-belief and contempt for the opinions of others, more like. 

    Mixed with a fair dose of spite I would add.

    Report message17

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