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Live at home rent.

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Messages: 201 - 219 of 219
  • Message 201

    , in reply to message 194.

    Posted by Campbell in Farewell Clogs (U14226916) on Thursday, 1st November 2012

    >>>As it happens, my parents kept me housed, fed and watered well into my 20's at little or no expense and they did me no favours at all. I pi$$ed my (decent) income up the wall and by the time I got a mortgage I could have had 5-7 years repayments behind me if home hadn't been too cushy for me to shift.<<<

    A moral tale. From behind the Twitching Curtain.
    Although I agree too with whoever said that some of us are just 'more sensible' than others. My brother and I have totally different attitudes to money despite having had the same parents. But we're both 'better at it' than our parents, who were fairly feckless really. (There was certainly nothing to inherit other than the 'wee loan' my Dad had from the local bank at the end. Which the manager cheerfully wrote off when I went along to tell of his death and close the account, it was only a few hundred pounds.) Neither of us smoke either - we seem to have been pretty well-raised by the 'provide a bad example to avoid' method... But to give mum and dad their due - we had better education opportunities than they had - they did their best with what they had and we've both turned out more or less ok.

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  • Message 202

    , in reply to message 184.

    Posted by Tadpole (U2267185) on Thursday, 1st November 2012

    There ARE living in their own home, this, Ferret Towers IS their home until they move out permanantly.

     


    I think this is the difference that 10-15 years has made, as I tried to explain - and possibly we were a little old-fashioned.

    Of course to OH and me this will *always* be their home - but they didn't see it like that and still don't. They felt that once they were 18 they were adults and wanted independent lives. Staying with us was a temporary stepping-stone to their real lives They were never 'tenants', I didn't mean to suggest that, but *they* saw it as a temporary lodging. I think they all came back after shorter or longer spells away, at university or working abroad, so perhaps that helped foster the feeling they had.

    Possibly it comes down to different attitudes to family that we'll never agree on, I don't know. But I still think calm evidence-based discussion would be the way forward. Otherwise what will you do with the resentment/exasperation that caused you to post on here? 


    I certainly stopped seeing the family home as MY home when I reached 18 or so. I would have been welcome to stay living there a few years longer (while paying rent!), but like sk's offspring, I would have seen it as a temporary step en route to my real, proper home of my own. I wanted to have my own decor, cook my own meals, watch my own tv programmes, walk around starkers if I felt like it, have my own friends round etc etc. I was desperate for my own space, however grim and shabby. I do find it hard to relate to the notion that the adult Ferret offspring feel at home and happy to stay there, when I'd be chafing at the bit in their shoes - however comfortable, pleasant and cheap the lodging.

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  • Message 203

    , in reply to message 202.

    Posted by NewEssexWoman (U9776561) on Thursday, 1st November 2012

    I certainly stopped seeing the family home as MY home when I reached 18 or so. I would have been welcome to stay living there a few years longer (while paying rent!), but like sk's offspring, I would have seen it as a temporary step en route to my real, proper home of my own. I wanted to have my own decor, cook my own meals, watch my own tv programmes, walk around starkers if I felt like it, have my own friends round etc etc. I was desperate for my own space, however grim and shabby. I do find it hard to relate to the notion that the adult Ferret offspring feel at home and happy to stay there, when I'd be chafing at the bit in their shoes - however comfortable, pleasant and cheap the lodging. 

    I totally agree with this. I wanted to be independent and didn't care what hovels I ended up living in - outside loos, no bathroom, really grotty. The point was, it was my hovel and there was no-one telling me what I could or couldn't do. My own children were equally keen to leave home once they finished A levels and although they never lived in the sort of slums which I occupied they were more than prepared to trade home comforts for independent living. Neither have ever returned to their childhood home other than for holidays.

    As far as I'm concerned you can never really consider yourself an adult until you take on the responsibilities of adult life and that rarely happens when living in one's parent's home.

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  • Message 204

    , in reply to message 203.

    Posted by soobeesomewhere_or_other_soon (U14156736) on Thursday, 1st November 2012

    that rarely happens when living in one's parent's home. 
    I agree, but still maintain that sharing the financial burden with young adults remaining in the home has the two separate benefits of firstly reducing dependancy and secondly minimising stress on a financially challenged household. Most of us, I'd imagine, have had at least one episode of relative impecunity, for whatever reason. There is no shame in that. But the role of family, to me, means honest discussion of problems and the ways all can pull together to minimise them.
    Ferret, in your circumstances, I'd walk the family through all of the projected incomings and outgoings and invite them to suggest what they think they might do. Around the table and no leaving it until this is thrashed out.
    I wish you well.
    Soo

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  • Message 205

    , in reply to message 204.

    Posted by Bette (U2222559) on Thursday, 1st November 2012

    Tagging on, and chiming in with sympathy for the OP to some extent.

    Son has been contemplating 'travelling around Ireland' post graduation. Hmm. Partly because of this thread, I've sent him an email to say that if he does that, we will still have to pay the equivalent of some £300 per month (health insurance, pension. etc). I think some hard facts will need to be presented from now on.

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  • Message 206

    , in reply to message 205.

    Posted by Organoleptic Icon (U11219171) on Friday, 2nd November 2012

    Bette I can make no sense of your post.

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  • Message 207

    , in reply to message 206.

    Posted by redhotlady (U14317310) on Friday, 2nd November 2012

    Mmmm interesting thread - very topical subject in this household

    Report message7

  • Message 208

    , in reply to message 206.

    Posted by Bette (U2222559) on Friday, 2nd November 2012

    Fair enough. Consider it un-read. It made sense to me when I wrote it, and when I re-read it, but I guess context is all.

    Report message8

  • Message 209

    , in reply to message 208.

    Posted by Organoleptic Icon (U11219171) on Friday, 2nd November 2012

    Fair enough. Consider it un-read. It made sense to me when I wrote it, and when I re-read it, but I guess context is all. 

    But I can't un-remember it!

    Son has been contemplating 'travelling around Ireland' post graduation. Hmm. Partly because of this thread, I've sent him an email to say that if he does that, we will still have to pay the equivalent of some £300 per month (health insurance, pension. etc). I think some hard facts will need to be presented from now on.  

    What do son's post graduation plans have to do with your health insurance and pension costs?

    If you mean they are son's costs, surely he does not need pension yet? And if you are living in some benighted place where you have to pay for healthcare via insurance you can stop whilst he is in Ireland, where annual travel cover will cost far less!

    Report message9

  • Message 210

    , in reply to message 209.

    Posted by virtual_jan (U13662056) on Friday, 2nd November 2012

    OI I hope Bette will not mind me explaining that she lives in Switzerland. I don't know how things work over there, but I am assuming from her post that her son will have some state financial contributions he will need to make -even if he is away travelling. Bette is presumably thinking ahead that he will need to take responsibility for any such commitments whilst he is in Ireland and not leave it to his parents to deal with.

    Please correct me if I have misunderstood, Bette.

    v_j

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  • Message 211

    , in reply to message 210.

    Posted by Organoleptic Icon (U11219171) on Friday, 2nd November 2012

    Thanks vj - I knew Switzerlnd was expensive but £300/month NOT to be there sounds extreme!

    Don't they have a health service?

    I just remember the name of the ski injury medic in Verbier

    Dr Schmasch.

    Report message11

  • Message 212

    , in reply to message 209.

    Posted by Bette (U2222559) on Friday, 2nd November 2012

    Both health insurance and national insurance are obligatory whilst he is domiciled with us. It is true (I think) that we could stop the health insurance whilst he is a student but then it might be more expensive if or when he needed to get back into the system. Well, just heard that travel plans are on the back-burner now, and he's looking into continuing studies, so no decision necessary for the time being.

    Report message12

  • Message 213

    , in reply to message 211.

    Posted by Bette (U2222559) on Friday, 2nd November 2012

    but £300/month NOT to be there sounds extreme! 

    I've just received the policy for next year (the rates go up every year) and heath cover will be the equivalent of £200/month (and that is the cheapest we could find, with maximum franchise). The other costs are for national insurance and military tax.

    Report message13

  • Message 214

    , in reply to message 211.

    Posted by Morty Vicar (U2247272) on Friday, 2nd November 2012

    < Dr Schmasch >

    The ideal partner for Dr Legg (EastEnders, years ago).

    Report message14

  • Message 215

    , in reply to message 213.

    Posted by Organoleptic Icon (U11219171) on Friday, 2nd November 2012

    Thanks. But if HE has no income, are YOU obliged to pay?

    military tax. 

    Is that the tax for not doing military service?

    Report message15

  • Message 216

    , in reply to message 215.

    Posted by Bette (U2222559) on Friday, 2nd November 2012

    Well, /someone/ has to pay! Everyone /has/ to have health insurance. I know some people on low incomes just can't afford it, but heaven knows what happens when they get ill.

    Yes, the military tax is for /not/ doing the service (son is in civil protection bit, and as he is abroad, he isn't usually available, so he is liable to pay nearly the full amount).

    Report message16

  • Message 217

    , in reply to message 216.

    Posted by virtual_jan (U13662056) on Friday, 2nd November 2012

    Bette when he comes back to CH to live will your son have to make up his Military Service? When I lived briefly in Switzerland many years ago (80s) the son in he house i Was living in was a student but my understanding then was that he would have to do his Military Service once he had finished his studies. I don't recall him having the option of paying instead. Of course it is possible that the family couldn't afford to pay or the rules have changed since then?

    v_j

    Report message17

  • Message 218

    , in reply to message 217.

    This posting has been hidden during moderation because it broke the House Rules in some way.

  • Message 219

    , in reply to message 217.

    Posted by Bette (U2222559) on Friday, 2nd November 2012

    No, I don't think so. He's in Protection Civile where the obligations are much less than the military bit (in theory, at most 3 weeks a year, compared to having to do an initial 5-month stint for the army - and yes, the young men do that either when they've finished an apprenticeship - age 19, or else when they've finished studies) - but I think if he is no longer domiciled here, then he won't be called up.

    Report message19

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