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One Flew Over The Ambridge Cuckoo's Nest

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Messages: 1 - 5 of 5
  • Message 1. 

    Posted by Ambridge Forever Frittering (U5978873) on Sunday, 24th February 2013


    The following morning, quite a few Ambridge residents found that their lives had changed. For one thing, they woke up completely clear-headed, not in the sort of haze which had fogged their minds for years.

    Brenda Tucker woke to the realisation that she had spent every spare moment cuddling and caring for her unexpected half-sister, whose very existence might deprive her of any inheritance. And she had actually been nice to her stepmother, Vicky, a woman she detested.

    Susan realised that she had been missing out on distributing all the gossip over the years. Such gossip, too! Brian Aldridges by-blow, mixed race children in the Aldridge family. Helen Archer being doggedly independent and 'going it alone' with her A.I. Baby back in the parental home. But she was not going to pass up the latest snippet, heard, in passing, from Jazzer.

    'Rhys! Fallon!' She called excitedly as the couple came downstairs from their flat. 'You'll never guess. Lilian Bellamy's having an affair!'

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  • Message 2

    , in reply to message 1.

    Posted by Ambridge Forever Frittering (U5978873) on Sunday, 24th February 2013

    But it was Helen who was to have the greatest shock of the day.

    'Come on, Henry, get your coat,' she said, in her coaxing, maternal voice. 'We're off to Playgroup.'

    'I'm not going to Playgroup, Mum,' Henry announced firmly. 'I' m 20 years old!'

    'No, you're not. Don't be silly. You're two!'

    'Yesterday I was,' he agreed. 'But I've had to put on an age spurt. Things have moved quicker than we thought. War has started with the Agorrans. I'm the Unifier. I cannot lead the Sehethulah into battle as a toddler!'

    'But Henry!' she wailed, looking up at the tall, strong-looking young man who towered over her. 'You're my little baby that is going to love me unconditionally forever!'

    'Get real, Mum. I must go. I've a battle to win.'

    'Henry, you can't leave me!' She sobbed as the front door was firmly shut behind him.

    And then Helen Archer's mind disintegrated. All that had kept it together was the thought of her baby staying with her always. And nothing her parents, Pat and Tony could say, could console her.

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  • Message 3

    , in reply to message 2.

    Posted by Ambridge Forever Frittering (U5978873) on Sunday, 24th February 2013

    All the Sehethulah were mustering now. They could conceal themselves no longer. They were prepared to do battle. Especially George Grundy, now a Black Belt in karate. All the local families were represented: Archers, Grundys, Tuckers and Pargeters alike stood side by side on Lakey Hill. Ruari Aldridge had been recalled. As had John 'Rich' Richards, John Archer's long-lost son. Any children were children no longer, but grown to adulthood. Strong and beautiful, with a glowing light around them.

    Lined up against them were the Agorrans, a fierce-looking bunch: Vicky Tucker, Paul Morgan, Hilary Noakes, Derek Fletcher, Jean Harvey. Sam Barton had been recalled. Had their plans worked out, Ruth Archer would indeed have given birth to a child called Amber, conceived on that fateful night in Oxford. Even the rogue Cameron Fraser was there, still speaking with as ridiculous a Scottish accent as Paul had adopted with Jazzer.

    The battle began. The Agorrans, a primitive race, really, rushed at their enemy, with swords, daggers and knives. Led by Henry Archer, the Sehethulah stood firm, using all the mind powers under their control. The Agorrans were pushed back. But again they rushed forward. Not all the Sehethulah, especially the youngest, had as strong powers as the rest.

    Their defences were breached. One or two had slight wounds, but, at Henry's command, none separated from the group. And so it went on, with the Agorrans rushing forwards with warlike cries, falling back, then storming up again.

    They had shielded the field lest the humans should become aware of what was going on and blunder in, being more hindrance than help. But they had reckoned without the stout spirit of the hardy Ambridgeites. Onto Lakey Hill they came, brandishing any weapon they could lay hands on.

    David waved his shotgun, of course. Ruth carried her plate meter. Alistair had brought along a syringe of ketamine. With a gruesome cry, Joe Grundy ran at the Agorrans with a pitchfork. All the other villagers fell upon the enemy, excited with the heat of battle.

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  • Message 4

    , in reply to message 3.

    Posted by Ambridge Forever Frittering (U5978873) on Sunday, 24th February 2013

    It was a long, weary, bloody battle. Joe Grundy accidentally hit more of his friends than his enemies. He almost had Mike Tucker's other eye out. Mike wrenched the pitchfork from him and almost clobbered Robert Snell.
    Jim, who was not much of a fighter, was declaiming some Latin verse. Bert, taking his cue, at once quoted some of his own. A few Agorrans either fell asleep or turned their own weapons upon themselves to escape, so their efforts were not wasted.

    In a quiet interval while they all cleared away the dead and tended to the wounded, Freddie Pargeter was heard to quarrel with his sister.

    'I don't care what you say, Lily, that man was Dad. He showed me the Pargeter Footholds!'

    'He probably showed you the wrong ones.' Suddenly a thought came to Lily which made her gasp. 'Perhaps Grandad wasn't really Grandad. Perhaps he showed Dad the wrong ones, too, and that's why Dad fell off the roof!'

    While they were digesting this awful thought, a light blazed across the sky. It took the form of a terrible, gargoyle face.

    'You cannot win, Sehethulah! I have destroyed one world. I will destroy another.' And he gave a long, gloating laugh.

    But as his mouth remained open, Henry the Unifier, grabbed the pitchfork from Mike Tucker and hurled it into the gaping maw. It struck straight and true. There was a cry, another flash, a blinding light and then - silence.

    All the combatants looked at one another. Sam, Paul, Vicky and Des, Daryl the builder's friend, lay dead. A few of the Ambridge residents and one or two Sehethulah were wounded, but not seriously. Nobody really wanted to fight any more.

    And so a truce was drawn up between the Agorrans and the Sehethulah. Most of them decided to forget their former mission and remain integrated into Ambridge life.

    'Well,' said Bert Fry to Jim Lloyd,'Oi always knew my poems were good. But I never thought they'd win a battle. Wait till Oi tell moi Freda!'


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  • Message 5

    , in reply to message 4.

    Posted by Vicky S (U2258400) on Sunday, 24th February 2013

    Gosh. Just as well they've got that green burial ground to dispose of the evidence isn't it?

    Thanks AFF, a fitting end to the story and to ML itself.

    Remember children, the forces of good will always defeat the forces of evil.

    And some people would do well to remember that.

    Report message5

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