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Posted by Celtic Tiger (U2229153) on Tuesday, 12th February 2013
““Daveed, he’s here” Ruth shouted as the slurry-bespattered popemobile crossed the yard at Brookfield and an aged gentleman got out. David ushered him into the drawing room where a selection of Ambridge residents were already gathered.
“Can we offer you something to eat, your Holiness?” enquired David. “Ruth can always rustle up some frozen pizzas. But maybe you get enough of that sort of thing in Rome.” The Pope declined the offer politely and looked round at the assembled company. Immediately a formidable elderly lady started to speak.
“I am Sister Peggy and I wanted to stop all this stupid talk about elderly people being too frail and feeble to carry out normal business. You only need to look round Ambridge to find many examples of people in their 70s, 80s and 90s and older who are fighting fit and healthy. Take Jo Grundy, for instance. He’s well over 100 and that horse Bartleby of his must be 40 if it’s a day but they are still bowling round the village with their heavy loads. We just can’t believe that you have suggested old age as your excuse for retiring. In Ambridge no one ever retires!”
“A disastrous decision of yours, in my opinion,” stated a portly clergyman by the name of Bunter Franks. “What will happen to the ecumenical movement now? How will your successor view a C of E vicar married to a Hindu? Not very favourably, I bet.”
“And what about my Magickal Babe?” came the thin, reedy voice of Helen Archer. “I know that I’m stubbornly independent but I do like to think that I could call on help from the Catholic Hierarchy should I need it. Here have a small sample of my Mankwold cheese anyway.”
The Pope cleared his throat. “I’m sorry to have to tell you that I think events have been influenced by the Devil. You know that diabolic person that you, Saint David, following my instructions, managed to push off the Lower Loxley roof some time back. We thought we were safe from satanic influences after that but sadly no. This Nigel person has come back in a new demonic reincarnation. He’s using a different surname, of course, but it’s the same guy all right. You see, I thought that this new fellow who is the Archbishop of Canterbury would be more than willing to take over my role of overseer of the Archers Message Boards but before I could ask him, Nigel announced that he was closing the boards for good. Diabolical or what?!”
Posted by Organoleptic Icon (U11219171) on Wednesday, 13th February 2013
Which is more likely?
- The Pope decides not to resign after all?
- BBC decides to keep the boards open?
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