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LiLoLe at LoLo

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Messages: 1 - 27 of 27
  • Message 1. 

    Posted by Vicky S (U2258400) on Friday, 9th November 2012

    Hello! And thank you for taking the time to log on to the Life Long Learning Experience facility at the Lower Loxley Conference Centre.

    Here at Lower Loxley we are passionate about Life Long Learning and are very excited to be able to offer our Autumn range of short courses for discerning adults. Whether you want to learn a new skill, brush up on existing skills or simply make new friends in a friendly and noncompetitive atmosphere, we are sure that you will find something to engage you in our programme of courses .

    Our courses are run by experts, who, while not necessarily possessing paper qualifications of any note, are willing to share a life time of experience, sheer good fortune and unexpected luck with small groups of like minded and curious learners.


    All our courses are held in the delightful setting of the Lower Loxley Conference Centre. Refreshments and light lunches are available for purchase in the Orangery Restaurant and car parking is available at a small additional charge.


    Please find below details of some of the courses we will be running before Christmas. If you wish to attend, have any questions or want to ask about future courses please email the LoLoLiLoLe Coordinator using the contact box below. Be assured that we will not pass your details onto third parties, however we reserve the right to send you further information about LoLo events and special offers from local businesses owned and managed by Archer family members. All fees payable in advance.

     


    Course #1 How To Get Away With Murder

    Course Tutors: E Pargetter and D Archer

    Ever wondered how you can rid yourself of an unwanted relative? Ever needed to access an anticipated inheritance in a hurry? Want to know how you can make an unfortunate 'incident ' appear like an innocent accident? With over twenty years of murderous experience between them Elizabeth and David will show you how you too can get away with murder while at the same time ensuring that you do not end up out of pocket or with people giving you sideways looks and muttering.


    Course #2 Conquer Any Addiction Including Drug Abuse - The Ambridge Method

    Course Tutors: J McCreary, E Grundy, A Lloyd

    Trapped in a cycle of addiction and despair? Need to turn your life around fast? Fed up with snide comments about your addiction from friends and relatives? Both Jazzer and Ed successfully beat their drug demons within days by using the tried and tested Ambridge Method, while Alistair's gambling problems are a long forgotten thing of the past. The tutors are so positive that this painfree and superfast method will work for you, whatever your problem, that they guarantee that not only will you be cured of your addiction but it will be as though you never had a problem in the first place as it will never be mentioned again. Ever. By anyone.


    Course #3: You Can Have It All! A Guide to Independant Living for the Single Parent. (Creche facility provided with this course)

    Course Tutor : H.Archer

    Single parenthood doesn't have to be a slog! Using Helen's method you will find that having a baby while singlehandedly running a successful business and looking fabulous is a doddle. During this course we will look at Effortless Fatherless Pregnancy, Essential Emotional Blackmail Techniques, Ensuring your Entitlements are Fully Met, Free Childcare made Easy and Advanced Manipulation of Friends and Family.

    Please note that due to circumstances beyond your control the creche facility provided with this course has only room for one child.

    *******************************************************************

    "Learning is For Life - Not Just For Profit"

    Report message1

  • Message 2

    , in reply to message 1.

    Posted by Organoleptic Icon (U11219171) on Friday, 9th November 2012

    VG!

    Thought it was going to be about LiLo Lil !

    Report message2

  • Message 3

    , in reply to message 2.

    Posted by Celtic Tiger (U2229153) on Friday, 9th November 2012

    Course 4 - Improving Family Relationships

    Tutors: W Grundy, Nic Grundy, Ed Grundy, Emma Grundy

    Do difficult members of your family leave you with the desire to strangle them? Are you unable to achieve equitable distribution of the family's financial assets? Would you like to live with your brother's wife and bring up his child? This tutor team of two brothers and their partners will share their experiences of rising to these and similar challenges within a family setting. They will also draw on incidents from the real life of others eg how to ensure that your civil partnership survives the infidelity of one of the partners; how to reconcile a brother and sister after the brother has caused the death of the sister's husband.

    Truly a course not to be missed!

    Report message3

  • Message 4

    , in reply to message 3.

    Posted by Mabel Bagshawe (U2222589) on Friday, 9th November 2012

    Cuorse 5 - the secrets of success for small rural agrifood businesses

    Tutor - T Archer, B Tucker

    Looking at case examples from his family farm, Tom will tell you how to establsih a succesful agri-food business, from product development, retailing your products yourself and wholesale supply to other business Brenda will talk yuo through that most important aspect - marketing, from leaflets to social media, and how to hide bad news about you on the internet.

    Report message4

  • Message 5

    , in reply to message 3.

    Posted by Vicky S (U2258400) on Friday, 9th November 2012

    *Course 5: Watch and Weep Alvin Hall - making a success of your business during a recession

    Course tutor: T Archer

    Course components will include How to get started (Thanks Gran)Moving your business on(Cheers Brian), Asserting your Brand (Sorry Mum, Sorry Dad), Looking to the Future ( Christmas Novelty Food and The Easter Pork Bunny).


    Please note, as Tom Archer is an extremely busy busy busy entrepreneur the content of this course will be delivered by text. Course members are welcome to share a table for lunch in the Orangery Restaurant while they participate in this innovative e learning experience. You will have the opportunity to call Tom with questions during the course. Calls will be charged at £5.50 per minute .


    *This course will be run in conjunction with

    Course 6: Leaflets Are Your BFF

    Course tutor: B.Tucker

    A full coour leaflet outlining the content of this course is available in the Village Hall or can be downloaded from the LoLo website.

    Report message5

  • Message 6

    , in reply to message 5.

    Posted by Vicky S (U2258400) on Friday, 9th November 2012

    Ah, you beat me to it Mabel - just goes to show you can't stand still for a minute in this dog eat pork balls world of global enterprise.

    Report message6

  • Message 7

    , in reply to message 6.

    Posted by HolRose (U15447369) on Friday, 9th November 2012

    Truely wonderful. Thanks all for brightening my day.

    Hol xxx

    Report message7

  • Message 8

    , in reply to message 7.

    Posted by poshquilter (U3799549) on Friday, 9th November 2012

    Brilliant!

    Report message8

  • Message 9

    , in reply to message 1.

    Posted by tisviv (U15188212) on Friday, 9th November 2012

    Wonderful, Vicky.

    Here's another course:

    Surviving Witness Intimidation.

    Being threatened by ne'er-do-wells? Worried you'll be too scared to Do the Right Thing when a relative is biffed over the head by a baddie?
    This valuable Life Skills Course will be taught by local farmers Deevid and Rooth Archer, who have direct experience of dealing with this simply ghastly scenario.
    The Deevid and Rooth method consists of Never Talking About The Situation, Going On A Bargain Mini-Break to Dorset, and Ignoring The fact That Your Domestic Is Actually Related To The Perps.
    Rooth's choice of finest frozen pizza will be served, along with a dollop of Generic Ice Cream from the Village Shop.

    Report message9

  • Message 10

    , in reply to message 9.

    Posted by Vicky S (U2258400) on Friday, 9th November 2012

    Rooth's choice of finest frozen pizza will be served, along with a dollop of Generic Ice Cream from the Village Shop. 

    Memo from EP to D and R Archer

    Dear David and Ruth,

    re: Surviving Witness Intimidation Course. I think you have forgotten that it was agreed that all catering would be provided in house through LoLo's existing setup. I have therefore taken the liberty of amending your course details as follows:

    A light lunch of sun dried tomato calzone scattered with torn basil leaves and hand grated pecorino, followed by a dessert of LoLo icecream made with cream from our rare breed cattle will be available to participants.

    Best wishes

    E.

    Report message10

  • Message 11

    , in reply to message 10.

    Posted by Pahnda (U14681704) on Friday, 9th November 2012

    Great thread!

    Report message11

  • Message 12

    , in reply to message 10.

    Posted by tisviv (U15188212) on Friday, 9th November 2012

    Rooth's choice of finest frozen pizza will be served, along with a dollop of Generic Ice Cream from the Village Shop. 

    Memo from EP to D and R Archer

    Dear David and Ruth,

    re: Surviving Witness Intimidation Course. I think you have forgotten that it was agreed that all catering would be provided in house through LoLo's existing setup. I have therefore taken the liberty of amending your course details as follows:

    A light lunch of sun dried tomato calzone scattered with torn basil leaves and hand grated pecorino, followed by a dessert of LoLo icecream made with cream from our rare breed cattle will be available to participants.

    Best wishes

    E.

     
    Dear Elizabeth

    Thank you for your memo and we take your point that it was indeed agreed that the catering would be provided in-house.
    We apologise for this error. Please don't set Senor Tomato Calzone on to us; the trauma might initiate the need for another mini-break and Dorset is even colder than your fancy ice-cream at this time of year.
    We are greatly looking forward to running our course. David was wondering if, after its successful conclusion, you might like to accompany us up to the LoLo roof, so we can point out the LoCost supermarket where Ruth bulk buys her frozen pizza.

    Yours ever

    R and D

    Report message12

  • Message 13

    , in reply to message 12.

    Posted by Vicky S (U2258400) on Friday, 9th November 2012

    Dear David,


    Heaven knows I don't want to interfere, but Elizabeth has just been round in floods after your memo. I'm sure I don't need to remind you about her delicate state of health or that we are approaching the anniversary of Dear Nigel's untimely end. I feel that it is up to all of us to support Dear Elizabeth and the Children as much as possible, you know it's what Dear Nigel and your Late Father would have wanted.

    Love Mum


    ps I cleared a space and left a casserole and a fruit cake on the kitchen table. Do look out for them.

    Report message13

  • Message 14

    , in reply to message 13.

    Posted by tisviv (U15188212) on Saturday, 10th November 2012

    Dear David,


    Heaven knows I don't want to interfere, but Elizabeth has just been round in floods after your memo. I'm sure I don't need to remind you about her delicate state of health or that we are approaching the anniversary of Dear Nigel's untimely end. I feel that it is up to all of us to support Dear Elizabeth and the Children as much as possible, you know it's what Dear Nigel and your Late Father would have wanted.

    Love Mum


    ps I cleared a space and left a casserole and a fruit cake on the kitchen table. Do look out for them.

     
    Dear Mum

    Thanks for the food - yum and all that. We had to put the fruit cake out for the birds as Ruth had already bought a job lot of barm cakes from the Village Shop which needed eating as they were well past their sell-by date.

    It seems to me and Ruth that you always take Elizabeth's side. She is not the only one who has been through a lot. In recent times we have had to spend a great deal of money on our state-of-the-dark-arts slurry tank, adopt the New Zealand method of grazing - which I still don't quite understand - been the victims of an arson attack and threatened by thugs and - I could go on and on and on.
    Suffice it to say that the doctors now think that Pip's severe case of Premature Ageing and Smugness Syndrome may be permanent and my own Sighing Sickness is incurable. We all have our troubles.

    What are you doing for Christmas? Ruth is doing turkey pizza and oven chips, so you are, as always, welcome to join us.

    Your loving son

    David x



    Report message14

  • Message 15

    , in reply to message 14.

    Posted by Celtic Tiger (U2229153) on Saturday, 10th November 2012

    Speciaist LiLoLe courses at LiLo.
    Our general courses are proving so popular that we at Lower Loxley are now introducing some more specilaist courses.

    Course S1 - Badger Disposal
    The tutor for this course is my brother, David Archer, truly an intellectual giant among men - well in Ambridge anyway.
    If your farm or garden is overrun with badgers, the techniques described on this course will prove your salvation. (As some of the techniques are illegal, we can give no further details in this leaflet.)

    Course S2 - Old Country Pursuits
    Tutor - Nigel Pargetter RIP
    As Mr Pargetter stupidly killed himself by slipping/jumping off a roof last New Year, this course takes the form of videos of my husband engaging in some of the more hairbrained (sorry imaginative) ideas which he introduced at Lower Loxley and thus caused financial meltdown. The pursuits include caring for rare breeds of cattle which are unproductive, bodgering for beginners, falconry with an attractive female and many more.

    Course S3 - Malingering
    Tutor - Freddy Pargetter
    This course is aimed at younger people who are still at school. Freddie will demonstrate how to convince your parents that you are at death's door after a minor injury sustained in a riding accident. Truly you have not experienced whinging until you have heard Freddy in action.

    Report message15

  • Message 16

    , in reply to message 15.

    Posted by Tayler Cresswell (U14232848) on Monday, 12th November 2012

    Love this thread. I'm sure Elizabeth would approve - so enterprising!

    Tayler

    Report message16

  • Message 17

    , in reply to message 1.

    Posted by Minihohum (U14070767) on Monday, 12th November 2012

    "What're Yoo Like" - Pub Management For Beginners, led by Fallon Rodgers. The course will outline how best to annoy your staff and patrons by being a bit too matey and dim. Crisp control, beer supply and how to make a 90 year old woman do all the cooking and cleaning all by herself.

    Report message17

  • Message 18

    , in reply to message 17.

    Posted by Threeblack drapedwellsofmyown (U5254306) on Friday, 16th November 2012

    Theatre management and producing shows on a shoestring

    Lynda Snell will divulge some of her secrets to those wishing to organise amatuer shows

    Report message18

  • Message 19

    , in reply to message 18.

    Posted by Pat_Clifton (U14447939) on Friday, 16th November 2012

    THE SECRETS OF ETERNAL YOUTH
    Tutors: C Barford and J Archer

    Is it the water or is it the local air? We don't know, but either way these two grand dames of Ambridge behave like women half their age. Prepare to be amazed as Chris and Jill explain their secrets.
    Includes special afternoon seminar: The nonogenarian entreneur. Whilst most men his age are putting their feet up, our speaker Mr Joe Grundy is still full of money-making ideas and has a vigour that would put men thirty years his junior to shame:
    NOTES:
    1) Offical bottles of Lower Loxley water and air for sale in the Orangery after the event.
    2) Whilst Mr Grundy is permitted to bring SAMPLES of his goods to the workshop, these are NOT FOR PURCHASE on Lower Loxley premises. Lower Loxley does not endorse any Grundy product and purchasers of such goods do so at their own risk. Wild Boar should be cooked THOROUGHLY before consumption.

    MAKING VOLUNTEERING WORK FOR YOUR BUSINESS
    Tutors: E Pargeter and P Archer.
    Lower Loxley proprietor Elizabeth explains how she never pays an employee if she can get them to work for free, whilst Pat relates the renaissance of the Ambridge Community shop. Despite now having to pay rent instead of getting income from an adjacent flat, and still paying the previous member of staff, Pat and her team of volunteers have transformed the shop from basket case to roaring success.

    [After the event, Pat and Elizabeth will both be available, if you would like to sign up as one of their volunteers.]

    Report message19

  • Message 20

    , in reply to message 19.

    Posted by waslantana (U15073790) on Monday, 19th November 2012

    Back from the Brink: Survival solutions for the small family business.
    Tutors: Patricia and Anthony Archer

    In these days of recession and gloom, disaster for the small family business can be just around the corner. Just think of the problems that can crop up at any time - a near-death experience in the workplace, an unexpected miraculous pregnancy, the poisoning of several small children - and all this when your business is mortgaged to the hilt!

    Think there's no way back? Think again!

    Pat and Tony will show you just how easy it is to pull YOUR business back from the brink with strategies that will simply amaze you. Did you know that just changing the name of your business to something completely similar could make all the difference? Learn this - and more- from the experts, at Bridge Farm, sorry, Ambridge Organics.

    Organic vegetarian meal included. Cheese course optional.

    Report message20

  • Message 21

    , in reply to message 20.

    Posted by waslantana (U15073790) on Monday, 19th November 2012

    The Student Experience - an outreach course for the University of Felpersham.

    Are you about to graduate and desperately worried by the lack of job vacancies? Or perhaps you're the parent of a teenager and really concerned about meeting their future tuition fees and living expenses. For all those who wonder whether a university education is the right choice, we offer the opportunity to meet past and present students of the University of Felpersham for advice, help and reassurance.

    Here are just some examples of the UoF experience:

    "My move to the UoF was the best thing I ever did, Once I was only a journalist, but now, thanks to UoF, I actually have a career pushing paperclips and making coffee - not to mention real marketing input into my fiance's business"

    "Studying at UoF opened doors for me - especially those to my father's farm. I had no qualifications at all, but UoF were willing to give me the chance to get away from my family for a whole year"

    "No one thought I could be any more of a smug know-it-all than I already was, but UoF proved them wrong".

    "Think there's no chance of finding an aeronautical engineering job in the middle of the countryside? - don't worry, with just my Masters from UofF and my former surname I had no problem at all"

    So come along, and see what UoF can do for YOU.

    Report message21

  • Message 22

    , in reply to message 21.

    Posted by Emily Bronte (U15430416) on Tuesday, 20th November 2012

    Love this thread - a few more offerings for the syllabus:

    Safe Handling of food -( certificate )- Course Tutor Mrs C Grundy
    Soap and water provided. E coli extra.

    "Getting it out in the open" Natural Conception :- Joint Tutors - William and Nic Grundy

    Whine Appreciation - James Bellamy and Leonie Snell
    Please note that you will need to bring your own earplugs to this event for Health and Safety reasons.

    Sinus Drainage at home - Vicky Tucker
    A must for those who need to talk down there noses when in public.

    The Art of being a Doormat - Shula Hebden-LLoyd.
    Please bring a towel as this course includes floor exercises.


    Report message22

  • Message 23

    , in reply to message 22.

    Posted by Vicky S (U2258400) on Tuesday, 20th November 2012

    The Art of being a Doormat - Shula Hebden-LLoyd.
    Please bring a towel as this course includes floor exercises. 


    Why not take advantage of our limited edition Shula Hebden-Lloyd Special Offer and sign up for THREE of Shula's popular courses at a substantial discount:

    The Art of being a Doormat

    50 Shades of Lilac : Home decorating made Easy

    Forsythia is Not the Only Flowering Shrub: Effective Flower Arranging for Discerning Congregations.

    Report message23

  • Message 24

    , in reply to message 23.

    Posted by waslantana (U15073790) on Wednesday, 21st November 2012

    The Art of Translation
    Tutor: Brian Aldridge

    As we enter the Third Age, many of us are looking for an interesting hobby to add a little spice and variety to life. Brian is one of our most experienced tutors, with a wide range of practical, hands-on hints to pass on. Guided by Brian, you will learn a variety of approaches to the art of translation, exploring many areas, including Gaelic and Hungarian. This is a skill you will be able to take anywhere, be it a hotel room in an exotic foreign city or simply the back of your own car. Oral practice included in the course.

    A light lunch of game soup will be provided by Jennifer Aldridge

    Report message24

  • Message 25

    , in reply to message 24.

    Posted by waslantana (U15073790) on Wednesday, 21st November 2012

    'Faery folk and other tales'
    Tutor: Ida Vission

    For those interested in exploring the traditions of the Borchester countryside, folklore expert and paranormal investigator, Dr Vission offers an insight into local tales of 'the fey. Many stories told in the mustard fields of Ambridge and Lower Loxley make reference to help received in time of trouble and seemingly unsolveable difficulty from the 'little people'. Whether you're a sceptic or a firm believer, we believe that you will marvel at the miraculous powers attributed to the fairies of Ambridge.

    Report message25

  • Message 26

    , in reply to message 25.

    Posted by Vicky S (U2258400) on Wednesday, 21st November 2012

    We are sorry to inform you that the course entitled Bert Fry, a Man and His Muse has been cancelled due to popular demand.

    However, we are delighted to announce that local author Corinthia Harte has agreed to give a series of talks provisionally entitled There's Money in Muck - Accessing the Porn Pound . Early booking is advised.

    Report message26

  • Message 27

    , in reply to message 1.

    Posted by Graham 42 (U6041479) on Thursday, 22nd November 2012

    Memo from E. Archer to All Course Partners:

    Due to the higher than expect number of complaints addressed to LiLoLe at LoLo from our Course Partners, and a new complaints department has been set up at the following address where partners can make there complaints in person:

    The Roof
    Lower Loxley Hall
    Lower Loxley
    Borchester
    NC0 0CD

    Please note the complaints department is open from midnight to 2am and may be closed due to lack of heavy icing or in times of calm winds.

    Report message27

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