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Robert's Last Stand

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Messages: 1 - 8 of 8
  • Message 1. 

    Posted by tisviv (U15188212) on Tuesday, 17th July 2012

    “Please, Lyndy, I’m just a little tired tonight.”
    “Nonsense, Robert. Put your back into it. Almost there.”
    Robert gritted his teeth. He rocked backwards and forwards, pushing as hard as he could.

    Since passing through the menopause his lovely wife seemed to have boundless energy. These nocturnal goings-on were just one of the many manifestations of this.
    “I think liked it better the way we used to have it,” he gasped.
    “That’s because you’ve got no sense of adventure,” Lynda sniffed. “Whereas as I feel myself constantly energised; challenged by my altered hormonal profile.”
    “Can we stop – just for a moment?”
    “Oh, very well.”

    She sounded disappointed. He hated that. He was doing his best, but if he wasn’t careful she’d be calling on some fit young man to see to her needs. Jazzer perhaps, or Harry, maybe Iftikhar?
    “I think I might have to call on Eddie Grundy tomorrow,’ Lynda said suddenly.
    This was too much.
    “Lyndy – that’s just not fair. You can’t possibly. Anyway – “ he forced himself into brutal frankness - “What makes you think he’d be interested?”
    “Really, Robert! Of course he would. I’d pay him.”
    “You wouldn’t!”
    “Try me.”
    Robert shivered with anxiety. “Can we have a hot drink perhaps? I think we should take a rest, maybe talk about this.”
    “I suppose so, though I’d much rather we kept going. It’s very frustrating for me.”

    They sat at the scrubbed pine table in the gleaming kitchen, their hands cradling their steaming vessels.
    “Is this cocoa organic?” Robert asked, to break the silence.
    “Of course. And naturally it’s ethically sourced. Did you know I have the highest eco-principles of anyone on the Parish Council?”
    “You didn’t used to care about such things, back when we lived in Ascot.”
    “A lot of things were different then,” Lynda sighed. “We were young. You had so much vigour.”
    “What did Vicky want to talk to you about?” he asked, changing the subject. “You said you had a doughnut with her?”
    “Danish, Robert. A Danish. Doughnuts are irredeemably common.”
    “So what did she have to say? If it isn’t private?”
    “Private? Heavens no! She wanted to talk to me about her waning appetite, her hot flushes.”
    “Ah.” Poor Mike, it seemed he too was in for a bumpy ride.
    “I had a ponder when I got home. She may think she’s going through the menopause, but a pound to a penny it won’t be that. She’s either pregnant or she has a terminal illness.”
    “Oh dear,” said Robert, thinking that either scenario would be more than somewhat disastrous for the Tuckers.
    Lynda sniffed. “Oh dear indeed. Now then, are we going to get back to it?”
    “Can’t we wait until morning? I might have a bit more energy then…I don’t why you always want to do it in the middle of the night anyway.”
    “Isn’t it obvious? Robert. When I feel the urge I have to satisfy it immediately.”
    “Come on then,” he said. “I’ll have one more try at getting it up.”
    “Atta boy, Robert.”
    “Heave,” said Lynda, below him.
    Her chest wobbled dangerously.

    Robert suddenly felt he had, finally, definitely, come to the end of his tether.
    “I’m going to admit defeat now, Lyndy.” he said firmly. “Enough of this nonsense. You’ll just have to get a man in. It’s obvious we need professional help to rearrange the furniture after all.”
    “Oh, Robert,” Lynda sighed, “When you use those masterful tones it’s - well, it’s really quite magical, what it does to me.”
    One thing was for sure, Robert thought. These post-climacteric urges to obey the dark forces of Feng Shui certainly had a lot to answer for.

    ------------------------





    Report message1

  • Message 2

    , in reply to message 1.

    Posted by Ayesha Bhatia (U14738640) on Tuesday, 17th July 2012

    “Please, Lyndy, I’m just a little tired tonight.”
    “Nonsense, Robert. Put your back into it. Almost there.”
    Robert gritted his teeth. He rocked backwards and forwards, pushing as hard as he could.

    Since passing through the menopause his lovely wife seemed to have boundless energy. These nocturnal goings-on were just one of the many manifestations of this.
    “I think liked it better the way we used to have it,” he gasped.
    “That’s because you’ve got no sense of adventure,” Lynda sniffed. “Whereas as I feel myself constantly energised; challenged by my altered hormonal profile.”
    “Can we stop – just for a moment?”
    “Oh, very well.”

    She sounded disappointed. He hated that. He was doing his best, but if he wasn’t careful she’d be calling on some fit young man to see to her needs. Jazzer perhaps, or Harry, maybe Iftikhar?
    “I think I might have to call on Eddie Grundy tomorrow,’ Lynda said suddenly.
    This was too much.
    “Lyndy – that’s just not fair. You can’t possibly. Anyway – “ he forced himself into brutal frankness - “What makes you think he’d be interested?”
    “Really, Robert! Of course he would. I’d pay him.”
    “You wouldn’t!”
    “Try me.”
    Robert shivered with anxiety. “Can we have a hot drink perhaps? I think we should take a rest, maybe talk about this.”
    “I suppose so, though I’d much rather we kept going. It’s very frustrating for me.”

    They sat at the scrubbed pine table in the gleaming kitchen, their hands cradling their steaming vessels.
    “Is this cocoa organic?” Robert asked, to break the silence.
    “Of course. And naturally it’s ethically sourced. Did you know I have the highest eco-principles of anyone on the Parish Council?”
    “You didn’t used to care about such things, back when we lived in Ascot.”
    “A lot of things were different then,” Lynda sighed. “We were young. You had so much vigour.”
    “What did Vicky want to talk to you about?” he asked, changing the subject. “You said you had a doughnut with her?”
    “Danish, Robert. A Danish. Doughnuts are irredeemably common.”
    “So what did she have to say? If it isn’t private?”
    “Private? Heavens no! She wanted to talk to me about her waning appetite, her hot flushes.”
    “Ah.” Poor Mike, it seemed he too was in for a bumpy ride.
    “I had a ponder when I got home. She may think she’s going through the menopause, but a pound to a penny it won’t be that. She’s either pregnant or she has a terminal illness.”
    “Oh dear,” said Robert, thinking that either scenario would be more than somewhat disastrous for the Tuckers.
    Lynda sniffed. “Oh dear indeed. Now then, are we going to get back to it?”
    “Can’t we wait until morning? I might have a bit more energy then…I don’t why you always want to do it in the middle of the night anyway.”
    “Isn’t it obvious? Robert. When I feel the urge I have to satisfy it immediately.”
    “Come on then,” he said. “I’ll have one more try at getting it up.”
    “Atta boy, Robert.”
    “Heave,” said Lynda, below him.
    Her chest wobbled dangerously.

    Robert suddenly felt he had, finally, definitely, come to the end of his tether.
    “I’m going to admit defeat now, Lyndy.” he said firmly. “Enough of this nonsense. You’ll just have to get a man in. It’s obvious we need professional help to rearrange the furniture after all.”
    “Oh, Robert,” Lynda sighed, “When you use those masterful tones it’s - well, it’s really quite magical, what it does to me.”
    One thing was for sure, Robert thought. These post-climacteric urges to obey the dark forces of Feng Shui certainly had a lot to answer for.

    ------------------------





     

    That was fantastic!
    Can we have the sequel please?
    There are definitely people on here with talent!
    I wish I could write like that ...


    Ayesha


    Report message2

  • Message 3

    , in reply to message 2.

    Posted by tisviv (U15188212) on Wednesday, 18th July 2012

    Thanks, Ayesha

    Report message3

  • Message 4

    , in reply to message 3.

    Posted by Vicky S (U2258400) on Wednesday, 18th July 2012

    tisviv, you are such a tease. What with all the 50 Shades of Grey malarkey I thought you were trying us out as a marketing test before launching Archer Lite Porn on the grateful, if bemused, nation.

    Report message4

  • Message 5

    , in reply to message 4.

    Posted by tisviv (U15188212) on Friday, 20th July 2012

    tisviv, you are such a tease. What with all the 50 Shades of Grey malarkey I thought you were trying us out as a marketing test before launching Archer Lite Porn on the grateful, if bemused, nation.  Thanks, Vicky.
    Now, who could we have as the Masterful Older Man? Oliver's already been splendidly done (so to speak) elsewhere. I think it would have to be...........Mr Pullen. Fifty Shades of Grey Cardigan perhaps?

    Report message5

  • Message 6

    , in reply to message 5.

    Posted by Sixties Relic SAVE ML (U13777237) on Monday, 23rd July 2012

    Lovely!

    More please.

    Report message6

  • Message 7

    , in reply to message 1.

    Posted by Nelson_G (U13801071) on Friday, 27th July 2012

    :- )

    Report message7

  • Message 8

    , in reply to message 1.

    Posted by FleetingEileenM (U14106338) on Monday, 30th July 2012

    Very clever tisviv, you had me fooled right to the end smiley - biggrin

    Report message8

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