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I'm supporting Usha

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Messages: 151 - 200 of 207
  • Message 151

    , in reply to message 150.

    Posted by MsMumbo-Jumbo (U3613133) on Monday, 14th May 2012

    Well quite, Anna.
    Not real life as I know it.
    (And I speak as a mother of 2 who has lived through numerous bf traumas, some coinciding with divorce).

    Unfortunately real life these days too often gets confused with soap life.
    And vice versa.
    MJ

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  • Message 152

    , in reply to message 1.

    Posted by Joshmerryweather (U7733257) on Monday, 14th May 2012

    Given who she is dealing with.  I'm not...she is a trained counselor...why did she not confront Carl at the lawyers junket..?
    And most of all why not tell TVOA! He's a flippin priest (albeit a trendy proddy one)...and her husband!
    if you can't confide in him then whats the point.....

    Report message2

  • Message 153

    , in reply to message 52.

    Posted by maninbluebox (U15268545) on Monday, 14th May 2012

    I'm backing Usha too. Trouble is the scriptwriters have really got it in for her. They've carefully meanouvered her into a corner even to the point that they've altered Alan's character. They've decided he's no longer an excellent vicar because he appears to be unable to extend his christian forgiveness to his wife. Christian forgiveness is also something the vicars daughter Amy doesn't possess either as far as Usha's concerned. Meanwhile Carl gets off scott free.

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  • Message 154

    , in reply to message 153.

    Posted by brandysmum (U14739223) on Monday, 14th May 2012

    In a very unChristian way, I just want Usha to chuck a bucket of cold water over Alan and Amy. That will really give them something to moan about.

    At some point she has to just tell them both some home truths. They are behaving like a pair of spoilt kids wallowing in their own misery.

    Report message4

  • Message 155

    , in reply to message 153.

    Posted by bebopalula (U8847542) on Monday, 14th May 2012

    Meanwhile Carl gets off scott free

    You could be right because probably the SL will be that Usha got it all wrong.

    Bebop

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  • Message 156

    , in reply to message 155.

    Posted by joe (U13868420) on Monday, 14th May 2012

    probably the SL will be that Usha got it all wrong.  Got what wrong, though? All she has done so far is not to pass on unsubstantiated gossip from Annabelle.

    Wasn't there something in TA fairly recently about that? Can't for the moment recall who started it all…

    Report message6

  • Message 157

    , in reply to message 156.

    Posted by KT (U1158731) on Monday, 14th May 2012

    << Got what wrong, though? All she has done so far is not to pass on unsubstantiated gossip from Annabelle.

    Wasn't there something in TA fairly recently about that? Can't for the moment recall who started it all… >>

    Excellent point! The man is a humbug.

    Report message7

  • Message 158

    , in reply to message 156.

    Posted by bebopalula (U8847542) on Tuesday, 15th May 2012

    Well I don't think she got anything wrong but she is being made to feel she did consequently she keeps saying sorry and to cap it all asking for forgiveness. Alan was totally besotted with Usha before marrying her and the change in his attitude towards her is amazing. I am also surprised that Usah did not remind Alan of the episode in her office on Alan's return - she wanted to tell him and he cleared off to see Adam. This is what mystifies me Usha did not have any trouble having a go at shula but with Alan she is almost frightened to defend herself. Is it an undercover domestic violence SL I wonder. I am clutching at straws now because none of it makes sense.

    Bebop

    Report message8

  • Message 159

    , in reply to message 158.

    Posted by Poorgrass (U12099742) on Tuesday, 15th May 2012

    It's known as sudden character change syndrome - there appears to be an epidemic of this strange script writer caused disease in Ambridge. I find it very annoying.

    Report message9

  • Message 160

    , in reply to message 10.

    Posted by notjenniferaldrich (U8555450) on Tuesday, 15th May 2012

    << I think it was quite wrong for her to tell Ruth before she told Alan &/or Amy. >>

    Perhaps the SW's can arrange for Amy to find out about that too - in fact her news could be half way round the village by now!

    But other than that, I back Usha, certainly against the blame coming at her from her sanctimonious husband.  
    When you get married, in fact if you commit to anyone and mean it, then that person should become your best friend and confidant.

    If Usha could find time to tell Ruth she could have found time to tell Alan. Correction, she should have found time to tell Alan. It would then have been his call.

    First rule of being a step-parent :- don't take the big decisions yourself. 
    I think it's unfair to blame Usha for talking to her friend about her dilemma (whatever one might think of the friend she chose). She was trying to work things out in her own mind, and talking to someone can help get things into perspective. It's very difficult to work through something like that with family when it's the family that's part of the problem!

    I think she has shown true consideration and empathy, and that it's very unfair to apportion blame.

    And I agree with the poster who suggested what sort of reaction Usha might have got if she had mentioned the odious Karl's "arrangements" to either of her "loved ones".

    Poor Usha, she waited so long for love, and look what she got!

    Report message10

  • Message 161

    , in reply to message 154.

    Posted by Fi of little faith (U14298768) on Tuesday, 15th May 2012

    "At some point she has to just tell them both some home truths. They are behaving like a pair of spoilt kids wallowing in their own misery"

    I get the impression that what they are enjoying is seeing Usha wallow in misery. And they call themselves christian. Now, I am not a man of god, but wouldn't a so-called person be trying to heal the rift between his wife and daughter rather than deepen the chasm.

    Report message11

  • Message 162

    , in reply to message 3.

    Posted by cat_lady (U2262333) on Tuesday, 15th May 2012

    So am I. She meant well.   So am I. Amy is a spoilt little madam, and I say this advisedly knowing she lost her mum, which I am not trying to minimise. What she experienced with the even more immature Carl was a necessary life lesson, as he struck me as a typical young free and footloose commitmentphobe, as he had a right to be). Nobody put a gun to his head to marry. But if Amy is prepared to throw away all the love and care that Usha has shown her...more the fool her. Please SWs, heal this rift. c/lx

    Report message12

  • Message 163

    , in reply to message 162.

    Posted by PhyllisDoris (U2224329) on Tuesday, 15th May 2012

    You would think, from Amy's behaviour, that she has never liked Usha and is glad to finally have an excuse to show it without invoking her father's disapproval.

    Which isn't the way she was played pre Carl at all. I would have thought that however angry and upset she was with her stepmother, the happy relationship they have shared in the past would have allowed her to feel /something/ for Usha's distress.

    Report message13

  • Message 164

    , in reply to message 157.

    Posted by JoinedPeetsBoard_Smeesues_too (U14519481) on Tuesday, 15th May 2012

    But Usha does not/did not think it unsubstantiated gossip at all - she thinks it true. There always was a fine line between "need to know" and gossip. Though she never checked it!

    Usha could have presented it as unsubstantiated gossip though - when she slipped up when hearing of Amy's being cast off by Carl
    JPBS

    Report message14

  • Message 165

    , in reply to message 7.

    Posted by Kateob (U14502268) on Wednesday, 16th May 2012

    Talk about deja vu! I feel your pain, Usha. Now daddy and little girlie have banded together and you're on the outside. Some Christian he is!

    Report message15

  • Message 166

    , in reply to message 151.

    Posted by Cillabubb (U15271563) on Wednesday, 16th May 2012

    In soap operas. nobody ever does the obvious sensible thing or there would be no "drama." It's not just The Archers. I'm always yelling at the television "Just tell him/her, you muppet."

    Report message16

  • Message 167

    , in reply to message 153.

    Posted by Keith (U15271876) on Thursday, 17th May 2012

    I'm backing Usha too. Trouble is the scriptwriters have really got it in for her. They've carefully meanouvered her into a corner even to the point that they've altered Alan's character. They've decided he's no longer an excellent vicar because he appears to be unable to extend his christian forgiveness to his wife. Christian forgiveness is also something the vicars daughter Amy doesn't possess either as far as Usha's concerned. Meanwhile Carl gets off scott free.  I agree - all of a sudden Alan has become the punchline of the old joke - 'For an angel, Gabriel, you can be a right ba***rd sometimes!
    As for Amy, I'm getting fed up of her childish attitude. She is supposed to be an intelligent, grown up, ex-student medical practitioner, not a 16 yr old. It's about time the scriptwriters remembered that and started using some of the ingenuity and character insight that they used to find ways to stop Usha from telling Alan. It was he that cut her off on several occasions.
    I think that Usha's responses were perfectly logical within the parameters of her character. It's Alan that the writers are causing to act uncharacteristically - even taking into account his doting parenthood.
    Come on - let's get this back on track

    Report message17

  • Message 168

    , in reply to message 8.

    Posted by Keith (U15271876) on Thursday, 17th May 2012

    I could feel my blood pressure going through the roof. All that drivel abot not being able to find the time to tell Alan, or Amy, yet she blapped it to Ruth first opportunity she got.

    I hope she gets what she deserves.  
    That's because she DID get an opportunity to speak to Ruth. Alan cut her off on several occasions. Personally, as a step parent, I think that this was handled quite well at the time - it's only now that it's getting silly

    Report message18

  • Message 169

    , in reply to message 167.

    Posted by Bette (U2222559) on Thursday, 17th May 2012

    I think that Usha's responses were perfectly logical within the parameters of her character. It's Alan that the writers are causing to act uncharacteristically - even taking into account his doting parenthood.
    Come on - let's get this back on track 


    Amen to that!

    Report message19

  • Message 170

    , in reply to message 169.

    Posted by BasiainBrooklyn (U505001) on Thursday, 17th May 2012

    Another one supporting Usha, although I'm not sure there's much to support; she seems to have lost her backbone somewhere in all of this. For heaven's sake woman, pull yourself together, and you too Amy you sniveling brat. I want to slap her so hard and knock some perspective into Alan. What is wrong with all of them?

    I have been in a similar situation where I saw something that I immediately wished I hadn't, as I knew at that moment, that whatever I did was going to be wrong.

    About 10 years ago, a dear friend of mine was besotted with her new man, well, boy. He was the singer in a rubbish band and a complete idiot. Anyone who walks around NYC in a cowboy hat and vest needs a good excuse - he didn't have one. Everyone but her seemed to know he was a jerk.

    This partic night, agroup of us had all arranged to move on from bar A, where his band had been performing, to Bar B. My friend left early and expected her new squeeze to follow on after he'd packed up his band equipment. This packing up of the band's equipment involved snogging some girl at the bar accompanied by some unmistakable body language. I left to join my friend, who was waiting for this playboy.

    I asked if he was joining her and she said he must have got held up with the band. It would have been ridiculous to have said anything that night...what it if was his best friend with whom he had a close relationship? Sister? Oh humour me. Anyway, telilng my friend that her new love was probably at that moment shacking up with some other chick just wasn't on the agenda for me. Telling her in a bar? What if I was somehow mistaken?

    The next time I spoke to her, she confirmed that he never showed up that night, then the days went by when I tried to arrange to see her so I didn't do this over the phone, but we were both so busy and I really didn't relish it anyway, so there may well have been some procrastination on my part.

    I of course made the mistake of telling one other very close mutual friend to ask if I should just not say anything because she was so besotted and let her find out for herself but that seemed so cruel. The mutual friend knew that golden boy was fooling around with other women so it came as no surprise, but also didn't know what the best course of action was with our mutual friend's best interests at heart.

    Of course the longer I didn't tell her, the more difficult it became because I knew I was running the risk of "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" (hello Amy and Usha) and if I did tell her, I knew she wouldn't believe me or be beyond hurt or offended or defensive and I just couldn't deal.

    About two weeks after Romeo was spotted, my friend and I were having a weekly catch-up over the phone, during which I was hoping she would say she had lost interest in him or that he'd moved to LA, where he clearly belonged, or died, which is like moving to LA anyway. No such luck. She went into a soliloquy about how they are soul mates, kindred spirits, how he is so spiritual and sensitive until finally I snapped and told her that I couldn't listen for another minute while she extolled this rat's virtues.

    It was exactly as I had dreaded, except worse, because I of course should have told her sooner, and how could I have let her humiliate herself and who else knew, and she thought I was a better friend etc etc etc. Ugh, ugh, ugh.

    Things were mighty frosty between us for a while as he denied up and down and so I was the bad guy for talking trash about her beloved. Years later she apologised to me, and was gracious enough to acknowledge that she knew I had had her best interests at heart and appreciated that I was damned if I did, and damned if I didn't. She wished she'd known about him from the outset. Well, there is nothing that teaches you how to guard against this....except experience. I vowed never to tell again if I saw a friend being cheated on, fingers burned once was enough.

    I entirely empathise with Usha but the sound of eggshells is deafening. Get a grip Amy and Alan; no one died.

    And to those people who say Usha should have told Amy straight away...it's really not that simple and definitely not that easy.

    Next episode I expect Amy to be foetal with her thumb in her mouth while Alan puts a Disney cartoon on the DVD and builds a raft with an upside down coffee table and a blankie.

    Report message20

  • Message 171

    , in reply to message 170.

    Posted by Redbookish (U1335018) on Thursday, 17th May 2012

    It was exactly as I had dreaded, except worse, because I of course should have told her sooner, and how could I have let her humiliate herself and who else knew, and she thought I was a better friend etc etc etc. Ugh, ugh, ugh.

    Things were mighty frosty between us for a while as he denied up and down and so I was the bad guy for talking trash about her beloved. Years later she apologised to me, and was gracious enough to acknowledge that she knew I had had her best interests at heart and appreciated that I was damned if I did, and damned if I didn't. She wished she'd known about him from the outset. 


    As I've said before (on this or another thread?), someone in Usha's situation is damned if she does, damned if she doesn't.

    All the RL advice I have *ever* seen or heard or been given (I've been in a situation a little like Basia's -- I'm sure most of us have) is that one never knows "what goes on in a relationship in private" and one should back off.

    What's happening is that Amy is -- quite realistically, commonly,** but unfortunately -- she's blaming the non-messenger. Had Usha told her, she would have blamed the messenger.

    **ie it happensa fair bit, not that she's "common"

    Report message21

  • Message 172

    , in reply to message 171.

    Posted by Poorgrass (U12099742) on Thursday, 17th May 2012

    >What's happening is that Amy is -- quite realistically, commonly,** but unfortunately -- she's blaming the non-messenger. Had Usha told her, she would have blamed the messenger. <

    I think you've hit the nail on the head there. There are people like Amy that are purely emotional and irrational - Usha was damned if she had told her and damned if she didn't.

    Report message22

  • Message 173

    , in reply to message 172.

    Posted by Purple_Hay (U14319650) on Thursday, 17th May 2012

    I think Ushsa is developing a backbone and I am looking forward to Amy and Alan getting a real dressing down.

    Report message23

  • Message 174

    , in reply to message 173.

    Posted by Dinah Shore (U14984316) on Thursday, 17th May 2012

    And a really fluffy dressing gown?

    Report message24

  • Message 175

    , in reply to message 172.

    Posted by JustJanie - Fairweather Strider (U10822512) on Thursday, 17th May 2012

    I don't suppose she would have been thanked if she'd told her but she'd be in a lot less hot water now if she'd told Alan. (I hope she would have made sure of her facts first, though. Is he going to turn out not to be married?)

    And to answer Red and Basia's point: while it's true that you think twice before interfering in a couple's relationship, the particular circumstances of this fictional one were that the vicar's daughter is madly in love with her first serious boyfriend and has brought him home to tea whereupon he expounds about his beloved granny. What is the likelihood that she knows and doesn't mind that he is married? Very small I should say. Does she need to know? I would say, yes, and quickly because she's obviously building this relationship into something it can never be.

    I understand about dithering and procrastination, very human, but I'm not sure I agree with the damned if you do or don't argument in these particular fictional circumstances.

    Good story, but they need to move it along a bit. I think I saw a tiny light go on in Alan's head yesterday. What will happen next, I wonder? Is he not married after all? Will Usha leave?

    Report message25

  • Message 176

    , in reply to message 175.

    Posted by Daisymegs (U14542112) on Thursday, 17th May 2012

    Tagging on...

    I think, in Usha's position, I would have grabbed Alan the absolute second I saw him on his own and say 'guess what/oh my god, I saw Carl at the do with a woman, and Annabel said it was his wife' - just a fairly 'simple' statement of fact, then the burden would be shared immediately and the 'problem' would be theirs to discuss and decide what to do.

    Sorry if this POV has been put before, have not read entire thread.

    And isn't a parent's role to help our children work through bad times so they learn and become stronger? Not wallow in self-pity.

    D

    Report message26

  • Message 177

    , in reply to message 1.

    Posted by Sarah (U1519301) on Thursday, 17th May 2012

    I think Alan is being a bit of an arse but the fundamental flaw in this whole story is that noone who was friends with someone, let alone their stepmother, would not keep this information from the injured party in favour of someone they hardly know! Be honest, if you saw the boyfriend of someone you know with his wife, you would not hesitate to go straight round and tell them. If you didn't your not much of a friend.
    Usha's personality of righteousness and justice would not keep it a secret either. This is just the writers playing at 'Eastenders'.

    Report message27

  • Message 178

    , in reply to message 176.

    Posted by Redbookish (U1335018) on Thursday, 17th May 2012

    I think, in Usha's position, I would have grabbed Alan the absolute second I saw him on his own  But wasn't Alan on retreat when Usha saw Carl at the do?

    I agree, I think IRL it's much more likely that Usha would have mentioned something to Alan at night in bed, or while they were cleaning their teeth, but we'd have to hear it, and do we *really* want to hear Archers characters in the bathroom, or more of their pillow talk than we already get (which makes my toes curl, usually)? Be careful what you wish for! < grin >

    Report message28

  • Message 179

    , in reply to message 178.

    Posted by JustJanie - Fairweather Strider (U10822512) on Thursday, 17th May 2012

    He was away for a couple of days during which time Amy wasn't seeing Carl, if I remember correctly. In those two days Usha managed to get herself into a tizzy about whether Amy knew or not and whether Alan could handle it if she did. For the reasons I've mentioned above that always seemed very unlikely and I think this is the weak part of this story.

    I think we have suffered enough, now, and it's time to move to the next stage with Alan trying to make it up to Usha.

    Report message29

  • Message 180

    , in reply to message 179.

    Posted by shulascat (U14737252) on Thursday, 17th May 2012

    Agreed. I think the listeners are suffering as much as Usha.

    I'd love to find out, though, that this whole thing is based on a silly misunderstanding. Perhaps Annabelle (who has so far revealed herself to be totally flawless) had got the whole married thing wrong - mistaken identity or something - then they will all look even bigger idiots.

    Report message30

  • Message 181

    , in reply to message 59.

    Posted by Molihua (U14740111) on Saturday, 19th May 2012

    I back Usha all the way - she tried to speak to Alan but he cut her off; 

    Alan is a useless husband. He knew perfectly well that his wife had something important to tell him, and after the interruption of flying to Adam's bedside never once bothered to ask her what it was.

    And he's useless for letting his anger get in the way of trying to understand the difficult position that Usha was in.

    And furthermore, praying, "for some sort of guidance" suggests that he doesn't have much confidence in whatever help his god might have to offer. Useless vicar too.  


    I totally agree.

    What shocks me is the outright rudeness and coldness with which Usha has been treated - not only by Amy but by Alan. If they are not careful, this will expose serious fault lines in Alan and Usha's marriage.

    And I don't buy the idea that Alan, when confronted by Usha about his behaviour, was totally unaware of how he was treating his wife. If you are behaving angrily and coldly and are excluding your wife from family activities then you KNOW you are doing it, and you are doing it BECAUSE of something - in this case, presumably to punish her.

    In my opinion, Usha's *only* fault, after Alan's return, was not to take the very next opportunity (after he'd been to the hospital to see Adam) to talk to Alan on his own. If he seemed busy/distracted, she could have insisted that he find some time later that day to discuss something private and important.

    Report message31

  • Message 182

    , in reply to message 181.

    Posted by Purple_Hay (U14319650) on Saturday, 19th May 2012

    Alan should go to a refuge and think about how he has treated Usha so badly.

    Report message32

  • Message 183

    , in reply to message 153.

    Posted by Dinah Shore (U14984316) on Saturday, 19th May 2012

    They've decided he's no longer an excellent vicar  He has NEVER been an excellent vicar.

    He neglects the other 5 parishes he has care of, to a shocking extent. He does no confirmation classes, no spiritual guidance, or visiting of the sick unless they are in a coma.

    He has never been a good person.

    Report message33

  • Message 184

    , in reply to message 183.

    Posted by Poorgrass (U12099742) on Saturday, 19th May 2012

    If that's 6 parishes in total, it would be too much for anyone to do the job properly IMO. Things like doing confirmation classes can be delegated, but the essential duties such as visiting the sick and administering the sacraments would still take up more time than he had. Our priest (RC) currently has 3 churches/mass centres to look after and it's a struggle for him even though he has plenty of help from the laity.

    Of course maybe there are only a handful of parishioners to go with each of TVOA's churches and that makes the job easier, but in that case the churches are probably not viable and will sooner or later be overwhelmed by the cost of upkeep of the buildings.

    Perhaps the script writers ought to explore this issue more - how big is the congregation of St. Stephen's? But I suspect that even if they did as with The Bull and the Village Shop, the Ambridge fairy would appear at the last moment to save it.

    Report message34

  • Message 185

    , in reply to message 181.

    Posted by JustJanie - Fairweather Strider (U10822512) on Saturday, 19th May 2012

    << And I don't buy the idea that Alan, when confronted by Usha about his behaviour, was totally unaware of how he was treating his wife. If you are behaving angrily and coldly and are excluding your wife from family activities then you KNOW you are doing it, and you are doing it BECAUSE of something - in this case, presumably to punish her. >>

    I agree that it is baffling. I don't find it credible that Alan, when confronted, denied that he was still angry with Usha or was surprised she had felt left out. If he's so all-fired sensitive to Amy and her 'raw' feelings and 'needing comfort' how can he be so ill-attuned to Usha's and indeed his own?

    Report message35

  • Message 186

    , in reply to message 185.

    Posted by maysta (U14736305) on Sunday, 20th May 2012

    << And I don't buy the idea that Alan, when confronted by Usha about his behaviour, was totally unaware of how he was treating his wife. If you are behaving angrily and coldly and are excluding your wife from family activities then you KNOW you are doing it, and you are doing it BECAUSE of something - in this case, presumably to punish her. >>

    I agree that it is baffling. I don't find it credible that Alan, when confronted, denied that he was still angry with Usha or was surprised she had felt left out. If he's so all-fired sensitive to Amy and her 'raw' feelings and 'needing comfort' how can he be so ill-attuned to Usha's and indeed his own?  
    Don't be silly - this is The Archers. Everyone takes offence at nothing at all, then goes on feeling bitter for weeks and weeks. Just stop listening for a week or two. That way you can also miss Alan's guilt trip when he comes to his senses and, hopefully, Amy finally leaving home (at the age of 42?)

    Report message36

  • Message 187

    , in reply to message 186.

    Posted by shulascat (U14737252) on Sunday, 20th May 2012

    I've just heard on the Omnibus, how incredibly rude Amy was to Usha. Blimey, if a daughter or stepdaughter had spoken to me like that, I'd tell her that if it happens again, she can pack her bags and leave. This isn't a 14-year-old (though anyone would think she is). She's 23!

    Report message37

  • Message 188

    , in reply to message 185.

    Posted by Auntie Molly (U14110968) on Sunday, 20th May 2012

    << And I don't buy the idea that Alan, when confronted by Usha about his behaviour, was totally unaware of how he was treating his wife. If you are behaving angrily and coldly and are excluding your wife from family activities then you KNOW you are doing it, and you are doing it BECAUSE of something - in this case, presumably to punish her. >>

    I agree that it is baffling. I don't find it credible that Alan, when confronted, denied that he was still angry with Usha or was surprised she had felt left out. If he's so all-fired sensitive to Amy and her 'raw' feelings and 'needing comfort' how can he be so ill-attuned to Usha's and indeed his own?  
    Was it that he cannot bring himself to admit even to himself that he has treated Usha appallingly and yes, cruelly, so he has convinced himself that he wasn't really and it was just a silly misunderstanding. Usha should have reminded him of his "you'll never understand" remark.

    Report message38

  • Message 189

    , in reply to message 188.

    Posted by Now Locking for a house (U3261819) on Sunday, 20th May 2012

    Perhaps a flawed vicar is just part of an agenda to make the Cof E and its brand of Christianity more human and accessible

    Report message39

  • Message 190

    , in reply to message 188.

    Posted by JoinedPeetsBoard_Smeesues_too (U14519481) on Monday, 21st May 2012

    Regarding the two bits of that conversation we heard - he will have time to think it over and realise what he has done. This is *far* better than Usha explaining it to him - for him to realise himself. I think it was a case of "Men are from Mars ..". Yes he *should* have realised but no he *didn't* . So far as Usha is concerned why go harping on about it?

    And I agree with a poster on this (or possibly another) thread - this is just a bumpy patch in what seems like a solid marriage. The important thing is they are together on this. However I think both would want to give Amy constant TLC. I think they are right ... no point at all in telling Amy she has been naive - she realises herself. However no blaming Usha either ..
    JPBS

    Report message40

  • Message 191

    , in reply to message 189.

    Posted by Poorgrass (U12099742) on Monday, 21st May 2012

    Perhaps a flawed vicar is just part of an agenda to make the Cof E and its brand of Christianity more human and accessible  Alan has long been flawed and in many ways is the SW's idea of a liberal country vicar - but I don't think he would attract many people to church. In my experience people want somebody less wishy-washy. His predecessor Janet Fisher was almost perfect to the point of unbelievability and had to be since they were pushing the "issue" of women priests and while IMO it would have been great fun for Janet to have an affair with Brian instead of Shiobhain, the script writers were never going to let it happen because of the feminist agenda.

    Report message41

  • Message 192

    , in reply to message 185.

    Posted by Redbookish (U1335018) on Monday, 21st May 2012

    If he's so all-fired sensitive to Amy and her 'raw' feelings and 'needing comfort' how can he be so ill-attuned to Usha's and indeed his own? 

    I understood it that what they [actors, SWs] wanted to show was Alan's overwhelming concern for Amy. It's a drama, there's an imbalance, and it's not necessarily how people *should* behave as if in real life ... it's heightened. And they have only 14 minutes to show this, so they do it in what we'd find IRL to be excessive, I suppose.

    And it works: we're engaged with the right & wrongs of the situation, and -- if the title of this thread is anything to go by -- there are listeners who are emotionally engaged, even if just for 14 minutes!

    Report message42

  • Message 193

    , in reply to message 190.

    Posted by Dinah Shore (U14984316) on Monday, 21st May 2012

    {{ This is *far* better than Usha explaining it to him - for him to realise himself. }}

    but what we heard was

    "You don't even kiss me goodnight anymore!!!!"

    "Oh, Usha, this makes me see how wrong I was, how I cannot possibly run a marriage preparation class any more, how I have been unfair to you in siding with Amy's unreasonableness in sending you to Coventry (although she did it with good intentions, all your rellies being in nearby Wolverhampton, where the Tamarinds come from. Possibly) and how much I am a worm."

    Un. Be. Leevable

    Report message43

  • Message 194

    , in reply to message 190.

    Posted by anna kist (U2314477) on Monday, 21st May 2012

    < no point at all in telling Amy she has been naive - she realises herself. >

    But plenty of reasons to tell her her attitude towards Usha is not on and sulking and weeping is boring and won't get her anywhere.

    Report message44

  • Message 195

    , in reply to message 192.

    Posted by JustJanie - Fairweather Strider (U10822512) on Monday, 21st May 2012

    << And it works: we're engaged with the right & wrongs of the situation >>

    Certainly, I'm engaged, but they are laying on Alan's emotional thickness a bit thick, past the point of credibility and that strikes a false note for me - if I can't believe it, I'm less engaged.

    Alan said he would pray for guidance. How can he be so unaware of his own feelings? He shouldn't have been so surprised Usha felt he was angry with her. I mean, he WOULDN'T have been so surprised. Nor that she felt left out.

    He could hardly be unaware that he had been snapping at her all week, dropping little reproaches into every conversation like 'she shouldn't have had to leave', 'how could you have thought that?', cutting her short every time she asked how Amy was, telling her angrily she was not to talk to Amy, using one tone for Amy, another for Usha, it went on and on like that all week. And he's surprised she felt left out?

    It's not a huge deal, just something that jarred with me. I await with interest what happens next. Will Amy be annoyed that the wedge she was successfully driving between Alan and Usha is no longer working?

    Report message45

  • Message 196

    , in reply to message 193.

    Posted by JoinedPeetsBoard_Smeesues_too (U14519481) on Monday, 21st May 2012

    I believe it! Sometimes the penny just drops ...

    And this can happen with respect to a difficult technical problem as well as with a problem with human relations ..

    It is as if someone has supplied a missing piece of the jigsaw..

    Though it is usually afterwards when you realise how well the pieces fit together

    Anyway Alan is trying to do something about it *now* .. though a bit hopeless tackling her after a night shift. Even if Amy realised how unfair she had been this is not the time to get her to admit it - or apologise
    JPBS

    Report message46

  • Message 197

    , in reply to message 187.

    Posted by Molihua (U14740111) on Tuesday, 22nd May 2012

    I've just heard on the Omnibus, how incredibly rude Amy was to Usha. Blimey, if a daughter or stepdaughter had spoken to me like that, I'd tell her that if it happens again, she can pack her bags and leave. This isn't a 14-year-old (though anyone would think she is). She's 23!   Yes - this rudness is what's really getting to me. In TV and radio dramas such as The Archers and EastEnders it seems perfectly OK to freeze out your parents/step-parents and make them 'pay' for any real or imagined wrongdoing. Frankly, I would not have been allowed to get away with this sort of behaviour towards my own parents, or indeed anyone in their generation, and find it shocking.

    Report message47

  • Message 198

    , in reply to message 197.

    Posted by Poorgrass (U12099742) on Tuesday, 22nd May 2012

    I've just heard on the Omnibus, how incredibly rude Amy was to Usha. Blimey, if a daughter or stepdaughter had spoken to me like that, I'd tell her that if it happens again, she can pack her bags and leave. This isn't a 14-year-old (though anyone would think she is). She's 23!   Yes - this rudness is what's really getting to me. In TV and radio dramas such as The Archers and EastEnders it seems perfectly OK to freeze out your parents/step-parents and make them 'pay' for any real or imagined wrongdoing. Frankly, I would not have been allowed to get away with this sort of behaviour towards my own parents, or indeed anyone in their generation, and find it shocking.

     
    I'm afraid that sort of pathetic emotionally illiterate and unpleasant behavior is all too common these days. You should know that the universe revolves about me, my emotional needs, and everybody else is so unfair... Me me me me me me me...! And I'll stamp my feet and sulk if I don't get my way.

    Report message48

  • Message 199

    , in reply to message 198.

    Posted by Molihua (U14740111) on Tuesday, 22nd May 2012

    I've just heard on the Omnibus, how incredibly rude Amy was to Usha. Blimey, if a daughter or stepdaughter had spoken to me like that, I'd tell her that if it happens again, she can pack her bags and leave. This isn't a 14-year-old (though anyone would think she is). She's 23!   Yes - this rudness is what's really getting to me. In TV and radio dramas such as The Archers and EastEnders it seems perfectly OK to freeze out your parents/step-parents and make them 'pay' for any real or imagined wrongdoing. Frankly, I would not have been allowed to get away with this sort of behaviour towards my own parents, or indeed anyone in their generation, and find it shocking.

     
    I'm afraid that sort of pathetic emotionally illiterate and unpleasant behavior is all too common these days. You should know that the universe revolves about me, my emotional needs, and everybody else is so unfair... Me me me me me me me...! And I'll stamp my feet and sulk if I don't get my way. 
    I can (just about) imagine freezing out someone of my own age - like OK, I'm sure I've done it myself in the past (I sincerely hope that the last time I did it was when I was at school; I'm now in my late 40s). But I try not to mistreat my friends, not least because, leaving morality aside, from a purely practical point of view, you'll have to repair the damage at some point. It's just the freezing out of one's 'elders and betters' that I find especially shocking. Yes, I've shown irritation and snapped at older 'annoying' relatives/friends, but to effectively send them to Coventry is something I just couldn't imagine doing.

    If I had begun any such 'freezing out' behaviour on either of my parents, I'm sure that the other would have acted as a bridge so that understanding would be restored fairly quickly. What's saddening about Alan and Usha is that he immediately assumed that she wouldn't understand, and cut her out of things.

    But I know that I mustn't get too hung up on this; it's a drama, after all, and we're just a message board...!

    Report message49

  • Message 200

    , in reply to message 198.

    Posted by DracoM1 (U14252039) on Tuesday, 22nd May 2012

    I've just heard on the Omnibus, how incredibly rude Amy was to Usha. Blimey, if a daughter or stepdaughter had spoken to me like that, I'd tell her that if it happens again, she can pack her bags and leave. This isn't a 14-year-old (though anyone would think she is). She's 23!   Yes - this rudness is what's really getting to me. In TV and radio dramas such as The Archers and EastEnders it seems perfectly OK to freeze out your parents/step-parents and make them 'pay' for any real or imagined wrongdoing. Frankly, I would not have been allowed to get away with this sort of behaviour towards my own parents, or indeed anyone in their generation, and find it shocking.

     
    I'm afraid that sort of pathetic emotionally illiterate and unpleasant behavior is all too common these days. You should know that the universe revolves about me, my emotional needs, and everybody else is so unfair... Me me me me me me me...! And I'll stamp my feet and sulk if I don't get my way. 
    And we're back to TC and YMB all over again.
    Groundhog day or what?

    Report message50

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