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Posted Nov 2, 1999 by Gwog
What's in a name?
A lot, sometimes, when it comes to the whole online 'nick' paradigm. For someone as active on the internet as myself, the nickname becomes a form of "branding" which ties all your activities together for the people that you come in contact with. Which is why it was with a heavy heart that I abandoned my nick of several years at the end of October. "Gollywog" is dead; Long Live "Gwog".
Why?
Easy. Gollywog is a racist term, and as such is totally unacceptable.
Why in hell would I choose a racist nickname?
Easy. I didn't know it was.
You see, there is this unknown heavy metal band. Agony Column... quite good stuff, actually, and I had the unique opportunity to create and maintain their official website. Anyway, this band had a song... a really good, rocking song, all about how there are these creatures that embody all that is evil and twisted about the human race. Their name? Gollywogs. Wow, what a cool nickname for someone who likes heavy metal, violent computer games, and horror movies! Sign me up! So off I went on my merry way, to eventually become a freelance web journalist and webmaster in the online computer game community (ok, well, I've also got a fulltime *real* job too). This increase in activity brought me in contact, as internet time is so wont to do, with many people from "across the pond". And lo and behold... there's a slang term for blacks in England that is the same as my nickname! And even worse, it's used right here in the good old U.S. of A.! Even more incriminating are the little blackface childrens' dolls from the turn of the century that are ALSO called golliwogs...
*sigh*
So I struggled for a while, moral dilemmas mixed in with the reality of my responsibility as a co-habitant of this petri dish of a planet. And before I get too PC, let's not forget that by this point I had ten different gollwog@ email addresses and at least twenty messageboard logins using the nick. Also, my day-to-day hobby involved dealing with and relying on people who only knew my by my pseudonym. Bah squared, says I. It finally came to a head when some angry tapeworm ranted on one of my messageboards "...you might as well call yourself 'F**k Ni**ers'!"
That's it. Time to act.
Naturally, the most important step was to pick a new moniker. Holy crap, what a can of worms! By now it was no longer a simple matter of "thisnamesoundscoolgoodenough"... no oh no. I was experienced in the ways of the net, and was saddled by all kinds of requirements. Let's try and list 'em all...
1. It couldn't be my regular name
-embrace the new paradigm, and accept it...
2. It had to be at least somewhat cool
-who wants to sign a boring name to email? Not I...
3. It couldn't offend
-made that mistake once already...
4. It had to be unique
-yeah, me and ten thousand other "Zaphod"'s would be just great
5. It had to be somewhat 'presentable' to the non-wired clan
-Mrs. Gwog: "Honey, tell me again what your little internet name is?"
Gwog: [ashamedly] "it's... uh.... MisterMeaty..."
Mrs. Gwog: "Oh ah muahahahahaHAHAHAHA*gasp*HAHAHAH"
6. It had to be something I could introduce myself as and not feel too dumb.
-"oh hi, Mr. Possible Freelance Client, it's me! You know, DeathKnuckle!"
7. Preferably it would be one syllable
-hang around on the net long enough, and all your buddies will drop any syllable but the first anyway... I'd been 'Golly' long enough that I knew that.
Ok, that's just about enough of that.
By this time, I was becoming pretty fecking fed up with the whole process, and just wanted to get it over with. Gwog was one of the first ones to pop into my head, for obvious reasons, but it just didn't seem.... cool. But as I ground my way through literally five's of other name possibilities, it was becoming increasingly obvious that the short attention span which plagued my college GPA hadn't magically disappeared just because I was getting a little thin on top.
Gwog was pretty unique. It kinda sounded like the old name. It didn't offend. It's one syllable.
That was where Bruce said "f**k it". Gwog it was.
Gwog it is.
But I'll still answer to 'Golly'  ...
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Posted Nov 2, 1999 by Glaws
Thats a massive journal entry no wonder it took so long to down load the page!
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Posted Nov 2, 1999 by Gwog
I learned that very important lesson a long time ago... namely, size *does* matter
and, to be honest, all that nickname changing stuff was enough of a pain in the ass that it deserved a big long explanation somewhere on the net!
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