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Hi, I'm Matt, or Bebel Matman for the purposes of this messageboard, the reasons for which will be explained if you can find my entry about porn names/star wars names.
I stumbled onto this site when I was looking for jokes to liven up my dull day at work, and have been trapped here ever since. My cats are starving at home and my children have been waiting outside school to get picked up for the last two weeks and it's all your fault.
Ummm...whenever I'm online here it's because I'm bored at work selling travel insurance on the phone (not cold calling, it's all people calling me, so if you have to hate me find another reason, there's plenty. Ha.) and when I'm not doing that I'm at college in London studying Vocal Art to be a pop star or rehearsing with my band trying to be a rock star.
I like Stella Artois, The Simpsons and posing.
Leave me a message and brighten up my day!
Peace.
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Liff
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Welcome to this Researcher's Journal. If you'd like to comment on anything they have written here, just click the relevant 'Discuss this Entry' button. My Journal, by Cyril. T. Cat Esq.
(Dec 14, 2002)
09/12/02
The nightmare continues! My evil captors continue to taunt me. They mock me with shiny dangling trinkets, waving them in my very face expecting me to dance for them like some sick performing whore-slave ritual. They disgust me. They take joy in dining on lavish meat while I am fed dry cereal. Little do they know I have spent my days in this prison perfecting the art of regurgitating this puerile cardboard rubbish into neat little balls of dry vomit, which I am stockpiling in the leather suitcase under the stairs. There is a reason for this, but I haven't quite decided what it is yet...
10/12/02
The depravity of these perverted weirdos nauseates me.
I'm forced to perform my bodily ablutions in a BOX full of GRAVEL with them watching me, then they all stroke and coo at me when I'm finished, deriving some some sick sexual pleasure from my humiliation, presumably. Is this any way to treat a higher being like myself?
In a desparate protest at my treatment, I steeled my guts and... I killed a rodent, savagely mauling and disembowelling it, leaving it's decapitated corpse in their sleeping quarters in an attempt to prove the destruction I am capable of. Would you believe they actually took it as a GIFT and thanked me for it!? These humans that I am held by are most unnerving...
11/12/02
I have been working on my trick of winding my way hypnotically in and out of the humans' legs in an attempt to lull them into a trance, and I nearly tripped one of them over! He dropped some cheese, but this is a minor success in comparison with the idea it has given me- I must try this trick when one of them is at the top of the stairs, maybe in the dark when they've just woken up. Yes. Ha.
I now suspect the other prisoners of being spies for my captors- the bird, although he is in the cage, is constantly talking to the humans, probably about me, and the dog is with them wherever they go, the stupid animal actually seems pleased to be back inside when they get here. It's probably all the drugs they inject into those "treats" they ply him with.
Some other humans came round today, presumably to discuss torture tactics with my captors, and I was kept in confinement. I heard them discussing me, and saying I had to be kept away from the visitors because of something called "Allah Jeeze". This must be some kind of hidden power I have that I don't yet know about. I must find out how to work it to my advantage...
Click here to discuss this
(2 replies,
Latest reply: Mar 16, 2003)
My Diary, by Dave the Dog
(Dec 14, 2002)
09/12/02
10:00- WOW! BREAKFAST! MY FAVOURITE!
11:00- WOW! THE CAR! MY FAVOURITE!
12:00- WOW! THE PARK! MY FAVOURITE!
12:30- WOW! THE CAR! MY FAVOURITE!
13:00- WOW! HOME! MY FAVOURITE!
15:00- WOW! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
17:00- WOW! DINNER! MY FAVOURITE!
17:30- WOW! THE GARDEN! MY FAVOURITE!
18:30- WOW! THE BOSS IS HOME! MY FAVOURITE!
10/12/02
10:00- WOW! BREAKFAST! MY FAVOURITE!
11:00- WOW! THE CAR! MY FAVOURITE!
12:00- WOW! THE PARK! MY FAVOURITE!
12:30- WOW! THE CAR! MY FAVOURITE!
13:00- WOW! HOME! MY FAVOURITE!
15:00- WOW! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
17:00- WOW! DINNER! MY FAVOURITE!
17:30- WOW! THE GARDEN! MY FAVOURITE!
18:30- WOW! THE BOSS IS HOME! MY FAVOURITE!
11/12/02
10:00- WOW! BREAKFAST! MY FAVOURITE!
11:00- WOW! THE CAR! MY FAVOURITE!
12:00- WOW! THE PARK! MY FAVOURITE!
12:30- WOW! THE CAR! MY FAVOURITE!
13:00- WOW! HOME! MY FAVOURITE!
15:00- WOW! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
17:00- WOW! DINNER! MY FAVOURITE!
17:30- WOW! THE GARDEN! MY FAVOURITE!
18:30- WOW! THE BOSS IS HOME! MY FAVOURITE!
19:00- ooh. bath. bummer.
Click here to discuss this
(2 replies,
Latest reply: Dec 19, 2002)
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These are all the Guide Entries this Researcher has created. If you'd like to read them, click on the link, and if you want to talk about them, use the 'Discuss this Entry' button when you get there. From h2g2:
A944480
The Even Deeper Meaning Of Liff - The Saga Continues... (Jan 24, 2003)
From h2g2:
A936128
The Even Deeper Meaning Of Liff - The Saga Continues... (Jan 17, 2003)
From h2g2:
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The Even Deeper Meaning Of Liff - The Saga Continues... (Jan 16, 2003)
From h2g2:
A882551
Name Games (Nov 25, 2002)
From h2g2:
A846065
The Even Deeper Meaning Of Liff - The Saga Continues... (Oct 8, 2002)
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These are all the Edited Entries to which this Researcher has contributed. They obviously read the Writing Guidelines and submitted their Guide Entries to Peer Review: why don't you too? From h2g2:
A901955
Name Games (Jan 10, 2003)
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Bebel Matman Owlatron's Thundercat Tshirt Dude hasn't added any friends to their list.
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