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Ah...so I have to write something about myself do I?

Err...likes reggae music (and other sorts), can cook like a demon, reads a lot (I tend to veer towards 20thC and contemporary US fiction), interested in languages and linguistics. Don't let this put you off...but I also have bi-polar disorder (and if this HAS put you off, "honi soit qui mal y pense".)

There. Is that enough for now?

Edward's Claim to Fame

I have never seen any of the Star Wars films. Not a single one. I'm sure they're very nice - but I've never got around to them. By now, though, it's become a perverse quirk which I intend to nurture until the day I die.

Edward's Undying Shame

I've never seen any of The Godfather trilogy. But I don't like to talk about it.

Film Club

Come and join in a monthly film discussion here.

Note: This has never really taken off. But do give it a shot if you feel like kickstarting it.

La Gallerie d'Edouard

Sometime I photograph stuff. You can see the results here.

I change my name when either a) anybody asks me what it means, b) anyone recognises my reference or c) I feel like it. NOTE: This should not be interpreted as an invitation to demonstrate your prowess with Google. That wouldn't be within the spirit at all!

My names so far have been:

• Edward The Bonobo
• Edward The Bonobo - Crunchy, in a chewy sort of way¹
• Edward The Bonobo - Are those fancies todays? I'll have six, and no eclairs. NO eclairs!²
• Edward The Bonobo - Keep on dancing or you might fall off³
• Edward The Bonobo - No! No! No! No! No more mashed potato⁴
• Edward The Bonobo - The King of Siam sent a telegram saying 'A-[INAPPROPRIATELY CENSORED BY THE BBC] bop a-lula a-[INAPPROPRIATELY CENSORED BY THE BBC] boom bam!'⁵
• Edward The Bonobo - Oh!.....Segovia!⁶
• Edward The Bonobo - No pop no style. I strictly roots⁷.
• Edward The Bonobo - Nice marmot!⁸
• Edward The Bonobo - It tastes just like cherry cola⁹.
• Edward The Bonobo - My mommy was a Moon and my daddy was a Glampers¹⁰.
• Edward The Bonobo - This one is small...the ones outside are far away¹¹.
• Edward The Bonobo - He held me like a cigarette behind a squaddy's bag¹².
• Edward The Bonobo - ...and in session tonight, Freiselige Selsbskontrolle.¹³.
• Edward The Bonobo - Rusty James! Hey, Rusty James! Biff Wilcox is looking for you, Rusty James¹⁴
• Edward The Bonobo - Flash your lights, mama, your horn won't even blow¹⁵
• Edward The Bonobo - I cannot ride, for I have only one buttock¹⁶
• Edward The Bonobo - Empanades! Empanades! Tuto el cielo es empanades!¹⁷
• Edward The Bonobo - Haggerty A, Haggerty F, Tomkins, Noble, Crapper, Davitt...¹⁸
• Edward The Bonobo - Citizens for Boysenberry Jam!¹⁹
• Edward The Bonobo - They call me 'The Hyacinth Girl'²⁰
• Edward The Bonobo - Devil with a blue dress on.²¹
• Edward The Bonobo - I'm looking through Tony Curtis' eyes²².
• Edward The Bonobo - Evidently Tony Curtis Town²³.
• Edward The Bonobo - In a daze 'cause I've found God²⁴.
• Edward The Bonobo - A,C,G,T...and so on²⁵.
• Edward The Bonobo - Oooh, me achin' cremaster!²⁶
• Edward The Bonobo - Why oh why? Lemon firebrigade oh why?²⁷
• Edward The Bonobo - Hey! Luciani.²⁸
• Edward The Bonobo - I 'eard that! Pardon?²⁹
• Edward The Bonobo - Death wears a big hat 'cause he's a big bloke.³⁰
• Edward the Bonobo - It's Iraq, stupid!³¹
• Edward the Bonobo - Gentleman, Scholar and Acrobat.³²
• Edward the Bonobo - If I still had all the money I've spent on drink, I'd spend it all on drink!³³
• Edward the Bonobo - My eyes are orange, my tongue is black, I have purple prickles all over my back!³⁴
• Edward the Bonobo - I can merengue and do the cha-cha.³⁵
• Edward the Bonobo - He's not appreciated³⁶.
• Edward the Bonobo - Nemo me impune lacessit³⁷
• Edward the Bonobo - In a week - maybe two - they'll make me a star³⁸.
• Edward the Bonobo - Mississippi... Hot Damn!³⁹
• Edward the Bonobo - Space travel's in my blood.⁴⁰
• Edward the Bonobo - Feeling alright, despite a poison headache⁴¹
• Edward the Bonobo - I'm so wired up I don't need no coffee in my cup⁴²
• Edward the Bonobo - The people they all shout for me and call my name⁴³.
• Edward the Bonobo - Hasta la victoria, baby⁴⁴.
• Edward the Bonobo - I learnt to dance from a series of still pictures⁴⁵.
• Edward the Bonobo - If you think that a dance is all in the hips...then do the twist⁴⁶
• Edward the Bonobo - In a dusty black coat and with a red right hand⁴⁷
• Edward the Bonobo - 1 in 5000.⁴⁸
• Edward the Bonobo - I've been touched by His Noodly Appendage⁴⁹.
• Edward the Bonobo - Gnomon for President. ⁵⁰.
• Edward the Bonobo - Avast behind!⁵¹.
• Edward the Bonobo - I know a lot of fancy dancers⁵².
• Edward the Bonobo - Vote for Gnomon!.⁵³.
• Edward the Bonobo - with the taste of goulash in my mouth⁵⁴.
• Edward the Bonobo - I used to ride a chrome horse with my diplomat who balanced on his shoulder a Siamese cat.⁵⁵.
• Edward the Bonobo - The vandals stole my handles.⁵⁶.
• Edward the Bonobo - Just like a mattress balanced on a bottle of wine.⁵⁷
• A Bob nodder...et how! - I see somebody naked and I say 'Who is that Man?'⁵⁸
• A Bob nodder...et how! - One hand is tied to a tightrope walker, the other is in my pants⁵⁹.
• A Bob nodder...et how! - My hands are in my back pockets, Bette Davis style⁶⁰.
• A Bob nodder...et how! - It ain't me, babe⁶¹.
• A Bob nodder...et how! - All tangled up in h2g2.⁶²
• A Bob nodder...et how! - It's all over now, Baby Lube(Thank [FATHER JACK WORD CENSORED]! These gnaaram's are confusing)⁶³.
• Edward the Bonobo - Rage, rage against the dying of the light⁶⁴.
• Edward the Bonobo - Mars is braw in crammasy⁶⁵.
• Edward the Bonobo - A damsel with a dulcimer⁶⁶
• Edward the Bonobo - I am much further out than I seem⁶⁷.
• Edward the Bonobo - Fa-la-la-la-yadda-yadda⁶⁸.
• Edward the Bonobo - Merry Chrismukkah!⁶⁹.
• Edward the Bonobo - I'd be lost without an inside pocket⁷⁰.
• Edward the Bonobo - An average platypus should be 'less deranged' ⁷¹.
• Edward the Bonobo - I'll hit you with a flower⁷².
• Edward the Bonobo - Make Poverty History...by eating chocolate?⁷³
• Edward the Bonobo - I am Tony [EXPLETIVE CENSORED, EVEN THOUGH ASTERISKED] Curtis.⁷⁴
• Researcher 803114⁷⁵
• Edward the Bonobo - Freedom for Scunthorpe!⁷⁶
• Edward the Bonobo - George Gilles de la Tourette was a ******* [Four asterisks deleted]⁷⁷
• Edward the Bonobo - Danish king wearing designer label meddles with gravity. (7,4)⁷⁸
• Edward the Cyberterrorist - [FIRST LINE OF LITTLE RICHARD'S TUTTI FRUTTI CENSORED TO COMPLY WITH INAPPROPRIATE BBC POLICY]⁷⁹
• Edward the [FIRST LINE OF LITTLE RICHARD'S TUTTI FRUTTI CENSORED TO COMPLY WITH INAPPROPRIATE BBC POLICY]- A ridiculous person who has just learned to swear. Apparently.⁸⁰
• Edward the B - Any site where a human, not even a dumb computer, stops you from quoting Linton Kwesi Johnson has lost the plot⁸¹
• Edward the Bonobo - I dreamt about stew last night⁸².
• Edward the Bonobo - GTF, YB (and FTQ)⁸³.
• Edward the Bonobo - She ain't no human being⁸⁴.
• Edward the Bonobo - Tittybangbang: a dire TV show. Seems we can't quote Little Richard or LKJ but can say 'Tittybangbang'⁸⁵
• Edward the Bonobo - Tweet tweet, my lovely⁸⁶.
• Edward the Bonobo - Gie's a gam, hen⁸⁷.
• Edward the Bonobo - Kick against the pricks⁸⁸.
• Edward the Bonobo - They're all out - and I'm shampooing me rabbits.⁸⁹
• Edward the Bonobo - When in trouble, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout⁹⁰.
• Edward the Bonobo - Freedom for Gondwanaland!⁹¹
• Edward the Bonobo - Attack the hominids!⁹²
• Edward the Bonobo - Hooray! Hooray! It's Dapper Drake Day!⁹³
• Edward the Bonobo - If I'd known it was harmless I'd have killed it myself⁹⁴.
• Edward the Bonobo has come unstuck in time⁹⁵.
• Edward the Bonobo - Yes sir, I can boogie - though I need a certain snog⁹⁶.
• Edward the Bonobo - Knock Knock. Who's there? BANG!!! It's the police!⁹⁷
• Edward the Bonobo - Remember Hector Pieterson!⁹⁸
• Edward the Bonobo - In the time of chimps I was a monkey⁹⁹.
• Edward the Bonobo - Log googol!¹⁰⁰
• Edward the Bonobo - Sweat dripping from every pore¹⁰¹
• Edward the Bonobo - Jimmy Saville, RIP¹⁰²
• Researcher U803114¹⁰³
• Edward the Bonobo - Like a big baboon¹⁰⁴
• Edward the Bonobo - who went mad, but for a very good reason¹⁰⁵
• Edward the Bonobo - if you want another kind of love I'll wear a basque for you.¹⁰⁶
• Edward the Bonobo - Eat a lot, sleep a lot, brush 'em like crazy.¹⁰⁷
• Edward the Bonobo - I once had a life, or rather life had me.¹⁰⁸
• Edward the Dead Bonobo.¹⁰⁹
• Oh! Two Bared on a bed! A bed boner! How, Dot?¹¹⁰
• Edward the Bonobo - On the other side of the barricades.¹¹¹
• Edward the Bonobo - Rock star parking comes to those who wait.¹¹²
• Edward the Bonobo - Nothing simian is alien to me.¹¹³
• Edward the Bonobo - Get thee behind me, Santa.¹¹⁴
• Edward the Bonobo - Happy Winterval to aggressive secularists everywhere.¹¹⁵
• Edward the Bonobo - O Tannenbaun O tannenbaum, we'll keep the red flag flying here.¹¹⁶
• Edward the Bonobo - I'm bigger than Rod¹¹⁷
• Edward the Bonobo - Monkey's gone to heaven.¹¹⁸
• Edward the Bonobo - I've got a bone in my machine.¹¹⁹
• Edward the Bonobo - Up in the morning's no for me.¹²⁰
• Edward the Bonobo - And Hey! for houghmagandie.¹²¹
• Edward the Bonobo - Don't feed the dolphins!¹²²
• Edward the Bonobo - You only stop when the big monkey lets you stop.¹²³
• Edward the Bonobo - Rang dang diggety rang-a-dang.¹²⁴
• Edward the Bonobo - I will not take my dress off, Americano.¹²⁵
• Edward the Bonobo - Aching to pupate.¹²⁶
• Edward the Bonobo - So cheap and...Joocey!¹²⁷
• Edward the Bonobo - eography will absolve me.¹²⁸
• Edward the Bonobo - Beware of the lame: they'll inherit your legs.¹²⁹
• Edward the Bonobo - Rhubarb is not the only fruit.¹³⁰
• Edward the Bonobo - I'm worth a million in prizes.¹³¹
• Edward the Bonobo - My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.¹³²
• Edward the Bonobo - I'm in love with your blue car.¹³³
• Edward the Bonobo - My folks went to South East Asia and all I got was a Laotian T-shirt.¹³⁴
• Edward the Bonobo - It don't mean a thang if it don't go kerrang¹³⁵.
• Edward the Bonobo - Blasphemy is a victimless crime.¹³⁶.
• Edward the Bonobo - Giraffes On Horseback Salad.¹³⁷
• Edward the Bonobo - Drinking largely sobers us again¹³⁸.
• Edward the Bonobo - The black bat night has flown¹³⁹.
• Edward the Bonobo - A-wawa a-zabba-zabba whoa-oh-oh!¹⁴⁰
• Edward the Bonobo - An unknown error has occurred.¹⁴¹
• Edward the Bonobo - Time flies like an arrow. Drosophilae like a banana.¹⁴²
• Edward the Bonobo - [Stuck in a flume for a week]¹⁴³
• Edward the Bonobo - Farewell to the pleasure dome.¹⁴⁴
• Edward the Bonobo - This kiss is for the whole world. ¹⁴⁵
• Edward the Bonobo - Praise Jeebers!¹⁴⁶
• Edward the Bonobo - Viel Schlaf...und Q zehn plus¹⁴⁷.
• Edward the Bonobo - My advice is to not let the boys in.¹⁴⁸.
• Edward the Bonobo - And you can quote me on that.¹⁴⁹.
• Edward the Bonobo - Anomie and bonhomie¹⁵⁰.
• Edward the Bonobo - Intertextuality in a perfumed cahou.¹⁵¹
• Edward the Bonobo - I've always hankered after an aardvark myself.¹⁵²
• Edward the Bonobo - He got monkey fingers¹⁵³.
• Edward the Bonobo - Don't touch that monkey!¹⁵⁴.
• Edward the Bonobo - I don't want to die in a nuclear war. I want to sail away to a distant shore.¹⁵⁵
• Edward the Bonobo - Hasta la victoria, baby! ¹⁵⁶
• Edward the Bonobo - I'm a fleabit peanut monkey. ¹⁵⁷
• Nights draw in - fret not/ Think laterally: Such joy!/ Shag like a monkey. ¹⁵⁸
• Researcher 803114 ¹⁵⁹
• The monkey's haiku/Was not welcome here, pumpkins./ How strange, prudish Mods!¹⁶⁰
• Something something something/Simian thoughts slip sideways/ To lewd practices.¹⁶¹
• Oo! Oo! Oo! Oo! Oo!/Oo! Oo! Oo! Oo! Oo! Oo! Oo!/ Oo! Oo! Oo! Oo! Oo!¹⁶²
• Oo! Oo! Edward the Bonobo - From the Land of the Midnight Blonde. Ooooh!¹⁶³
• Edward the Bonobo - Oink oink!¹⁶⁴
• Edward the Bonobo - The Gadarene Monkey¹⁶⁵
• Edward the Bonobo - Free the Mugwump One.¹⁶⁶
• Edward the Bonobo - Mummy - are you sure I'm a little polar bear?¹⁶⁷
• Edward the Bonobo - I feel pretty good and I guess that I could get crazy now, baby ¹⁶⁸
• Edward the Bonobo - When I was a little girl I had a ragdoll.¹⁶⁹
• Edward the Bonobo - When Bobby Fisher's Plane touches down...¹⁷⁰
• Edward the Bonobo - I'm dirty sweet and I'm your girl.¹⁷¹
• Edward the Bonobo - Cock up Your Beaver.¹⁷²
• Edward the Bonobo¹⁷³
• Edward the Bonobo - It's a good thing I didn't quote from Burns' 'The Merry Muses of Caledonia' ;-)(Google it).¹⁷⁴
• Edward the Bonobo - I'm as destitooted as a boy can be.¹⁷⁵
• Edward the Bonobo - If I Could Have Dominion Over Pancake Day.¹⁷⁶
• Edward the Bonobo - It don't mean a thang if it don't go twang.¹⁷⁷
• Edward the Bonobo - Just a smile would lighten everything. ¹⁷⁸
• Edward the Bonobo - I like both kinds of music - alt.country and alt.western. ¹⁷⁹
• Edward the Bonobo - As bald as the present king of France.
• Edward the Bonobo - I know it sounds absurd, but please tell me who I am. ¹⁸⁰
• Edward the Bonobo - Regime change for Jersey!. ¹⁸¹
• Edward the Bonobo - It is easier for a rich man to enter a camel than it is to pass a needle. ¹⁸²
• Edward the Bonobo - $6,000,000,000,000¹⁸³
• Edward the Bonobo - Some boys kiss me, some boys hug me - I think they're OK.¹⁸⁴
• Edward the Bonobo - What's the square root of a fishpaste sandwich?¹⁸⁵
• Edward the Bonobo - What units is the height of idiocy measured in? ¹⁸⁶
• Edward the Bonobo - Satellite's gone to the stars.¹⁸⁷
• Edward the Bonobo - Vicious, slimy erm :-)¹⁸⁸
• Edward the Bonobo - Nothing's too good for Marxists! ¹⁸⁹
• Edward the Bonobo - Launchball addict. ¹⁹⁰
• Edward the Bonobo - I tried it just for once and it was allright for kicks¹⁹¹
• Edward the Bonobo - I don't pop my cork for any man I see.¹⁹²
• Edward the Bonobo - A plonker at very least.¹⁹³
• Edward the Bonobo - Naked if I want to... ¹⁹⁴
• Edward the Bonobo -

Naturally, Edward is not my real name...

Soooo......Unknown Visitor, feel free to join in conversations, leave messages, etc. You can contact me at my hooto-specific e-mail address (although I might not check it for a while): edwardthe[common name for the species of pygmy chimpanzee, pan paniscus] squigglything gmail short-for-Dorothy com. However, in line with h2g2 policy, this will not be used for illegal purposes, and especially not for sending copyrighted music files! (And if you're too dumb to figure out my address, then I don't want to hear from you anyway)

---

¹ Advertising slogan for Double Decker bars
² The first lines spoken by Ena Sharples in Coronation Street
³ Gordon John Sinclair to Claire Grogan in 'Gregory's Girl'.
⁴ From 'The Len Ganley Stance' by Half Man Half Biscuit
⁵ From 'What's Inside A Girl?' by The Cramps
⁶ From "There Ain't Half Been Some Clever [CENSORED: Illegitimate People] by Ian Dury and the Blockheads
⁷ From 'Up Town Top Rankin' by Althea and Donna. 'Peace an' love I bring/ Inna Khaki suit an' ting.'
⁸ The Dude to the German nihilists, just before they threw the marmot into his bath. (In 'The Big Lebowski')
⁹ from 'Lola' by The Kinks ('Where they serve champagne and it tastes just like cherry cola')
¹⁰ Diana Moon Glampers in 'God Bless You, Mr Rosewater' by Kurt Vonnegut
¹¹ From 'Father Ted'. The caravan episode. Father Ted is showing Father Dougal a small plastic toy cow. 'Ah, now. You've lost me, Ted.'
¹² I'm disappointed that nobody got this one. It was a tribute on the death of Jacques Derrida. It's from 'I'm In Love With Jacques Derrida' by Scritti Politi.
¹³ No need to guess this one. It's obviously a tribute to John Peel. FSK are a noisy German band / Anarchist squatting collective. Their name means 'voluntary self-control'.
¹⁴ Opening lines to 'Rumble Fish' by Francis Ford Coppola.
¹⁵ From 'Terraplane Blues' by Robert Johnson.
¹⁶ Cunégonde the old lady who had only one buttock in 'Candide' by Voltaire.
¹⁷ Alexei Sayles' 'Spanish for Lunatics' theory': 'Anyone can learn to speak a foreign language in only two minutes, providing they don't mind sounding like a lunatic. For example, I can say "Empanades....(etc)" which means "Pies! Pies! The sky is full of pies!" and "Donde es el gatto eletrico" which means "Where is the electric cat." '
¹⁸ An extract from the cup winning Barnstoneworth United side as memorised by Eric Olthwaite, The Most Boring Man in Britain in Michael Palin/ Terry Jones' 'Ripping Yarns' Note to sceptics: This is not the same as the 'McIntyre, Tradmore and Davitt' side of Half Man Half Biscuit fame which is featured in the 'Golden Gordon' episode.
¹⁹ From 'Punky's Dillemma' by Simon and Garfunkel: 'I wish I was an English Muffin/ About to make the most out a toaster./ I'd ease my self down/ Coming up brown./ I prefer boysenberry more than any ordinary jam./ I'm a Citizens for Boysenberry Jam Fan.'
²⁰ An allusion to The Wasteland by TS Eliot: 'You gave me hyacinths first a year ago;/ 'They called me the hyacinth girl.' (lines 35, 36). Smartarse!
²¹ Short-lived, this one. Suspended due to the necessity of political action. Mitch Ryder song. Good live version by Brooooce and the E. Street Band.
²² A nom de guerre taken in the service of the great h2g2 Tony Curtis insurrection - and an allusiion to 'Looking Through Gary Gilmore's Eyes' by The Adverts.
²³ See 'Evidently Chickentown' by John Cooper Clarke. Unfortunately I am unable to quote this fine poem here fo (ahem) copyright reasons, but here is a link.
²⁴ From 'Lithium' by Nirvana.
²⁵ The nucleotides that comprise deoxyribonucleic acid.
²⁶ Ah, now...I have to confess to some confusion here. From what I'd read about The Cremaster Cycle, a series of artsy-fartsy films, I'd been led to believe that the cremaster was the ejaculatory muscle. By googling it, I've discovered that it's the muscle that moves the testicles up and down for protection and thermoregulation. As you can imagine, I've had to (ahem!) wade through a lot of stuff on ejaculation without confirming whether it also involves the cremaster.
²⁷ The lyrics - the entire lyrics - from 'Lemon Firebrigade' by Haircut 100.
²⁸ A song by The Fall - from a musical about the death of Pope John Paul I.
²⁹ Uncle Stavely in the Alan Stillitoe comedy series, 'I Didn't Know You Cared'. In honour of my perforated eardrum
³⁰ From 'Tokyo Storm Warning' by Elvis Costello (possibly trading under the name 'Napoleon Dynamite'. I can't remember for sure - but there was a painting of him on the album cover.
³¹ Election '05 slogan. Paraphrased from Bill Clinton.
³² The Pink Panther: 'He really is a groovy cat/ And what a gentleman, a scholar, what an acrobat!'
³³ Said by Viv Stanshall
³⁴ The Gruffalo.
³⁵ Copacabana. Barry Manilow. 'Her name was Lola/ She was a showgirl...'
³⁶ From 'Hip Priest'. The Fall.
³⁷ Motto around the edge of a Scottish £1 coin (and also over the gates to Edinburgh Castle). Translation: 'Naebody badmooths me, pal!'
³⁸ Line from 'Do you Know the Way to San José (Bacarach/David)...Weeks turn into years/ And all the stars who never are/ Are parking cars and pumping gas.'
³⁹ Inspired by the conviction of Edgar Ray Killen - and a reference to Nina Simone's 'Mississippi, Goddam!'
⁴⁰ The Only Ones - 'Another Girl, Another Planet'
⁴¹ Bob.
⁴² 'Jocky Wilson says (I'm in Hebden When You Smile)' by Van 'The' Morrison. Also a hit for by Dexy's Midnight Runners, which brings us to...
⁴³ from 'Geno', Dexy's Midnight Runners.
⁴⁴ 'Hasta la victoria siempre' - Che Guevara. 'Hasta la vista, baby. Arnold Schwarzenegger.
⁴⁵ From 'Satellite' by Elvis Costello (aka Spike the Beloved Entertainer)
⁴⁶ The White Stripes.
⁴⁷ Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds...and a reference to my carpal tunnel operation.
⁴⁸ There are only 5000 bonobos left in the world.
⁴⁹ Jah Pastafari, the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Ramen! Confused? See www.venganza.org.
⁵⁰ And why not?h2g2 '05 election campaign.
⁵¹ In honour of International Talk Like A Pirate Day.
⁵² Cat Stevens, 'Hard-headed Woman'. This holds the distinction of being the shortest-lived name, having been recognised within minutes by this [FATHER JACK WORD CENSORED]in' gobshite.
⁵³ h2g2 Election '05
⁵⁴ Babyshambles, 'The Lust of the Libertines'.
⁵⁵ Bob
⁵⁶ Bob
⁵⁷ Bob
⁵⁸ Bob
⁵⁹ Bob
⁶⁰ Bob
⁶¹ Bob
⁶² Bob
⁶³ Bob. Obviously the last few were references to lines from and/or titles of Bob Dylan songs, inspired by the TV showing of the mighty 'No Direction Home' documentary. Then in the middle of the sequence, a vogue started for dressing up in Halloween anagrams, hence the Bob nodder. The songs, in order, were: Like a Rolling Stone; Subterranean Homesick Blues; The Ballad of the Thin Man; Desolation Row; It Ain't Me, Babe; All Tangled Up in Blue; It's All Over Now, Baby Blue.
⁶⁴ Dylan Thomas
⁶⁵ Hugh McDiarmid, 'The Bonnie, Broukit Bairn.' Also a reference to the opposition of Mars, due to which it was particularly braw and cramassy.
⁶⁶ Coleridge. Kublai Khan. Obviously.
⁶⁷ Stevie Smith. 'I was much further out than I seemed,/ And Drowning, not waving.'
⁶⁸ A Cheery Non-Demonominational Winter Festival to one and all!
⁶⁹ 'cause Christmas '05 coincided with Channukah
⁷⁰ 'A Mate of the Bloke (Who Sets Up the PA)' - Half Man Half Biscuit. Also a reference to my iPod.
⁷¹ Line from 'Lunar Park' by Bret Easton Ellis. Synopsis: After a promising start in which Ellis is stalked by Patrick Bateman from his 'American Psycho', it goes all Stephen King.
⁷² 'Vicious' - Lou Reed.
⁷³ A dig at middle-class ethical consumersism.
⁷⁴ My reaction to the installation of the h2g2 profanity filter, 1/4/06.
⁷⁵ A name chosen for me by the Mods.
⁷⁶ But this passes through the filter.
⁷⁷ So does this.
⁷⁸ Cryptic, no?
⁷⁹ I discovered that I could not update my personal space until I'd removed a syllable that I would never have realised in a million years would be judged offensive. I completely agree that it is unacceptable when used as a derogatory racial term, but that is an entirely different context. I strongly believe that this sort of stupidity trivialises the very real problem of racism. I find that offensive.
⁸⁰ A misattribution from an Italic, for which I only ever got a grudging, ambiguous semi-apology.
⁸¹ The poem being one of those here.
⁸² Written on the run-off groove on The Smiths single, 'Panic' apparently. And a play on a line from 'Reel Around the Fountain', obviously.
⁸³ The Mods started censoring acronyms. This one stand for 'Get tae Forfar, ya bas! (and Falkirk the Queen)
⁸⁴ Happy 160th Birthday, Citizen Windsor. We mean it, maaaam. (160th? Well she does have two a year.)
⁸⁵ Another rant against the profundity filter. And also against a dire BBC3 programme with a name more offensive than anything I've been modded for. I mean...BBC3 may be 'a training ground for new talent', but they really shouldn't let them loose on the public until they've passed their NVQ.
⁸⁶ Mrs Boswell, The Liver Birds.
⁸⁷ A test to see if the Mods understand Glesca. Apparently not. It means (roughly): 'Please perform oral ministrations upon me, darling.'
⁸⁸ Damn! (Or do I mean 'Darn'?) I'd been clildishly hoping that the Mods would remove this one, so I could ask them 'Did you really mean to censor Acts 26:14?'
⁸⁹ Lucian Bosswell (Michael Angelis), The Liver Birds
⁹⁰ The Ferocious Beast.
⁹¹ Ancient landmass comprising all the continents yadda yadda...
⁹² There's some sort of hootoo campaign against ad hominid attacks. It's all very well intentioned and lovely, but fraught with difficulties. Some of us are dissenting
⁹³ A total geek one this: The release of Ubuntu Linux 6.06 'Dapper Drake'. It's m'distro. (And the upgrade stopped everything working!)
⁹⁴ A Scanner darkly by Philip K Dick.
⁹⁵ From 'Slaughterhouse 5'
⁹⁶ Lyric by Baccara, slightly mutated to reflect my contention that heterosexual men only dance because women seem to like it.
⁹⁷ A comment on overzealous policing methods, failures of intelligence and the idiocies justified under the cloak of National Security. What on earth is a chemical vest?
⁹⁸ 30th aniversary of the start of the Soweto Uprising. Hector Pieterson was the first student to be shot.
⁹⁹ 'Loser', Beck. (Actually, I misquoted. It's chimpanzees.
¹⁰⁰ Log to the base 10, obviously. (Still confused? Google "googol")
¹⁰¹ It was pointed out to me that I'd be unlikely to find the canonical source for this quote. The one I was thinking of was 'Seven Nation Army' by The White Stripes. A reference to the hot weather of July '06
¹⁰² A reference to the demise of 'Top Of The Pops'. This was clearly deemed tasteless and so was replaced in a matter of minutes by...
¹⁰³ Deserves me right
¹⁰⁴ Fron 'Abba Zaba' by Captain Beefheart and His Magic Band
¹⁰⁵ Sufjan Stevens song, Illinois album. I can't get into him at all.
¹⁰⁶ Paraphrse of Leonard Cohen, 'I'm Your Man'.
¹⁰⁷ From 'Vegetables', The Beach Boys, Smiley Smile NOTE: Not the inferior Brian Wilson re-recording of same. The various bootleg versions are much better.
¹⁰⁸ Funkadelic - Maggot Brain.
¹⁰⁹ Halloween '06.
¹¹⁰ ditto. Everyone was wearing gnaarams again.
¹¹¹ With all the talk about being 'swamped' by other cultures, it's important to decide whether one wants to be part of a culture in which that kind of idiocy is so readily accepted.
¹¹² An observation from time spent in supermarket car parks.
¹¹³ After Terence: "I am a man, therefore nothing human is alien to me." Only I got it from Dostoevsky: "I am Satan, therefore...". In one of those amazing coincidences, the day after I'd used this name, I turned on Radio 4 and caught a snatch of a dramatisation of 'Karamazov' - just at the dialogue with the devil. But, hey, wouldn't life be sooo freaky if there were never any coincidences?
¹¹⁴ Crissmus '06
¹¹⁵ Crissmus '06. 'Ebor' Setamu reckoned that we 'aggressive secularists' and 'intolerant atheists' (Yup! Count me in!) are trying to 'ban' Christmas. The issue's bound to crop up again next year. Here's the definitive article rubishing it.
¹¹⁶ Crissmus '06. To the tune of 'O Christmas Tree'
¹¹⁷ Ron Nasty of The Rutles.
¹¹⁸ The Pixies.
¹¹⁹ The Pixies.
¹²⁰ Burns
¹²¹ Burns
¹²² ...or next time out they'll poke holes in your boat. Nasty buggers, dolphins.
¹²³ "Taking drugs is like having sex with a 350lb gorrila..."
¹²⁴ 'White Lines', Grandmaster Flash
¹²⁵ Regina Spektor, 'The Sailor Song': "She will kiss your lips until they bleed, but she will not take her dress off, Americano."
¹²⁶ Regina Spektor
¹²⁷ Regina Spektor, 'That Time' Do you remember that month when I ate nothing but boxes of tangerines.
¹²⁸ Paraphrased from Fidel Castro.
¹²⁹ Regina, again
¹³⁰ Reference to the EU Jam Regulations, and the blinkered allegation that it is idiotic to define carrots as fruit.
¹³¹ Iggy Pop. Lust for Life.
¹³² I can teach you, but I'll have to charge. Kelis.
¹³³ The Psychedelic Furs, 'We Love You'
¹³⁴ I'm planning to get this printed on a T-shirt one day. In Laotian.
¹³⁵ Laddle-daddle skreeeeee!!!!.
¹³⁶ Obviously
¹³⁷ Title of a script by Salvador Dali for a Marx Bros film. That's a movie I'd have liked to see.
¹³⁸ Alexander Pope. 'A little learning is a dangerous thing;/ Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring:/ There shallow draughts intoxicate the brain, And drinking largely sobers us again.' from 'Essay On Criticism'.
¹³⁹ Tennyson. 'Come Into The Garden, Maude'.
¹⁴⁰ Bob Marley, from a live version of 'Exodus' I was listening to at the time.
¹⁴¹ Frequent error message on h2g2.
¹⁴² Drosophila = Fruit fly Geddit?.
¹⁴³ Holiday '07 at 'Butlins for the Middle Class'.
¹⁴⁴ Holiday over. It was wet.
¹⁴⁵ Diesen Kuß der ganzen Welt! Schiller, 'Ode to Joy'.
¹⁴⁶ Homer.
¹⁴⁷ Nivea advert. It's what keeps my skin so soft.
¹⁴⁸ Bob.
¹⁴⁹ On the achievement of a Front Page 'Quote of the Day' (It all sounds nice and fluffy and liberal, but how far do we want to take it...are we to consider fairies?)
¹⁵⁰ Scritti Politi. People should read Durkheim, by the way.
¹⁵¹ Aparently Proust formed impressions of certain cities. He associated Parma with violets. They don't sell Parma Violets in Ireland...it's a long story.
¹⁵² An example of Chomskyan Bingo
¹⁵³ The Beatles - Come Together.
¹⁵⁴ AIDS awareness message from The Flight of the Conchords.
¹⁵⁵ The Kinks - Apeman
¹⁵⁶ Che Guevara vs Arnold Schwarzenegger. (40th anniversary of Che's excecution)
¹⁵⁷ The Rolling Stones - Monkey Man.
¹⁵⁸ Halloween haiku.
¹⁵⁹ ;-)
¹⁶⁰ :-)
¹⁶¹ :-)
¹⁶² :-)
¹⁶³ Post-Halloween, in 'Yorterborrr'.
¹⁶⁴ Thanks to The Artist Formally Known As Della for the witty name of 'Egbert the Piglet'.
¹⁶⁵ Ditto.
¹⁶⁶ Minor stooshie over the deletion of an Entry by the honourable Blatherskite the Mugwump.
¹⁶⁷ Old joke. Punchline: 'Cause I'm f***in' freezing!'
¹⁶⁸ MC5 - 'Kick Out The Jams'.
¹⁶⁹ 'River Deep Mountain High'. On then death of Ike Turner.
¹⁷⁰ Oops - a misquote. 'When Bobby Fischer's plane - plane plane - touches the ground - plane plane he'll take those Russian boys and play them out of town.' Prefab Sprout - 'Cue Fanfare'. And also in recognition of Bobby Fisher's death.
¹⁷¹ Get It On - T Rex
¹⁷² It's a Burns poem. Honest!
¹⁷³ Five minutes. A new Mod record.
¹⁷⁴ Shocking.
¹⁷⁵ Paul Simon - Duncan.
¹⁷⁶ Half Man Half Biscuit. From Robert Johnson's 'If I Could Have Dominion Over Judgement Day'. Intertextuality? Multiple allusive layers? We got 'em.
¹⁷⁷ See previous.
¹⁷⁸ The Beatles - 'Sexy Sadie' (in recognition of the Death of Mahesh Moneybags Yogi).
¹⁷⁹ Blues Bros reference, obviously.
¹⁸⁰ Supertramp - The Logical Song. Sorry!
¹⁸¹ Because they're a corrupt bunch of ****ers who don't even notice when children entrusted into their care are murdered.
¹⁸² Jeremy Hardy.
¹⁸³ Cost estimate for the Iraq war. The annual US aid budget for Africa would keep it going for ten days.
¹⁸⁴ Material Girl - Madonna. A comment on my Materialist philosophical stance.
¹⁸⁵ See above. Picnics, like Truth, Beauty, Love, Consciousnes and Sub-prime mortgages although abstract are clearly material phenomena. They are governed by the laws of physics - even if the formulae to describe them might not be particularly useful.
¹⁸⁶ ditto. ish.
¹⁸⁷ Lou Reed, Satellite of Love. On the death of Arthur C Clarke.
¹⁸⁸ Nickname confered by my Official Conferer of Nicknames.
¹⁸⁹ Apparently I'm a 'Marxist elitist'.
¹⁹⁰ Cool game from the Science Museum. Google it!
¹⁹¹ Buzzcocks. Orgasm Addict.
¹⁹² Shirley Bassey - Big Spender
¹⁹³ Another from my official confer of nicknames.
¹⁹⁴ Moby Grape song covered by (the delicious) Cat Power.