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| | The poop deck of Cap'n Beatrice Keelhaul's trusty vessel: the "Lucky Star" | |
Who is Beatrice?
"Shakespeare's Beatrice was born under a dancing star, and she's the brightest of her bunch because she has the impulse to be merry, even though, being so brilliant, she will see the world as it is and it will make her sad. Meanwhile she will correctly judge any man proud of his own gloom to be a crashing bore." It is also the name of a royal princess, Granpa Simpson's love interest, and Stephen Fry's rather mad sister in Kingdom. I use it (with the surname Cofollin) to communicate with the blessed Terry Wogan, and it's also my name on dog forums, the Douglas Adams Continuum etc. A long time ago I was known as Lucky Star, and some people still call me that.
Solo Guide entries I think my solo entries give an insight into me and my life. There's the ones about places I know and love: County Londonderry, Northern Ireland
I'm really proud of that one - not just cos it got a picture blob on the Front Page, but also cos it is my home town. While Lisburn is where I currently live, along with The Weimaraner Dog my gorgeous dog, Max (that's him in the blob). Using the Motorway Network of Northern Ireland to get around the place, you can find Killyleagh, County Down, Northern Ireland, the delightful village where I used to live. Before that I spent many happy years running Europe from my base in Luxembourg shopping at Auchan Supermarket - the World's Greatest?and indulging in my passion for bridges like The Bridges of Luxembourg
There's ones about some great places I've visited, like Dahab, Egypt and Trier: a small town in Germany, and who could forget Duinrell, the Netherlands
Then there's the ones about my interest in motorbikes:
Passing your motorbike test in the UK,
How to ride pillion safely and one on the fabulously exciting road race that is the North West 200.
and other things I think are really cool, such as
Appearing on a TV Quiz Show,
The Crocs Phenomenon and Kilts: How to wear them and Wetwipes.
There's a set to do with Eurovision:
Nul Points which has another great blob - of the legendary Jahn Tiegen. Eurovision of course gave us Riverdance, and it just won't be the same without dear dear Terry - Wake up to Wogan and TOGs.
I wrote entries about my favourite books, telly and music:
'Final Straw' - the album by Snow Patrol
Size Matters - the novels of Nicholson Baker
The Osbournes - the MTV show
And ones that arose out of The Stretcher, like The Shellsuit, People you REALLY need to be nice to in the office, How to survive a Karaoke evening, Down's Syndrome, and Bobby Sands MP. The Strecther also got me writing more fiction, and in The Underguide I now have Truth at First Light, and I am a Camera. Collaborative Guide Entires and I helped write these ones - How to avoid people you don't like
The football career of Maradonna
County Antrim, Northern Ireland
The Key to getting a balanced diet
How to Practise Music
The Years of Billy Joel's 'We didn't start the fire' - 1953
The Years of Billy Joel's 'We didn't start the fire' - 1955
The needs of pregnant women
Relaxation techniques
Great Film Locations
Citybreaks
Mobile phone ringtones
Great Fairs and Theme Parks of Europe
Great Fairs and Theme Parks of Great Britain
Tips on buying a house
Stuff I am working on I still write the odd Guide Entry, but I'm really interested in audio-visual items, and I am working on a few pieces with the AViators group. Other stuff I have done You can sometimes find my amusing musings in The Post: if you want an insight into the world of dance, then read Murder on the Dancefloor. Witty, eh? Or you might like to try my travelogues from a pillion's position, Rear View. You can find out about life with a very bouncy puppy in Take it to the Max! And of course I'm a member of the Mostly Harmless Motorbike Club, so I'm sometimes found hanging around the MHMC clubhouse. I'm proud to be an Assistant Editor at The Post, which means I get to shout at myself if my columns are late, so saving time all round really. Or if you're lucky, you may even get to read some of my poetry. Although it has won prizes for its Vogonity, so be warned! If you're very good, I might let you appear in one of my charity nude calendars... Quotes of the Day/ Week One day I was actually bored enough to compile this list... 14 December 2009: QOTW:Knock knock. Who's there? Jedward. Jedward who? That's showbiz.' 6 August 2009 :
QOTD: Why on a clock face using Roman numerals is the number 4 written as IIII rather than IV?
5 August 2009 :
QOTD: I'm still trying to find an effective indicator of "stop talking now!" to end the long and one-sided calls from my mother
18 June 2009:
QOTD: We r on r way. Cld u get some cabbages and if so cd u bring 6?
15 June 2009 :
QOTD: What would the Earth look like inside out?
5 May 2009 :
QOTD: But then, he got a scholarship to Sandhurst, in case you didn't know, …
3 April 2009:
QOTD: We need to invent whatever it is that yer woman in the red shoes is wearing to enable her to sashay gracefully in high heels. … What else needs inventing?
25 September 2008:
QOTD: You need to be listening to some Bach, young man, to move your soul
1 April 08 :
QOTD: But what happened to the boys? Danny and whatshisface?
13 March 2008 :
QOTD: Has anyone done an anlysis of the incidence of Croc-owners graphed against Coldplay-album-owners?
1 February 2008:
QOTD: "Are you trying to be pedantic or is it just the natural exuberance of your verbosity?"
4 December 2007:
QOTD: Looks like I'm cooking goose for...oh, some big dinner type celebration in a few weeks time. … What's good with goose?
7 June 2007 :
QOTD: So who is it can walk 4 miles in an hour - a giant in 7 league boots out for a brisk stroll? Downhill, with a following wind?
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Journal Entries
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| Welcome to this Researcher's Journal. If you'd like to comment on anything they have written here, just click the relevant 'Discuss this Entry' button. Merry Christmas Mr Patterson
3 Weeks Ago
I had the great joy of shaking my old music teacher's hand last night and wishing him a merry Christmas, in the very church where I used to sing in the school choir for our festival of 9 lessons and carols...
Daughter's bf is at university about 80 miles away, but he's a romantic young man and often pays her a surprise mid-week visit. She was keen to reapy this, and asked me if I'd be prepared to drive to Coleraine (about 65 miles north) last night, where he was singing with the University of Ulster choir. She didn't tell him we were coming until we were right outside the church, which turned out to be the one where my old school held its Christmas events.
He was genuinely thrilled to see us, and we settled in our seats to enjoy the show. I've always loved Christmas music, and never more so than when it's performed by a talented choir such as this, who sang everything unaccompanied. The first half included such all time faves as Gaudete and Jesus Christ the Apple Tree - I was very moved by the realisation that I'd probably first heard the latter in this very church over 30 years ago, and here I was with my teenage daughter beside me, watching her become entranced by the beautiful music.
The highlight of the second half was a testing modern piece - When David Heard, by Whitaker. At times the choir was in 18 parts, producing this amazing poly-tonal rich sound that absolutely filled the church to its rafters. The audience gave them a well deserved standing ovation when it was over.
I'd spotted my old music teacher in the crowd, and managed to catch up with him afterwards, and we laughed about the old days when we used to troop down here from the school....
On the way home, clear roads and big-mooned sky, the local radio DJ played Driving Home for Christmas, which seemed very approrpriate. He then invited listeners to text in what they were doing. So we did, and got our messgae read out! 
santa in London
Nov 5, 2009
Planning to take J for a quick weekend in London pre Christmas. I've always wanted to see Harrods Sanat, but I gather all the spaces were booked up ages ago. So I'm trying to find out if there's a waiting list (or black market), and I came across this on a website:
"Harrods is an iconic store, owned by the eponymous Egyptian entrepreneuer Mohammed Al-Fayed..."
Hoenstly, do journalists not have to learn the meaning of English words any more!
This keyboard is confusing...
Oct 15, 2009
Probly cos it's B'Elana's, and she keeps her Ys in a funny place.
Greetings from Frankfurt tout le monde!
Life with the Beatricians
Sep 23, 2009
It's all been a bit hectic chez nous over the past week or so!
H is off to university, and it was really emotional saying goodbye at the airport. I know he was daunted by the thought of moving to London ("petrified" was the word he'd used on his Facebook status), and my second biggest fear is that he'll find it all too much and want to give up and come home.
The stress was telling on everybody, and his Dad's new wife had some choice words for me during an unhelpful phone call at 5 a.m. I'm still working on how to move forward after that 
But my best friend is making the best of her redundancy, going back to Uni as well to study Law, and is meeting up with H this weekend to show him a bit of the big city and take him out for a drink. They're meeting at the 4th plinth in Trafalgar Square, so I shall check the "one and other" webcam and give them a wave. H did have to ask what tube stop he needed 
Meanwhile J is progressing in leaps and bounds - literally! She's playing the Narrator in her school production of Blood Brothers, so that's taking up a lot of after school time. She's also now assisting her ballet teacher and taking the wee ones class, as well as working on her own Grade 6 exam. And waiting to hear what role she's got in a lcoal production of Guys and Dolls. Oh and there's the small matter of her GCSEs this year, but her whole attitude to school has improved enormously, and she's very good about keeping on top of homework in her astonishingly tidy bedrom 
She got very exciting news yesterday that she's through to the next stage of Just Dance, a new reality show fronted by Davina. 
Why I'm tearing my hair out
Aug 18, 2009
Now it really does take a lot to make me mad, I'm the calmest and most unflappable person I know. But the past 24 hours have just thrown me some tough ones.
The main issue is Mum and Dad's Golden Anniversary DVDs. I'd left the old camcorder tapes with this company - who quoted a dear-ish price but promised a professional job - about 6 months ago. I picked up the "finished " DVDs yesterday, and sat up till 2 am in tears watching them. They are awful. The editing is sloppy - bits repeated several times, blank screens, no sound, and no menu with chapters as promised. And amateurish - all those fancy transitions are what everyone uses the first time they play with video editing software, before realisng that a simple fade between scenes is much more subtle. I could have done much better myself - the only thing I didn't have was the means of capturing the footage onto my computer.
This has cost me over £300, and the do is this weekend.
On top of that - I'd sent daughter a bunch of flowers for her birthday last week, which she didn't acknowledge, so I assumed they hadn't arrived and got a replacement bunch sent to my house. They'd arrived OK, she just didn't bother to thank me. Which makes me think I'm a terrible mother, not to have even taught her the basics of good manners 
And Dai's in one of his moods this morning, stamping around and cleaning obsessively - I didn't even dare to have breakfast in case I made too much mess. So now I'm feeling like a doormat. And a hungry one too. 
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