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Funniest. Thing. Ever.
Nov 2, 2006

http://www.misterfixit.com/lastpage.html

(Thanks for the original heads-up, six7s! )

(23 replies, Latest reply: Nov 23, 2006)

SoJTP
Aug 27, 2005

That is, Sons of Justin The Preacher.

(I was trying to think of a good subject, and it leapt to mind that a play on words would be funny, and an ironic one would be even funnier.)

It seems we have a couple of new born-again Christians on board (pun not intended). I extend my welcome, and my curiosity.

Most of us will remember Justin the Preacher—who could forget him?—and some might remember that he drove me crazy like nothing else. Well, with GSD apparently aiming to fill the Justin-shaped hole in our lives (another dreadful, ironic pun), a question has resurfaced—a question which I have been asking myself for a long time.

What is the point?

There are several layers to this apparently vague question.

First, let's examine the theology. According to the few born-again Christians we have hosted, humanity is split sharply into two groups: the saved, and the unsaved.

Everyone is, to start with, unsaved. The unsaved are innately sinful, and all of their good works are loathsome to God, because nothing they do is untainted by their wickedness and sin. They are destined to go to Hell, a place of such ingenious construction that each and every one of its inhabitants will endure eternal, agonising, unremitting torment. There are no allowances for age, actions, circumstances or delusion; the denizens of Hell include babies and young children, saints, individuals from remote tribal groups who have no means of knowing of the Gospel, devout followers of other religions, murdered gay people (as Fred Phelps proclaims with glee) and the mentally ill, as well as individuals who fit the traditional description of "evil".

In stark contrast, the followers of Christ—those who are saved—are forgiven of all their sins and given God's grace, which they can never lose. Any misdeeds they commit, they can repent for, and after a brief time to amend or atone for them they head for Heaven, a paradisiacal residence of unending delight and happiness. Again, this is without respect for their circumstances, ages or other aspects of their earthly life; Heaven's citizens feature repenting murderers and rapists, the wealthy and decadent, and many who are blessed richly in their lifetimes (accompanied, of course, by many who are archetypes of goodness, modesty and virtue).

The difference between the fates of the saved and the unsaved is as marked as the distinction of white from black; however, the reader might have noticed that there is apparently no discernable pattern or order to who might be saved or not (although all infants are destined to Hell by virtue of innate sinfulness—Justin the Preacher shared this with us). One might justifiably ask, how does one become saved? Well, according to the born-again Christian, this is solely up to the will of God.

Precisely: no amount of good deeds or intentions, righteous toil, prayerfulness, knowledge or repentance will suffice to become saved. One is saved entirely through God's choice, which is not random, but appears to be so because it is completely opaque to all but a select few. Those who are not saved can never find a way to become saved, and nothing they do to this end will ever be sufficient. The saved human's position is given by grace, not earned by works or sincerity.

There are some logical consequences to such a position. If there is no way to become saved through honest toil and desire, then no amount of hearing about the Gospel or one's position will make a difference. And, therefore, there's no reason for anyone to minister, to anyone, ever.

If this is so, why do the chosen few take pains to inform the unsaved minority that they are heading for Hell, and that there's no way to change this? Why do they go out of their way to minister to the unsaved? How can they expect the unsaved to accept God's Law when, by their own admission, it is impossible for them to understand or benefit from it?

What is the point?

Now, a few explanations have been posited. SoRB (good SoRBiquet—and, darn, another bad pun) presents a theory to explain why many Christians are extremely angry people, which could be extended to answer this question. He presents cognitive dissonance as the key: the maintainance of two mutually exclusive beliefs, which protects itself from challenge through irrational outpourings. Alternatively, Good_News—himself a born-again Christian—responds tartly that maybe they are goaded into them because people loudly proclaim that they are delusional or mentally deficient. In the same conversation, guilt was speculated as the mechanism for their inexplicable behavior. However, none of these were actually formulated to answer my question specifically, and can only be extended to do so by a contrivance which eventually amounts to, in general form: "they're just totally irrational". That wouldn't be a decent explanation, it would be a cop-out.

There are other factors I've identified as more specific candidates. Perhaps it's an ego-boost to believe that you alone know the Truth (note capital) and are destined for paradise, while almost everyone else is heading for damnation and calculated torture. Perhaps it's just looking for an opportunity to gloat, or share their superior knowledge, in the assurance that it will change nothing. Maybe it's active-victim behavior; knowing that they will only receive scorn and jeering in response, they post inflammatory comments, reinforcing their assurance that they are right, all else are wrong, and they are persecuted for their righteousness. It might be how they maintain the ingroup-outgroup divide—by convincing themselves that everyone outside of their group hates them, they are forced to look to their own select group of born-again Christians for love, which is an incredibly depressing scenario. That last possibility has actually brought me close to tears for some people, because it's such an unspeakably cruel and self-perpetuating conspiracy, of the kind seldom encountered outside of the most chilling, dystopic fantasies.

It could be that they do it solely because God commands Christians to be the "light on the hill" by preaching the Gospel. They don't want to save anyone or help anyone; they simply want to fulfil a Biblical fantasy which, so far as they are concerned, is otherwise a quite pointless activity. Or, possibly, they don't understand the fallacy, or don't realise that there's any contradiction in trying to recruit individuals to their cause when, by their own admission, no amount of learning or assistance will save anyone.

Feel free to comment if you I have misunderstood something, or if anyone has their own theories about why people bother to expound the sinfulness of people who apparently can neither comprehend nor change it either way.

- Jordan

(12 replies, Latest reply: Aug 7, 2007)

Sabbatical...
Feb 28, 2005

I have a third year project presentation, which is contingent on my completing my third year project work.

I also have an essay for AI, and another essay for Current Uses.

This should take me at least a week.

Soooo...

If you see me here, anyone, even a peek, a glimmering glimpse -- tell me to get the HELL back to my work. 'Open Board.java and start reducing the overhead, boy' you should say. 'Start working on those presentation slides.' I shouldn't even betray the hint of a clue that I'm lurking.

So for now, I'm trusting you all to keep this place civil. (I must be insane ) This will require 80% of the site's population to be knocked dead or unconscious by the pacifist 20%. That's right, I'm trusting *you* to bump them off quietly. So go on. I'm told that certain patterns of smileys...

OK, more explicitly: az, keep it up. Della, stay away from sharp, clawing objects, like badgers. Blicky, stay away from feline objects, like Della. Hoo, you're wrong on principle, about everything, anything and sundry. Noggin, if he plays up, just bulk up your posts with the Tractatus in an attempt to drown him. Alternatively, just post a HUGE line of text and az will be forced to drown him herself. ( I nearly choked on my water when I saw that.) About a hundred characters should do.

Everyone got that? Good.

Wish me luck, and remember: play nice!

- Jordan, the diplomatic service

(8 replies, Latest reply: Feb 28, 2005)

I HATE THE WORLD!!!
Feb 18, 2005

I'm so stupid! So ****ing stupid! Why those stupid FREAKS!!! How can they justify their SICK, twisted little freakishly small minds by saying they're working for FREAKING JUSTICE?!

It's twenty minutes later and I can't stop crying. I've been SICK already and I , i thik think there's more. I just want to DIE! I why am I so stupid? THIS IS GOING TO HAUNT ME FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE and some stupid **** who supports censorship laws has it on his WEBSITE!!!

I can't explain it. It's beyond words. Everything I write, everything I THINK, is being GAH!!!! MUTILATED by Oh, my stupid fingers! My stupid head!

I just saw a video. Of a... Look, this is hard. I can't edit this. I keep crying and I keep clutching my head. This freakish, right-wing MORON has a website where he invites you to see what our enemies are doing. It points to a video clip which shows you how they beheaded OH ****!!! how they beheaded a man.

I am in more pain than I have ever experienced in my life. I simply can't take it! It's beyond eany experience I've ever had! My great grandmother died, and she didn't affect me this much. I simply can't... I just can't stop thinking! It's twenty-five minutes later now and I can't stop thinking about it! I don't think but it keeps hitting me, hitting me HITTING ME AND IT HURTS! Why are these people doing this? How can they be allowed to to this? I'm just sick beyond words, sick beyond reason, I have absolutely no reserves. My housemates are right next door and I can't go to them because I'm a freaking wreck! I feel like my head is going to explode. AA OIH:GS!!! I can't explain it! I can't even talk about... you know, my... it. I can't say the word because I JUST KEEP GOING BACK TO IT I WAS SHOCKED INTO PARALYSIS as I watched it!

My f**cking mind! I want to jump out of a window or something to get it out! And I want that man to, heck, I want him BANNED! I never want ANYONE to see that thing again. The people who do this are SICK, I just don't understand!!!!! What is this? Why are they doing it? What do they have to prove?

I CAN'T STOP CRYING! I just watched them sawing... I know, I can't say it because anyone could come along here and read what I have to say!!! But look. If anyone does read this, take it as a warning. Never EVER let your kids visit these violent right-wing websites. I just want to curl up and die in my bed but I can't! Again, again, I just don't and can't understand! I have never been like this in my life. NEVER.

OK. I've calmed down a little now. It's over forty minutes since I saw that UTTER ATTROCITY. I've recovered enough to star out all the swear-words but I keep getting pains in my head. Why am I even writing this? It's diabolical! This sick b******d has triggered what look to be some pretty bad hallucinations.

Look. If anyone wants to keep their kids safe, here's what I suggest: you get a good web-filter, find a good, up-to-date block-list of extreme right-wing websites and you set it to block them all. The most shocking, sick, unfathomable material I've ever seen is on those websites, and this latest **** has Oh, it's messed me up. I'm a complete and utter wreck.

I'm not going to sleep. I just can't. What am I going to do? When will I stop feeling sick? I can feel the bile rising in my gullet as I speak and I know I'm going to cry again and probably be sick. I don't see how life can ever be the same again. I've never had this. I've never had something in my life which made me feel so bad. I've never seen something like this which is so sick and wrong. When will I stop feeling like this?

This is wrong. This is messed up. I am never, NEVER going to subject myself to something like that again. It's DISGUSTING beyond words Why is life like this? Why are there things in the world which make you feel like this? I don't know. I just want it to stop, the ringing in my... head, the voices who're clamoring outside it, the sick sick feeling. Please stop. Please.


It's not over. I went to go downstairs because I feel sick, and I couldn't move! I haven't been afraid of the dark for more than seven years, and suddenly I just turned around and ran in terror! I couldn't even manage to go downstairs in my own flat! I KNOW there's no one there, but I turned around and ran. I'm utterly TERRIFIED to go down in the dark.

What has he done to me? Is he happy? Why does he do this? I know I'll be better, I hope I will, but I Even tiny little noises scare me! I heard a noise, a tiny, tinny noise and I've just about jumped out of my scull! I'm almost considering not typing because I'm absolutely terrified! I just can't operate like this, I'm not within normal parameters, what is happening? The noise keeps coming back, there it is again! It's like three little jarring beeps. I think it's probably related to me typing, but somehow it's scaring. I'm just, this has done something to me psychologically and I'm trying my best to analyse it. All I know is this, I won't be going downstairs any side of tonight and I'll be keeping the light on all night. I'm just going to curl up. I don't know if I'm all cried out yet either. I really am utterly, utterly sick.

This is not my world. This is not my world.

- Jordan

(8 replies, Latest reply: Feb 19, 2005)

The Deep, Dark Secret...
Jan 26, 2004

It isn't too suprising to know that Evanescence have produced more songs than are found on their album 'Fallen'.

It also isn't too suprising that hardly anyone has heard of some of these songs.

What is suprising is that something as good as 'Exodus' is one of them! A stunning showcase of her frankly astounding vocal skills, it is beautiful, mournful, unique and intelligent. There is something undefinably /different/ about it, and it truly stands out, even compared to their other exceptional works.

I also heard her on interview - I love that personality! She's so funny and lively, and she seemed to be wide open... In short, an amazing woman who doesn't deserve the slagging she got from the two-faced 'Christian' press of America.

- Jordan

(19 replies, Latest reply: Jan 30, 2004)