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He's growing up and I'm not noticing.
5 Days Ago

Things have got stressful in our household, and t'Boy is being such a nightmare that it is difficult to notice the *real* cause of all the problems. t'Boy is being horrible, naughty and nasty to his brother. He is screaming a lot, spitting, and generally being awful. Part of this is just his age and it will get better if I just wait it out. A lot of it is jealousy, he is acting up to get my attention and he feels he needs to grab my attention because there is someone else here who needs it too and he isn't used to sharing me.

t'Other has been quietly getting on with growing up, this week I have noticed that he can talk - or rather that he has several sounds he makes that he has attached meaning to. He says mama (yay! t'Boy said dada *months* before he said mama), hello, bye bye (and waves) and something that may be brother. This week I also noticed that he can do his shape sorters, and has tried to draw with a crayon. His cruising is coming on, and I think he might have taken the odd step.

This is all remarkable, more so that it seems to be happening without me noticing or helping much. Poor lad gets so little dedicated time to himself, great that he is doing it by himself but I feel crappy that I've only just noticed all this amazing stuff he can do. He now needs more of my time and individual attention and this is not going down well *at all* with big brother. He also needs some dedicated mummy-time without his little brother hanging around.

Husband is grumpy when he is at home because he is getting neglected too.

So basically everyone needs my time, exclusive of anyone else. I don't know how to keep them all happy *and* do my marathon training, *and* go back to work. There isn't enough me to go round, or enough time to do it all in.

Every other working mum of 2 or more must go through this and they all manage it so I am sure I'll find my way (not much choice in the matter, life goes on!) but I wish I could give the boys what they need in a way that will make them happier. I need to come up with some stragtegies.

(13 replies, Latest reply: 2 Days Ago)

Girls and Boys
3 Weeks Ago

t'Boy is going through a phase where he is obsessed with labelling things. We haven't yet reached the 'Why' phase (although I think we are almost there) but he is very much into naming everything. The question I hear a million times a day is "Mummy, what's that?".

He likes to label people too. "Mummy you're a girl, and I'm a boy, and daddy is a boy and <t'Other> is a boy and <female friend> is a girl" etc etc etc until he has been through everyone he knows. I have explained to him that all the mummies are girls (or women, but he struggles with the concept of women and men a bit) because only girls have babies, and that the daddies are men.

However, I don't know how he is deciding which of his friends are boys and which are girls. He is fairly accurate with children he doesn't know and even babies. Is it pink? It is pretty impossible to buy girl's clothes without pink on them somewhere so is that how he is doing it? He sometimes gets it wrong with female adults he doesn't know, sometimes calling a woman a man, he has done this with women who have at least bob-length hair so it isn't short hair that is doing it. He has never said a man is a woman.

He doesn't realise that gender is (fairly) fixed and thinks that people can change all the time - he told me I would become a boy on Saturday and he might be a girl when he grows up and I find this a little difficult to handle. I tell him I will always be a woman, and he will probably grow up to be a man. I feel the 'probably' is a weasel word but he is too little for gender politics. And yet I don't want to use absolutes that he might internalise and struggle with later.

I feel very privileged to be able to watch him grow and learn and work things out for himself.

(21 replies, Latest reply: 4 Days Ago)

Being a single mother...
4 Weeks Ago

It has finally happened. I suppose I should be glad it has taken this long, t'Boy is 2 years 8 months and it has been on the cards since I was pregnant with him and has looked very likely since t'Other came along.

J has finally got a job role which will take him away from home from monday morning to friday evening. It will last until christmas - but these projects are *always* just for a few weeks when you start them. I was meant to be a vodkafone for 6 weeks and was there for nearly two years...

I know that during a normal week J isn't really any help with the boys, he goes out shortly after they get up and comes home either just before or just after I put them in bed, but he does often cook dinner so that I can have half an hour to catch up here or go on my cross trainer. It will be odd not having anyone to talk to for days on end, to do my little debrief on what the kids have been up to. And never being able to go out because someone has to be here with the children is going to be a real drag. Not that I go out that often, but even those rare occasions when I escape with my mummy friends are not possible now

This is a good role for him, both in terms of the work and his career, and he is quite excited about working overseas as he hasn't done it before so I am trying hard to be pleased for him and be supportive without moaning. But I will miss him.

(16 replies, Latest reply: 3 Weeks Ago)

The way my brain works.
Aug 20, 2009

We have sky + and the way the planner is set up, you get a list of the programs you have recorded and under the list are a series of operations: Copy, Delete, and Keep. To perform an operation you need to press the appropriate button. This is denoted by a square of colour to match the coloured button you are supposed to press.

The operation I most perform is Delete, next to this is a yellow square. Annoyingly, *Every Single Time* I perform this operation the first button I press is the Stop button, which is above the coloured buttons and is marked with a square.

In my brain, shape beats colour every time.

(4 replies, Latest reply: Aug 25, 2009)

Yes Minister
Aug 18, 2009

I've been watching this series recently, have just got up to where Jim Hacker has become Prime Minister. I am amazed by how contemporary it sounds - many of the stories could appear quite comfortably in the Thick of It and would stand out as dated.

In the special, where he become PM Jim is seen driving drunk and it is all quite jolly - it wasn't until that point that it was noticable that society has actually changed a bit since the early eighties.

(6 replies, Latest reply: Aug 19, 2009)