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From h2g2
Watching the Cucumbers grow (a dream)
(Posted: 1 Hour Ago)
(Last reply: 30 Minutes Ago)


From h2g2
When you are old and feeble, making tea counts as cooking (a dream)
(Posted: 1 Hour Ago)
(Last reply: 32 Minutes Ago)


From h2g2
Chickens are very poor drivers (a dream)
(Posted: 4 Hours Ago)
(Last reply: 34 Minutes Ago)


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WELCOME TO MY PAGE

U200000


Thank you for visiting my space. smiley


I know I promised to give some apathy lessons,
but I doubt that anyone would bother to come.


jester jester jester jester jester jester jester

Top ten ways of knowing if an egg has gone bad:

10. You notice it selling drugs on the streetcorner.
9. It always seems to be leaning against Humpty Dumpty whenever he sits on walls.
8. It doesn't phone its mother. Heck, it doesn't even write.
7. It cheats the Easter Bunny every time the two play cards.
6. It refuses to come out of its shell when guests come to dinner.
5. It moons Faberge at every opportunity.
4. It refuses to go to any functions if the chicken will be there, because it wants to discourage speculation as to which came first.
3. It leads kitchen revolts on Egg Foo Yung Day.
2. It refuses to show up for the annual Easter Egg Roll.
1. It smells bad even if you cut off its nose

jester jester jester jester jester jester jester

ODE TO A POTATO CHIP

Potato chip, thou noble slab of starch,
With freckles brown bedotted 'round an arch,
Granitic fat doth sparkle on thy rim,
To thee I dedicate this little hymn.

Some Philistines with ketchup thee would drench,
Or use thee for a spade to dig a trench
In Onion dip or salsa. Tis a bane!
For I prefer thee in thy state most plain.

jester jester jester jester jester jester jester


Brass fanfare, followed by lush chords
from the string section, and an insistent
drumbeat. On the screen, stars are whizzing
past at Warp 11>

Welcome to tonight's episode of "In Search
of Lost minds." In our last episode, the valiant
crew of the Czarship Roamin' Off rescued
Princess Anesthesia from a red star. Ratsputum,
the Czar's counselor, had suggested a tourniquet,
which Czar Nickelass mistakenly interpreted as a
tournament. So now the whole population of the
spaceship was playing bridge.

CZAR Nickelass: Okay, I bid hearts....

jester jester jester jester jester jester jester

Scene: Notre Dame Cathedral. It is the 13th century,
or maybe the 15th century. Esmeralda has been quietly
hiding a humpback whale in the belltower for years,
but he is soon to be flushed from his hiding place.
His name is Quasimoby. Someday he will be known as the
Humpback of Notre Dam.

<Impressive music weaving together the themes "Dit dat dittum,
dattum, wattum, choo!" and "Hi ho, hi ho, A Whaling we will go.">

jester jester jester jester jester jester jester jester

We now resume our normally silly programming smiley

Come on in.

Make yourself comfortable.

Have a drink.
Ignore the strange creatures that scurry for
the shadows as soon as you notice them out
of the corner of your eye. They're probably just
harmless carnivorous saber-toothed squirrels
that haven't eaten in a month or so. Nothing
we can't handle if we have major weapons at our
disposal. Not that I have any. I hope you
brought yours. smiley

Down this hall to the left, we have a nice modern
bathroom complete with shower. The cleaning
staff has done a very good job of removing the last
traces of blood from the shower stall. Even
Mrs. Bates couldn't tell anybody had been murdered
there. Wait, did I say murdered? Ha, ha, slip of
the tongue. I meant to say christened. The two
words are so much alike, it's easy to get them mixed up.

whistle

The dining room boasts an enormous chandelier.
It's a replica of a chandelier that Marie Antoinette
was very fond of before her head got cu... Oh,
there I go again, ha, ha! I meant to say before she
cut her little finger while cutting cake to give
to the poor, starving masses. Anyway, the dining
room is right over a major fault line, so in the
event that there's an earthquake, you won't want to
be under the chandelier. The guy who installed it
was a pastry chef who had never done any building
before. He was cheap, though, which was a good thing.

So, enjoy your stay at my page. If you need
anything, just yell...

WELCOME TO THE POSTMODERNIST SMILEY ART GALLERY

I call this one "Meaningless Random Smiley Cluster"

tomato bluebutterfly bruised orangefish ill cuddle
spider bubbly biggrin moon stiffdrink erm elf
rocket chick flyhi wow schooloffish
strawberry clown smooch rose thief kiss
thief nahnah xmaspud bigeyes santa hotdog


This may not answer your questions about me, but....

Who is Paul H. and Why is he Harmly Mostless?

If you are visiting my space for the first time,
welcome! You will probably never get to meet me
in person. You might not even want to smiley . I am
5'4" tall, with a bushy moustache and thick (some
would say unruly)grey hair. We won't discuss my
weight winkeye . I have a penchant for collecting things:
birthdays (I've accumulated 53 of them so far), music
recordings (mostly classical and musical theater),
funny songs, dinnerware patterns, pumpkins, recipes,
and clutter. My house is expected to sink into the
swamp any minute now. biggrin

I work at the reference desk in a public library
south of Boston, Massachusetts. This means that I
have accumulated thousands of odd facts over the
years, which I insert into many of the discussion
threads that I participate in. It's lucky that the
only kind of tomatoes anyone can throw at me are the
virtual kind. smiley

Come back often, as I make changes to my site
fairly often.

HOW TO SPELL MY NAME WITH SMILEYS

pumpkin = P
angel = A
ufo = U
laugh = L

hotdog = H

smiley Honorary Patron Saint of Ragtime Vogon Poetry

smiley Link to H2G2 Musehome:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A420661

smiley Link to H2G2 statistics:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/info?




Discuss this Entry  People have been talking about this Guide Entry. Here are the most recent Conversations:

Flowing Data
(Last Posting: Oct 27, 2009)

Hi Paul, nice to see another librarian hootizen
(Last Posting: Sep 29, 2009)

The paul (Pumpkin) H Fanclub!!!
(Last Posting: Aug 28, 2009)

jabs
(Last Posting: Jul 20, 2009)

Hola Paul
(Last Posting: Apr 22, 2009)

meet the happy people
(Last Posting: Oct 23, 2009)

Paul H
(Last Posting: Sep 23, 2009)

You don't look so old from here
(Last Posting: Aug 11, 2009)

Bibliotechnique
(Last Posting: Jul 16, 2009)

There was a man named Paul
(Last Posting: Feb 22, 2009)


Journal Entries


Welcome to this Researcher's Journal. If you'd like to comment on anything they have written here, just click the relevant 'Discuss this Entry' button.

When you are old and feeble, making tea counts as cooking (a dream)
Yesterday

My subconscious mind has been slow to pick up on the fact that I'm not getting any younger. Often my dreams deal with past versions of myself and the other people who have been in my life.

However, last night was clearly about what to do about approaching old age. It was a compassionate dream. I travelled around quite bit visiting other elderly people and trying to see how we could all work together to help each other. Some were about to move (out of necessity, not choice), and I was trying to connect them with others who had extra space that they could move into.

Some were very old, and about all the cooking they could manage was making tea. sadface This brought back to me what my mother has said often: some elderly people live on tea and toast. It's easy to fix, and easy to digest.

Discuss this Entry   (16 replies, Latest reply: 32 Minutes Ago)


Chickens are very poor drivers (a dream)
2 Days Ago

Even when you put half a dozen live chickens in a car, they won't be able to pool their driving skills enough to safely operate the vehicle. At least they couldn't do it in my dream. Nevertheless, there were several teams of us who tried to teach our chickens to drive. It really was kind of scary to see the various chicken-driven cars wobbling back and forth down the road, with the cars eventually going off the road and either tipping over or hitting a tree or a wall.

Discuss this Entry   (75 replies, Latest reply: 34 Minutes Ago)


Beethoven's Soup (a Dream)
4 Days Ago

I dreamed that I had found an old soup recipe that Beethoven had invented. Being a perfectionist, he must have tweaked it until it was a culinary masterpiece. So, I got a huge souppot to make it in, as the recipe called for a lot of different ingredients and fairly large amounts of each: Different kinds of meat, both rice and potatoes, plenty of root vegetables and beans, as well as a long list of herbs and spices. It also got put through a blender just before serving (not that Beethoven had blenders, but it *was* supposed to pureed by some method or other).

After a great amount of work and time, I finished cooking it, and invited plenty of friends in to taste it. It was pretty good, we all agreed.

Then I went out to do some errands, ending up at a shopping mall. Supper time rolled around, and I thought I would eat at a restaurant at the the mall. Wouldn't you know, the restaurant I walked into was serving the same recipe! erm

Discuss this Entry   (41 replies, Latest reply: 9 Hours Ago)


Sinister leaves, the Supreme Court, and Meryl Streep (a dream)
Last Week

I dreamed that I was in a strange country where many of the people did not speak English. I was the fourth-ranked government official in some faroff outpost that was always getting buried in Autumn leaves. (Toward the end of the dream, we finally rose above our industrial backwardness by realizing that the surplus leaves could be burned to produce steam for our industrial revolution...)

Many of the people were not especially happy, though they realized we couldn't do much about their complaints. Still, I was more than happy to be the one that steered them toward using the leaves for industry. For this I was rewarded by appointment to the Supreme
Court. At this point, I realized that we were a distant part of the United States. When I arrived in washington to take my seat on the Court, I found that Meryl Streep was the Chief Justice. She sat at the right end of the bench, while I sat second from the left.
The one person who was to my left turned out to be a nutter who spoke gibberish in a high-pitched falsetto. No one threw him out, as Supreme Court justices serve for life. I found that budget constraints prevented the court from being able to provide comfortable chairs, so I was never able to sit high enough for more than my head to peep over the top of the bench. The room was filled with people, as this was the opening day of the court session, the proverbial first Monday in October.....

Discuss this Entry   (55 replies, Latest reply: Last Week)


Watching the Cucumbers grow (a dream)
2 Weeks Ago

Last night I had quite a well-organized dream. I was visiting a college campus that was situated around the flanks of a hill. (My own college experience was in a dorm on a place called "Orchard Hill," so maybe this was a return as an alumni).

Anyway, I approached by helicopter. There was a prominent greenhouse covering the top of the hill, but when we got lower and landed in the main part of the campus, the buildings above us hid the greenhouse. We visited various buildings, which were done in the brick-facade neo-Colonial style that characterizes a lot of college buildings in New England. Finally, we neared the top of the hill and could see the greenhouses. The propiretor told us that this was the day of the year when we could see something amazing. This was Cucumber Day, the day when removing the glass canopy stimulated the cucumber seeds to sprout and do an entire season's worth of growing in just twelve hours or so. I watched them grow, and ended up with tiny cucumbers to bring home again.

Discuss this Entry   (159 replies, Latest reply: 30 Minutes Ago)



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Friends


Here is the friends list of Paul H . If you think I look old, you should see my father:
Pandora...Born Again Tart
Personal Space | Journal Entries | Delete

ex-Rambling. Thingite. Dog. Pythonist. Deceased.
Personal Space | Journal Entries | Delete

AlsoRan80
Personal Space | Journal Entries | Delete

Amy Pawloski, aka 'paper lady' --'Mufflewhump??' click here for definition...
Personal Space | Journal Entries | Delete

Avenging Washcloth, An unhurried sense of time is, in itself, a form of wealth.
Personal Space | Journal Entries | Delete

Bagpuss
Personal Space | Journal Entries | Delete

Batty, ACE - Keeper of the Holy Tail, Pirate, Thingite, Priestess of Bleep, Born Again Tart
Personal Space | Journal Entries | Delete

Dragonfly. "A poet can survive everything but a misprint"-- Oscar Wilde
Personal Space | Journal Entries | Delete

Evangeline
Personal Space | Journal Entries | Delete

Hi, I'm Tom. I started as a typographical error
Personal Space | Journal Entries | Delete

It's Me Plastic Squirrel (the luckless fool who didn't write down his old BBC username)mourning Joe Strummer
Personal Space | Journal Entries | Delete

Jabberwock
Personal Space | Journal Entries | Delete

Kitush:Lady of the thingite, and carrier of the darkness and Official Dragon Inquisitor - Not quite with it!
Personal Space | Journal Entries | Delete

Lady Scott � Keeper of Long Afternoon Naps
Personal Space | Journal Entries | Delete

lanzababy - Pirate - Scout - adrift on life's ocean
Personal Space | Journal Entries | Delete

Lurcher
Personal Space | Journal Entries | Delete

Michele - Doily Mogul: Don't leave me! If you go there'll be no braincells in the room at all!
Personal Space | Journal Entries | Delete

Mistadrong, (Count vonCount.)the last Gog standing
Personal Space | Journal Entries | Delete

Mr. Christopher, enjoying the Magicians Guild game where he is called Polonius Franc, Elder Healer and local merchant
Personal Space | Journal Entries | Delete

Ottox
Personal Space | Journal Entries | Delete

Pierce The Pirate (visit my ship at A579684), thingite key bearer
Personal Space | Journal Entries | Delete

Rat, the researcher without a stupidly long bit after his name like everyone else has.
Personal Space | Journal Entries | Delete

Rev Nick { Only the dead are without fear }
Personal Space | Journal Entries | Delete

Shea the Sarcastic: Play Ball!
Personal Space | Journal Entries | Delete

tacsatduck- beware the <sheep> lie
Personal Space | Journal Entries | Delete

Terliwig Renfrew Hidalgo worship mina here A39119024 go on you know you want to
Personal Space | Journal Entries | Delete

Click here to delete more than one name

Researcher Data

Researcher
176638
Name: Paul H . If you think I look old, you should see my father

Last posted: 1 Hour Ago


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http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/info
 



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Most of the content on h2g2 is created by h2g2's Researchers, who are members of the public. The views expressed are theirs and unless specifically stated are not those of the BBC. The BBC is not responsible for the content of any external sites referenced. In the event that you consider anything on this page to be in breach of the site's House Rules, please click here. For any other comments, please start a Conversation above.


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