Hello! Hello! It's Eeyore! I'm back! It seems so long! Wow, Goo! This is wonderful! I'm so happy! Have a virtual thistle. Have three.

Eeyore apologises for this unaccustomed jollity. Normal solemnity will be resumed as soon as possible.

Unfortunately, Eeyore's pen didn't win the BBC Innovation Nation competition. But you can still visit Eeyore's pen website at www.mosquitopen.com.

Read Eeyore's Guide Entries

Eeyore is a Scouser who lives in London, who loves music, hates washing up and is fascinated by writing and the English language.

Eeyore's favourite sites include:

The Virtual Ferry 'Cross the Mersey

Read Eeyore's stories

Stories penned by Eeyore are:
Saving Time
The Floor Below
The Bin Man
On a Wing and a Prayer
And lots of good fiction by other h2g2 researchers at h2g2 Fiction Central.

Alternatively, if you prefer silly verse, read:

The Collected Poem of Eeyore

Some years ago, I wrote a poem which all my friends seemed to like.

At first I thought it was going to be the first of many, and would make me rich and famous. After all, Pam Ayres, Spike Milligan, John Hegley, Edward Lear, Don Marquis and Ogden Nash have all made good money writing silly verse. But somehow I could never get beyond the first poem. Perhaps the problem is that it's about a subject close to my heart, and I just don't care enough about anything else to work up the right level of inspiration.

Anyway, after many years grappling with the problem I found myself reasoning as follows: if Douglas Adams could get away with a trilogy of more than three books, I could produce an anthology containing just one poem, and H2G2 was the ideal place to publish it.

I don't know whether to call my offering The Complete Poetical Works of Eeyore, Eeyore's Golden Treasury, A Selection of Comic and Curious Verse by Eeyore, or simply Eeyore's Greatest Poem.

Anyway, here it is. I may at some stage write another poem, but don't hold your breath.