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| | | Subject: Limits and Routine
Posted Apr 26, 2001 by Mina - Older on the outside, inside still 14
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1
 | | I think the trouble with children is lazy parents. Kids need routine, and limits. If parents can't be bothered to set these, why should the kids behave? If you tell a child not to touch something and they do anyway, get up and take it away. If you tell a child not to leave the room, and they do, go and bring them back. It sounds simple, but the amount of times I have seen parents tell kids not to touch, watched while they touched, ruined and destroyed whatever it is, then they say "he never does what I say". Then the kid gets told off and smacked! If kids are told to go to bed, and then the parent ignores the kid for half an hour while they watch TV/chat/smoke/whatever, of course that kid will not get up and go. If this happens night after night the child is taught that bed time is flexible as long as they are prepared to put up with being shouted at when the parent realises they are still sitting there.
Of course, I am not a model parent, I lose my temper with my kid, shout and even swear at him sometimes, but that is usually due to one or other of us being tired, either physically, or in my case, mentally.
I do smack him sometimes, and I will carry on doing it because sometimes he needs a short shock to bring him back to reality. He even has tantrums (sometimes as many as me), but because I have taught him that I will not respond to tantrums - by not responding - he usually gives up after 5 minutes.
I am not sure how all this works with older kids, but also taking away the playstation, or not letting him watch TV works far better than smacking. It lasts longer, and is more likely to make him behave. The Time Out thing doesn't work too well on my son, but I think that has to do with his ADHD. He is uncomfortable unless he can see and hear me, especially when he is upset.
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| | | Subject: Limits and Routine
Posted May 5, 2001 by Mina - Older on the outside, inside still 14
This is a reply to this Posting
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7
 | | There is a difference between a punishment that will distress and upset your child, and one that will make a difference to his (or her) behaviour. If I shut my child away from me to punish him for something, all he would think about is how upset he is, and cry and shout a lot. If I tell him he can't have the TV, playstation, or PC until he does what he has been told then I can keep that up for hours. Even if, like yesterday, it takes him all afternoon and most of the evening to do it. And it has the added benefit (I think) of letting him make the decision to get on and do it.
As to whether it is a deterrant in the future, I hope that it will be, as he learns that he misses out on things he likes when he does bad things. But I do know that smacking is not a deterrant. It didn't stop me when I was a kid, or my 3 brothers.
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