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Be Cool >> | |
| | | Subject: Generosity and Space in co-habitated relationships
Posted Jul 25, 2003 by The Stinky Cheese Man
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1
 | | In my experience, the best way to live with a partner, is to always be more generous than you have to be. Whether it's with cleaning duties, bills, cooking, whatever. Do more than you think you need to. If both parties do this, then it makes for a very loving relationship and resentment and pettyness become foreign.
Space is the other thing. Just because you live together (in a relationship) doesn't mean you've become ONE person. You're still individuals and as such will need varying degrees of 'solo' time to experience what it's like being without your partner in a social environment. Otherwise you lose touch with what people like about you (and what they don't for that matter) and your identity as an individual. This invariably ends in a loss of self-esteem which becomes destructive for the relationship.
I should be a shrink.
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| | | Subject: Generosity and Space in co-habitated relationships
Posted Jul 28, 2003 by Pimms Lettuce
This is a reply to this Posting
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2
 | | I agree with Beepo on doing more than your share - but I'd say this rule is for relationships generally, rather than just co-habiting in particular.
My theory is that if you think you have good relationship worth sustaining you need to work at it. Everyone benefits if everyone attempts to sustain high standards.
If both (everyone) in a relationship isn't working to keep it going, then it will get into a vicious circle of everyone doing -less- than they need to, taking advantage of the others, and it will fall apart acrimoniously. In this circumstance don't become the person working harder than you think you ought to to sustain the relationship - this is a suckers job. Discuss, give ultimatum, and if necessary, abandon ship.
Pimms 
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