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Clarify expectations >> | |
| | | Subject: In my opinion
Posted Jul 24, 2003 by Anushodhak
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1
 | | Sharing with your family and sharing with strangers are very different. Parents, siblings, husband and kids are your family and we share our life with them and not just the place. You need to consider lots of intangible issues when you live with family which can be ignored while living with strangers or there can be other set of issues. Like love, caring, respect, feeling, understanding, Trust, Loyalty are some of the words which have different meaning in both the settings.
When you live with strangers:
Make things simple by talking and agreeing on some points like sharing the cost, bills etc.
1. Division of labour is a good idea and it works most of the time introduce rotation as well. You might not like cleaning loo all the time.
2 .Make one person cashier for one month and rotate it. This way everyone knows how much is spend and where, though you still will be sharing the costs.
3. Last year my DH on a business trip shard accommodation with a colleague. The cunning colleague used to buy grocery and my DH used to cook. Perfect setting! But at the end of the day my DH was given a hefty bill of grocery which was fairly divided into two. Then where is the problem? Well cunning colleague purchased some gifts for his dear wife and relatives and billed my DH for that as well.
Point I am trying to make is, please don't bill your co habitants for things you buy for entirely your use. These may be costly toiletry or expensive chocolates whatever!
4. Respect others space, do not touch their personal belongings without their permission.
5. Until you get to know your co habitants well, keep your valuables safe ( you never know someone might turnout to be a kleptomaniac!!!) (you may laugh but it happens specially in university hostels)
6. In extreme condition if you are sharing your room with stranger, be clear if you don't like music too loud or lights on at night.
7. it is a good idea to ignore some bad habit of flatmates you don't have control on ( you don't like nose digging may be he doesn't like it too)
8. If smoking puts you off, tell them not to smoke in your room or smoke in the balcony. ( whatever you think is workable)
9. if you share bathroom ( obviously you do) please don't take long if there are not enough bathrooms and W/C is attached to bathroom. 
When you live with husband/ wife/ partner:
Let LOVE prevail! UNDERSTANDING will follow! SACRIFICE the urge to argue over patty matters! Start CARING! Be HONEST, LOYALTY is not far behind! Always DISCUSS and if you keep resolving ISSUES by discussing them, there will be NO PROBLEM. One more thing, do not be over possessive about each other.
Well living with your partner is like living with someone you love the most and you hate the most (Global Paradox!). if you live for long with someone you can predict about what are they thinking and how will they behave in particular situation and this gives you time to prepare for the action!
If I compile a list of things I don't like about my husband, I can go on and on and if I start counting what I like about him, I can count on fingers. But what I dislike about him is insignificant has no value when I see his priceless qualities!
So the Golden Rule is always seeing the positive side of the person.
Always end an argument with a laugh!  That is what we do (In fact the moment we start an argument my DH (dear Husband) tells me not to laugh and I just can't help it)
Make your expectations very clear. (In all possibility you will have to recount your expectations often)
Agree to disagree on few things as rightly stated in other messages! (Toilet seats is a typical example) but do take pain to explain why is it necessary not to treat floor as laundry basket or a shoe rack.
Just be yourself
Be nice to the partner's relatives.
Kids bring you closer to your partner, that's true! My DH always comes for rescue when my son wakes up at night and wants to play! It has to do with the way he feels about responsibility!
I'm married for four years now and I do see quite an improvement in my husband. I have changed myself as well. Best part is change is positive! So day by day it is getting better and better to live with DH!
Living with parents, sibling, kids is different as well!  my son needs me 
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