Hi there!!(tickertape, tickertape.)

Soy Magicko Necromantico Inglesas.No, honestly, I am. I can just speak a bit of Spanish, a lot of French, and enough American to get by. I believe in life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, a quest involving a) copious copulation with my girlfriend, b) copious quantities of alcohol, and c) cricket. Complete with genocidal xenophobic robots...

This is my Room of Magicks...

...the mystical realm from which I use my arcane powers (and the University's free internet access) to re-animate the rotting corpses and bleached bones of lost and forgotten forum threads, throwing my own mighty and irrepressable will into this unwieldy organ. Of course, the editors could just remove me from the Guide, and my will could therefore be repressed, but I'd rather not think about it. If you would like evidence of my power, then this article on the politics of Great Britain is a decent example.

An entire paragraph of clap trap...

As you may have noticed, if you have ever been here before (if not, why not?), I have made a couple of changes. However, there are countless more homepages within the Guide that are infinitely more interesting than this one. Probably because I have less knowledge of computers and creating websites than a luddite gnat. HELP!!!!!! (In reference to the above, may I say a really big THANKYOU to Bruce for his help in sorting out my links)

A Desperate Cry for Help...

You see, there is actually very little that I have to say that is particularly interesting. I also don't know how to do all those really wonderful things with graphics. Basically, I am awful when it comes to computer programming. I would really appreciate any help in making my homepage look wonderful. Please? How to create cobwebs and skeletons or add them to my site would be cool.

Other Desperate Cries for Help...

"A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse"- King Richard the Third (reputedly)[included especially for my equine acquaintances, Lochangel and Pegasus].

"HELP!!!"- Richard Richard and Edward Elizabeth Hitler, from the top of the world's tallest and oldest ferris wheel.

"I have never had sexual relations with that woman"- Bill Clinton.

"Everything is one-hundred-percent under control"- President Robert Nixon on the war with Vietnam.

"Please help me. I've been kidnapped"- Neddie Seagoon.

"Frank Dobson is the official Labour candidate for the London Mayoral Elections. It was a fair vote, honest."- Tony Blair (this is an approximation only, not a direct quotation).

Only committed mental patients (or, if you prefer, fans of 'The Goon Show' and 'Bottom') will understand two of those quotes, but they were really all I could resurrect. My powers are weak today.

And now for something completely different...

For folks who want to have a virtual beer and a good time, visit the Forum and Firkin, our on-line licensed establishment. The landlord, Menza, is always happy to welcome new patrons, and serves fine beer with a smile and a witty remark.

And please read The POST, the h2g2 community newspaper, delivered to your door once a week by a large slobbering virtual labrador.

Oh...

...and I also play field hockey.