My Cat Sucks¹

I have written a roleplaying supplement⁵ for the PARANOIA role playing game - called 'The Underplex' - as well as contributing to half a dozen other books in the range⁶. Alas, in the last few months I have found a few copies migrating into the 'Sale' and 'Clearance' section of local game stores. On the upside, this appears to have happened to the whole range, so I don't feel so singled out!

h2g2 launched on April 28, 1999. I wrote my first article for the Guide in May 1999, having joined a little after Douglas Adams appeared on the BBC's Tomorrows World programme⁷ promoting the launch of the site (largely due to the fact that my Internet connection was ultra-slow and the site was deluged with visitors throughout the whole programme).

I have since written many many articles, subbed many more - and hope to one day have my very own '50 Edited Guide Entries' tag⁸. I have made a conscientious effort to get two articles subbed every month - as well as ideally writing one of my own. Where the Muse remains allusive, I thoroughly enjoy digging little underdeveloped gems out of the Flea Market and giving them a new lease of life.

What Am I?

Under circumstances stranger than this I would be inclined to say that I was one of those people who feels trapped in someone else's life. Not in all ways... but, certainly trapped in someone else's career path. I have a creative tendency that seems to be singularly dampened by my decision to pursue a career in financial support systems... whatever that is.

My h2g2 Code is...

Once upon a time I generated this...

----BEGIN H2G2 CODE BLOCK----
Version: 1.1
RGB Y++ N+ SB A P-:- L- M s+ V++ E++ PR p- a- B+ TV+ r++ D T-- nh- C- m t++
-----END H2G2 CODE BLOCK-----

What Do I Enjoy Doing?

I enjoy reading roleplaying rules and supplements; watching Stargate and Doctor Who; playing Magic: The Gathering; levelling up in an online game called Gothador; watching the squirrels in my back garden; spoiling the family cats; spending time with the rest of my family; and, making concerted efforts to improve the quality of my writing.

I've recently decided I might quite like hanging around with the h2g2 Who fans and those who enjoy Random Quotes...

Entries Trying for The Guide

• Nothing!

Currently in sub-editting or waiting for frontpage air time...

Nothing!

Looking to complete soon:

• A1108874 - 'The Olden Days' - the TV series¹⁰
• A21984096 - Waffles
• A22733886 - 1 Canada Square

Looking to have updated soon:

• A534674 - Fighting Fantasy Gamebooks¹¹

Entries in The Guide¹²

1. A22958292 - The High-Rise Fire Curtain
2. A23005649 - Toilet Paper Crash Mats
3. A21605762 - Motorway Overtaking for a Better Britain
4. A21605933 - Mixing Breakfast Cereal
5. A21388458 - Reading in the Toilet
6. A1113427 - Mammoth Cave, Central Kentucky, USA
7. A2082890 - Rubbish Bags
8. A425927 - A52 - M1 Junction 25 into Nottingham Centre
9. A436321 - Four Types of Bok
10. A446311 - Queensbridge Road car Park, Nottingham, UK
11. A446348 - Hair-Growing Cat Soap
12. A447833 - Cat Collars
13. A454646 - Identity Games
14. A454682 - 'Blind Date' (UK) - the TV Series
15. A464960 - Twisty Ties
16. A471142 - Plastic Storage Containers
17. A471278 - Phlogiston
18. A471287 - Trepanation¹³
19. A471368 - 'The Carpet People' by Terry Pratchett
20. A471377 - Smiths Salt 'n' Shake Crisps
21. A471548 - Surviving Being Eaten by a Whale¹⁴
22. A476813 - 'Automan' - the TV Series
23. A476822 - The Internally Explosive Nail
24. A480278 - Wheelie Bins¹⁵
25. A493553 - Blu-Tack
26. A505775 - 'Bagpuss' - the TV Series¹⁶
27. A513587 - 'Manimal' - the TV Series
28. A513631 - Games to Play while Serving on a Supermarket Checkout
29. A521993 - Novelty Sports Mini-Games
30. A531956 - 'Metal Mickey' - the TV Series
31. A533774 - Radiation Energy Detection Units
32. A534674 - Fighting Fantasy Gamebooks
33. A534782 - 'James Bond Jr' - the TV Series
34. A539570 - Space Crusade - the Strategy Game
35. A545203 - Coffee Republic, Waterstones, Nottingham, UK
36. A577037 - Themed Lego - 'Star Wars'
37. A584831 - Starlightlines Employee Forum
38. A668423 - 'Rispin's Rhymes' - the TV Series
39. A787809 - WonderWorld, Corby, UK
40. A795567 - Driving - Good and Bad Habits
41. A821675 - Bluffing Your Way in Pokemon

• A30777618 - Scrabble: The Word Game
• A28808490 - Plastic Bags and the Environment
• A27371559 - Torchwood - the TV Series
• A21776682 - Places to Sleep in Hearst, Ontario, Canada
• A22084364 - Lip Balm Addiction
• A1126225 - 'Bargearse' - the TV Series
• A1118341 - Baths and the Art of Bathing in the UK
• A866009 - The Sagahemmet - A Night's Free Accommodation in Uppsala, Sweden
• A3913544 - Tampons
• A668432 - 'Street Hawk' - the TV Series
• A665237 - Staple Removers

Entries updated:

• A307964 - PARANOIA: The Tabletop Role Playing Game

Entries contributed to:

• A530623 - Taxis
• A517097 - Judge Dredd - Lawman of the Future
• A397398 - Things to Keep Children Amused on Long Journeys
• A381115 - Freddy Krueger and the 'Nightmare on Elm Street' Films
• A630 - London Black Cabs

---

¹ ...it's tail. A lot. Actually gets quite disconcerting. Looks like the cat equivalent of sucking your thumb, leaving the end of it's tail a moist and withered wick of straggly hair.
² The name followed me here from the Starlightlines Employee Forum, an interactive celebration of the Starship Titanic concept (rather than specifically the book, the game³ or the high profit merchandise).
³ Which, I might add, I have not yet had the time to finish.
⁴ I would drop my current job in a moment for a career in writing, if only they paid as much as I get now... which they don't.
⁵ It took me more than a year to turn out something that fit in 32-pages, which on the face of it seems like a lot of effort for very little output. In truth, I spent much of the time pulling my hair out attempting to rein in my wayward English grammar.
⁶ As a result of which I can find myself not only on a Google search, but also on Amazon... which is nice.
⁷ Which I miss, by the way. Somehow The Gadget Show on Five doesn't quite cut the mustard; nor does the brief slot on technology they occasionally have on the BBC morning news.
⁸ I'd really like one of those Challenge h2g2 t-shirts, too⁹.
⁹ And, if I could finish my entry on 1 Canada Square I might just have one of my own!
¹⁰ My video copy of 'The Olden Days' has, quite bizarrely, gone missing just when I played to sit down and watch it to finish this article... I await arrival of a shiny new DVD copy.
¹¹ Should be able to update this one through simple Editorial Feedback, I hope.
¹² But, in no particular order.
¹³ I wrote this article shortly after watching a fascinating, if mildly disturbing, TV documentary on the act of trepanation. I can also recommend the equally disturbing film Pi, which also features acts of skull-drilling to relieve cranial agonies...
¹⁴ I understand, following an update from the QI Elves, that you simply can't get eaten by a whale, because they don't have the throats for it. Evolved to survive by sieving huge amounts of krill out of the water, you couldn't squeeze down most whales' gullets even if you wanted to. Ah well...
¹⁵ While a rescued topic, the original article (A267112) contained so little information, I consider this a valid solo entry.
¹⁶ One of the most enjoyable periods of research in my life! I watched and re-watched the episodes over several nights¹⁷... and I can safely say I never tired of any of it. Classic brilliance no child should go without.
¹⁷ Not for research, but some kind of comfort instead, I can recommend 'Spaced' - feel good comedy for geeks. I managed to struggle through a particular grim period following the death of a family member on a nightly dose of 'Spaced' before bedtime.