Happy Birthday to Me
Feb 24, 2003
Yay. I'm 19 now.
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A Journal From the Underground
Feb 18, 2003
In Dostoyevsky's "Notes From Underground," the main character is a nameless narrator, "The Underground Man." I finished reading this book a couple days ago, and I realized that his story is my story, or at least it could be with the right circumstances. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. For now, it's good, because I have a greater self-understanding now. A simple book, 91 pages, full of answers, and more questions. Definately more questions.
That's something I know now, there will always be questions. But knowing that there will be always be questions brings answers with it as well. I know that there are some things I can't believe, like religion. I can question, and I can learn, but never fully believe. I lack faith obviously, but faith is not something I can have. I'm too aware for faith, too aware of the doubts that would always accompany faith.
But I believe in truth, which is almost the same thing. I'm a seeker, and perhaps someday I will know what I seek.
3 Goals I came up with today:
Find Truth in something
Find Love in someone
Find Happiness in myself
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Euphoric
Sep 29, 2002
I've been at college for a week now. Already I feel myself changing, growing, gaining in confidence. Since yesterday evening, I've been filled with a feeling of euphoria, for lack of a better term (not to imply that that is a poor term though, it's just that the feeling seems to go beyond simple euphoria).
I've done things that I would never have done just two weeks ago. Good things, of course. Like introducing myself to and having lunch with a cute girl. I've always been really shy, but it seems to be disappearing now. I also read the
Tao-te Ching, and am working on Confucius and Sun Tzu, simply because I want to know more about the context of Chuang Tzu's Basic Writings, which the entire freshman class is reading. I certainly wouldn't have done anything like that in high school.
Some song lyrics spring to mind. But since the moderators will remove my posting again if I put them here, you'll just have to find the song lyrics online at www. followed by delerium with a .com afterwards. The song is titled Euphoira (Firefly), and is on the album Karma. So find the lyrics there. Download the music video if you want. It's a good song, and the lyrics are much improved by the music.
May your blade remain ever sharp.
Vidmaster
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Bugger
Jul 18, 2002
As I've said in my personal space, I live in Kalispell, Montana. Well, I didn't say it exactly in my personal space, but I've said it now, and this is my personal space. So there :p.
Something I havent' mentioned yet is the fact that Kalispell is basically a dictatorship. Our county commisioners are asshats (a new term, coined by a friend), who only care about money and don't give a $%#* about anything else. They have a habbit of letting any development go through, no matter how freaking stupid. The latest one is a strip of 711s, strip malls, and a big Holiday Inn. And it's right behind my house. Yay. Someone needs to do something about it. Except the meeting about it is tomorrow morning, and nobody knows about it. So basically we're buggered. With a 10 foot pole. Sideways.
<leaving on a happy note>
Vidmaster
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