Professor Dongle Splogge of the Department of Pointless Theories, puts yet another pointless theorem to the Scientific Institute. The theory of chocolate.

Chocolate, he writes, has nothing to do with life. It is a cocoa-based sugar product with no relevance whatsoever. Its popularity was only boosted by the fact that it is an addictive drug which spreads immediately to parties surrounding it.

One person who wished to remain anonymous recounted the phrase, 'Life is like a box of chocolate. You never know what you're going to get.' This does not make sense. You know what you'll get with a box of chocolate as the average human being with a brain capacity of an acorn always looks on the back. I mean:

...what a shock it would be to the chocolate connoisseur if they just dipped their hand in and got a Brazil nut chocolate! In true honesty, the chocolate-coated strawberries taste far better than Brazil nut chocolates¹.

Professor Dongle Splogge is still waiting for his application to the Committee that processes these theories to be accepted.

Who am I?

I don't quite know. After moving around so much around Blighty the average person tends to become a little mixed.

I am a jack-of-all-trades, in the weakest sense possible. I am a literary psycho, writing stories which pass the boundary of storywriting and stop off at the pub of imagination. I play a few musical instruments . Sportwise, I like playing badminton and tennis. I like watching football, cricket and (Wimbledon is obviously a pet favourite of mine) as well. are nice as well!

Pets

Meet my bouncing fish!

Well, I have who are very sweet and get along well with each other. Some are big, some are small. They just swim, and never get trawled!

That's about it!

Edited Guide Entries! Yay!

Here is where you can see all the Edited Entries that I have worked on, the solo ones and the collaborative ones that I wrote a large chunk of!

Key

- Games
- Sport
- TV
- Books
- Science
- Biography
- Film
- Music
- Other

Lemmings
Badminton
The Crystal Maze
The Three Musketeers
The Ashes
The Picture of Dorian Gray
Sonic the Hedgehog
Norse Mythology Summary
New Balls Please
Lawn Tennis
Weathering
Knightmare
Knightmare Characters
The Gormenghast Trilogy
Chinese Whispers
Tennis Tantrums
Bend it Like Roberto Carlos
Pride and Prejudice
Red Letter
Sense and Sensibility
Lord Byron - Childish Recollections
Lord Byron - Almost Famous
Lord Byron - Bittersweet Fame
Lord Byron - Live Fast, Die Young
Twenty Years Later
Frankenstein
The Vampyre: A Tale
Surviving Slasher/Splatter Horror Films
Thomas Hardy - Author and Poet
The Return of the Native
The Cure
England's Barmy Army

The Post! Go-go-go!

Here are some of the articles that I've written specifically for h2g2's own virtual weekly newspaper!

A Hedgehog's Holiday
The Council of Elrond - The Director's Cut
The h2g2 Poem - Floppy Disks and Toilets

Book of the Future!

I only wrote one Entry for this DNA site, but it was enough to get into the actual book!

Rubber Ducks

Clubs and Societies

I'm in far too many to list here.

So I list them here.

h2g2-isms

Only found on h2g2...

On the subject of 42:

1+(8+0-8)+41 = 42

or...

1+8+0-8+41 = 42

And I worked it all out by myself!

h2g2 Code

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