U200000
Thank you for visiting my space. 
I know I promised to give some apathy lessons,
but I doubt that anyone would bother to come.
Top ten ways of knowing if an egg has gone bad:
10. You notice it selling drugs on the streetcorner.
9. It always seems to be leaning against Humpty Dumpty whenever he sits on walls.
8. It doesn't phone its mother. Heck, it doesn't even write.
7. It cheats the Easter Bunny every time the two play cards.
6. It refuses to come out of its shell when guests come to dinner.
5. It moons Faberge at every opportunity.
4. It refuses to go to any functions if the chicken will be there, because it wants to discourage speculation as to which came first.
3. It leads kitchen revolts on Egg Foo Yung Day.
2. It refuses to show up for the annual Easter Egg Roll.
1. It smells bad even if you cut off its nose
ODE TO A POTATO CHIP
Potato chip, thou noble slab of starch,
With freckles brown bedotted 'round an arch,
Granitic fat doth sparkle on thy rim,
To thee I dedicate this little hymn.
Some Philistines with ketchup thee would drench,
Or use thee for a spade to dig a trench
In Onion dip or salsa. Tis a bane!
For I prefer thee in thy state most plain.
Brass fanfare, followed by lush chords
from the string section, and an insistent
drumbeat. On the screen, stars are whizzing
past at Warp 11>
Welcome to tonight's episode of "In Search
of Lost minds." In our last episode, the valiant
crew of the Czarship Roamin' Off rescued
Princess Anesthesia from a red star. Ratsputum,
the Czar's counselor, had suggested a tourniquet,
which Czar Nickelass mistakenly interpreted as a
tournament. So now the whole population of the
spaceship was playing bridge.
CZAR Nickelass: Okay, I bid hearts....
Scene: Notre Dame Cathedral. It is the 13th century,
or maybe the 15th century. Esmeralda has been quietly
hiding a humpback whale in the belltower for years,
but he is soon to be flushed from his hiding place.
His name is Quasimoby. Someday he will be known as the
Humpback of Notre Dam.
<Impressive music weaving together the themes "Dit dat dittum,
dattum, wattum, choo!" and "Hi ho, hi ho, A Whaling we will go.">
We now resume our normally silly programming
Come on in.
Make yourself comfortable.
Have a drink.
Ignore the strange creatures that scurry for
the shadows as soon as you notice them out
of the corner of your eye. They're probably just
harmless carnivorous saber-toothed squirrels
that haven't eaten in a month or so. Nothing
we can't handle if we have major weapons at our
disposal. Not that I have any. I hope you
brought yours.
Down this hall to the left, we have a nice modern
bathroom complete with shower. The cleaning
staff has done a very good job of removing the last
traces of blood from the shower stall. Even
Mrs. Bates couldn't tell anybody had been murdered
there. Wait, did I say murdered? Ha, ha, slip of
the tongue. I meant to say christened. The two
words are so much alike, it's easy to get them mixed up.
The dining room boasts an enormous chandelier.
It's a replica of a chandelier that Marie Antoinette
was very fond of before her head got cu... Oh,
there I go again, ha, ha! I meant to say before she
cut her little finger while cutting cake to give
to the poor, starving masses. Anyway, the dining
room is right over a major fault line, so in the
event that there's an earthquake, you won't want to
be under the chandelier. The guy who installed it
was a pastry chef who had never done any building
before. He was cheap, though, which was a good thing.
So, enjoy your stay at my page. If you need
anything, just yell...
WELCOME TO THE POSTMODERNIST SMILEY ART GALLERY
I call this one "Meaningless Random Smiley Cluster"
     
      
    
     
    
This may not answer your questions about me, but....
Who is Paul H. and Why is he Harmly Mostless?
If you are visiting my space for the first time,
welcome! You will probably never get to meet me
in person. You might not even want to . I am
5'4" tall, with a bushy moustache and thick (some
would say unruly)grey hair. We won't discuss my
weight  . I have a penchant for collecting things:
birthdays (I've accumulated 53 of them so far), music
recordings (mostly classical and musical theater),
funny songs, dinnerware patterns, pumpkins, recipes,
and clutter. My house is expected to sink into the
swamp any minute now.
I work at the reference desk in a public library
south of Boston, Massachusetts. This means that I
have accumulated thousands of odd facts over the
years, which I insert into many of the discussion
threads that I participate in. It's lucky that the
only kind of tomatoes anyone can throw at me are the
virtual kind.
Come back often, as I make changes to my site
fairly often.
HOW TO SPELL MY NAME WITH SMILEYS
 = P
 = A
 = U
 = L
= H
Honorary Patron Saint of Ragtime Vogon Poetry
Link to H2G2 Musehome:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A420661
Link to H2G2 statistics:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/info?
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|  | | | | | | RESEARCHER DATA
| |  | Name:
Paul H . If you think I look old, you should see my father
Last posted: 1 Hour Ago
| | | | | | Researcher Number:
176638
| | | | | | Referenced Researchers:
| | | | | | Related BBC Pages:
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