This page is also available in Goo, Plain or Brunel but is best in Alabaster.1 Right first things first, it has come to my attention that Unknown Visitor disapproves of any and all uses of the <VIEWER/> tag. Rest assured this will be remedied forthwith. This is the page I write about me, oui? Okay, so no doubt this will be very self-indulgent and quite boring, so perhaps you'd prefer to read this instead? For those of you still here, thanks. The rest of them smelled of pee anyway. I've been here since May 5th 20012 which incidentally was a Wednesday according to the formula3, and I've been popping in and out at irregular intervals ever since. What's with the name? Well, my name's Laura and the day I discovered the great big internet - way back in the days when it wasn't quite as big as it is now and we all had to go on on the middle of the night to avoid tying up the phonelines - I was bored. I imaginatively stuck the two words together and hey presto! I came up with the nickname I've used ever since. It's not very interesting, but I do feel it's rather succinct. What am I like? My id usually wins over my ego but my head wins over my heart. I'm arbitrarily vague. If you asked for ten adjectives to describe me I'd barter you down to seven and give you: paradoxical, satiable, Scottish, self-deprecating, tenacious, verbose and witty. I'm an atheist who used to teach English in an Austrian convent school and if I were to have a superpower I'd want to be able to borrow other superheroes' powers a'la The X-Men's Rogue or Heroes' Peter Petrelli.4 What do I like? Like Nietzsche I believe that without music life would be a mistake5. I like Flaming Sambucas and bedroom dancing to indie-pop; I like ellipsis and semi-colons; I like about a library's worth of different books and pretty much all music ever recorded except for Celine Dion, Simply Red and jazz; I like cheese and pirate jokes; I like Ralph Wiggum, inventing words through the magic of pre-and suffixing and run-on sentences. I do not, however, like interrobangs or sums6 and if you misuse an apostrophe then I may very well strangle you with your own intestines. A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend. What do I write? Like ever other person who has ever met the internet I have a blog where I write ramble about anything that takes my interest from mutant animals to a night at drag queen karaoke. Then here at hootoo I've written about random stuff which you can find in the dropdown menus below7 and if that's not enough every November I go quantifiably8 mad by trying to write fifty thousand words in thirty days as part of NaNoWriMo9. What do I want? Honestly, there is only one thing I want. I want it more than world peace, more than unlimited chocolate, more than a universal understanding of the correct useage of an apostrophe, more than all those things combined into one giant halcyon, grammatically correct planet wrapped up in a milk chocolate shell, with dark chocolate spewing volcanoes and seas of lightly-whipped truffle-filling. And that thing, since you asked Unknown Visitor, is this: <random> This one smiley would put an end to all other smileys, never again will you have to try and remember if the code is <wings> or <flyhi>, whether it's <bluelight> or <klaxon>; do we <grovel> for a new smiley or do we <beg>? The random smiley would eliminate the need for all other smileys; simply typing the hallowed code <random> would, as the name so eloquently suggests, produce there, in your forum post, a random smiley from the ever-increasing collection. It will bring chaos and confusion in equal measure and yes, a certain hootoo-ite's posts will be even stranger10. If someone's feeling  , cheer them up with  11 or a  . Who knows, perhaps the surprise smiley itself will be enough to cheer them up. And and do you know what, Unknown Visitor, it would be fan-frickin'-tabulous12. And finally... When you're done here if you wouldn't mind making your way over to the QI Society, thank you muchly. Careful not to set off the  though, it makes one helluva racket; on the other hand if you are quite interesting then you will be compensated accordingly...which is nice. And finally, finally have you randomly quoted recently? And if not why not? And finally, finally, finally have you seen this, or how about this?
1 As everything is better in Alabaster
2 Or thereabouts, that's when I was ACEd anyway
3 If I did my sums right, which alas isn't often the case.
4 Of course, this is assuming that I'm not the only person on the planet with superpowers, because having the ability to steal superpowers in a superpowerless world would be the epitome of pointless abilities.
5 And that's almost certainly the only resemblance I bear to any philosopher!
6 Except this one: (1*7^2) + ((8/4)+ -9) = 42
7 Which have been alphabetised for your ease. Well, your ease and my anal retentiveness regarding order
8 I know "quantifiably" isn't a real word, but I won't make a big deal out of it if you don't. Deal?
9 Which is most excellent, as the 90s would say. It's like a cult without the free robes
10 If such a thing is even possible! Oh he's strange, but he's hootoo's strange and we quite like it that way
11 Actually, that might work rather well
12 And that,grammar lovers, is the perfect example of tmesis.
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