A Rugby Union player's match record
Jan 6, 2001
0mins: Whistle goes. Charge into person for no reason.
3mins: Get ball. Run. Get tackled. Knee other player in cobblers in the ruck. Referee watching ball.
5mins: Go charging down the wing. Get tackled, so 'accidentally' fall into the touch judge. His flag wallops someone else in the ribs. Bonus!!
8mins: Opponent wearing headguard approaches with ball. Tackle. Kick him in calf when the ref isn't looking. Then tread on his hand.
20mins: Someone kicks me in the arse. Wait.
21mins: Retaliate by pulling his shorts down in a maul. Referee is concentrating on the ball.
26mins: Drop ball. Give away knock-on, then follow through and wallop other player in chest. Ref chasing ball.
27mins: Scrum. Bite the hooker's arse. Hooker falls over. Headbutt opponent. Referee concerned with number 8, who just collapsed the scrum.
35mins: Kick other player in face. Ref sees it and waves yellow card.
40mins: Go on a run. Fall over. Score try.
Fullback misses conversion. Ref blows whistle - half time
60mins: Having stayed out of trouble, fall into referee when tackled. He drops his whistle. Steal whistle. Steal other whistle.
65mins: Their player goes through. Blow stolen whistle. Plant it on other player.
72mins: Gouge eye. Bleed. Put on sweatband.
75mins: Find gouger, kick him in nuts
75mins 10secs: Gouger kicks me in nuts.
75mins 15secs: Ruck. Ref distracted. Knee gougher in nuts.
75mins 30secs: While in maul, pull gouger's shorts down.
75mins 31secs: Pull gouger's pants down.
75mins 33secs: Kick gouger in unprotected nuts.
75mins 40secs: His mate punches me in face
75mins 50secs: Captain punches gouger's mate.
76mins: Fight. Bite ear, kick nuts, punch. A lot.
78mins: Ref regains control. Touch judge knees ref in nuts.
80mins: Game abandoned.
80mins 48secs: Pitch invaded. Ref and touch judges climb the posts.
81mins: Posts fall over
100mins: Ref and touch judges taken to hospital.
101mins: Retire to bar for consumption of beer and singing of dirty songs. Lovely!!!
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- Latest reply: Jan 7, 2001
The General Certificate of Secondary Education
Oct 19, 2000
The single most advanced form of torture invented for children. Too much bloody stress. Nuff said.
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- Latest reply: Jan 21, 2001
What am I doing now?
Aug 4, 2000
I'm supposed to be searching for pictures for Islington Council's Summer University. Instead, I'm browsing h2g2 and playing some nice, relaxed MC. I also have another Explorer window minimised, currently at a search engine so I can fool the tutor into thinking I'm working. Still 1hr 10 mins to escape. Arse and double arse. Still, there's always the Post.
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Oh s**t
May 27, 2000
I'm a fan of the Flight Unlimited series of flight simulators. They are made by Looking Glass, who also won awards for the game 'Thief' and its sequel, 'Thief II', where you're a criminal, the game may be the inspiration for the rather more famous Grand Theft Auto series.
So imagine just how crappy I felt when, on arriving at a FUII/III fan page I visit regularly, seeing a black background and the news that not only was the upcoming game 'Flight Combat' was being taken over by Jane's Combat Simulations but that Looking Glass Studios itself was no more. I can say no more.
For more information please go to this address and the links on the page.
home.wtal.de/pegasus
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- Latest reply: Jul 8, 2000
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