Just don't ask about the diet.

Welcome

Shaft with a hint of Vaughan Williams

Me me me me me!

Just when you thought you'd got away without a long, rambling and above all tedious life history...

Well on the grounds that the truth, set you free though it might, is probably not very interesting, the following is not necessarily true.

Life achievements:

• at age 6 months, invented the wing nut to international acclaim
• at 18 months, launched successful moon shot at a fraction of the cost of the US launches, and drew great big picture of a droopy-eared rabbit on it; US government forced to invest massively in global hypnosis campaign to convince people that they can't see it, thus creating the communications and misinformation infrastructure that eventually became known as MTV
• aged 4, discovered existence of navel fluff, which nobody had ever previously noticed
• aged 14, led research project which led to the eradication of white dog poo from public parks in the UK
• aged 16, learnt to read
• aged 19, elected Russia's Second-Greatest Love Machine
• aged 23, had a really long lie in

Upcoming achievements:

• Will invent time machine at age 36 - this is what enables me to bring the wing nut into ubiquity by the mid 1960s, despite only inventing it in 1974
• Hope to master the obscure art of writing legibly without the aid of a computer some time before reaching retirement age

Aren't you glad you asked? Oh you didn't. Wise, but ultimately unsuccessful.

No, really

Well OK, in brief: born in UK in 1973, loves comedy (raised on diet of Blackadder, Python, h2g2, Young Ones, Saturday Live (UK version), and more or less any Channel 4, BBC2 or Radio 4 comedy of even vaguely 'alternative' bent) into music of almost kind (can sing competently, play piano and trombone passably, tuba approximately, guitar badly; erstwhile music scholar then choral exhibitionist) and almost terminally embarrassed about finding computers really quite interesting. No, really they are, you just have to understand them... Oh. You've gone.

Inexplicable smiley