In a band
Sep 14, 2009
So I am in another band, this one is called Whorgy, we are playing at Battle Of The Bands at the uni of auckland next week, should be fun. How is everyone?
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An article I wrote, what do you think?
Jul 13, 2009
The following is an article I wrote for my universities magazine the Craccum, and is entitled "Musings of a bisexual male in New Zealand"
In New Zealand at the moment there is still a lot of discrimination
based on sexual orientation. If you are in the GBLTI (an inclusive
term including but not limited to Gay, Bisexual, Lesbian, Trans, and
Intersex) category you can expect to be made into a monster by certain
groups. For example, it is not a commonly known fact that the Salvation
Army in the late 1980's raised 800,000 signatures against the
Homosexuality Reform Bill, which made it legal for men to sleep with
men, failing to stop it but causing a large number of people in the
GBLTI community to commit suicide when they were forced to sign the
petition. There is still discrimination by groups such as this,
causing distress to a large number of GBLTI.
There continues to be discriminatory laws on the books, such as the
Partial Defence of Provocation.Traditionally, this was used in the
cases of men killing their wives, but in recent times it has been used
as a defence against killing of GBLTI persons. As Conrad Reyners says
in his article No Straight Answers - The Partial Defence of
Provocation, "Provocation is inherently hetero-normative. Its very
existence reaffirms the status quo position of heterosexual males
occupying the top of the social pyramid. The act of homosexual
contact, at a subconscious level, threatens the prevailing dominance
of heterosexual sexuality. By its very nature, a homosexual advance is
accepted to be an attack upon the sanctified and impenetrable male
body. Therefore there is no such thing as a homosexual advance ... The
continued existence of provocation as a defence for gay panic prevents
the New Zealand judiciary from treating gay panic for what it really
is - an excuse for hate crime. In R v Ali & Nadan the Judge indicated
that: “Any potential homosexual assault might be sufficient and that
revulsion might lead to a loss of self control.”. There are many
examples of this, such as in 2004 when Robert Hunt was savagely
murdered. He was killed by 18 year old Dick Faisauvale, who held him
by the throat and stabbed him. Hunt collapsed after unsuccessfully
trying to phone 111 for an hour and died on his floor. At trial
Faisauvale, who had previously had a sexual relationship with Hunt,
claimed that he was provoked, arguing that he thought he was going to
be raped by Hunt and was lashing out in gay panic. Faisauvale was
running the defence of provocation.
Now I myself am Bisexual. This is seen by heterosexual society as a
whole to be more "acceptable" then being Homosexual. But if you must
know, there is as much stigma attached to it by a lot of
heterosexuals, and then you add the stigma from the Lesbian and
Homosexual society and you get stuck in a really uncomfortable
position. It always feels like you have to prove to straight people
that you aren't gay, and to the Lesbians and Homosexuals that you
aren't straight. A lot of Lesbians and Homosexuals feel that bi people
are either just hanging on to the image or are really gay but haven't
come all the way out. I recently went to the UniQ conference in
Wellington (was a lot of fun, I strongly recommend that if you're in
the GBLT community that you come next year), and in the van I went
down in was filled with bi's. Now this wasn't because we wanted to be
in a van filled with bi people, it was bigotry on the behalf of the
people who assigned the vans. I could go on a lot more about that but
I don't want to turn it into a personal attack. We talked a lot about
a number of matters, including acceptance of ourselves in the
different societies. The others in the van told me that it is easier
for them to just tell everyone that they are gay or lesbian as they
get less discrimination from both sides, leading us to the conclusion
that although being bisexual is seen to be the more acceptable option,
it is not.
I was the only bi favouring opposite sex in the van. I am definitely
not straight as anyone who knows me can tell, and I would not be so
presumptuous to call myself gay in order to be accepted by society
more. In fact by being open about my sexuality to anyone who asks, I
put myself in a very dangerous position socially. I have slept with
and been in relationships with people of both genders, and I just
prefer girls. They don't just want sex all the time and are quite a
lot softer and smell nice. I have a girlfriend whom I love with all my
heart; she knows that I am bi and she finds it cute. She is about the
only person not bisexual and outside of the group known as the Alcove
or some of the people in UniQ who accepts me for who I am. Even my
parents try telling me that I'm not "really bisexual", their
justification being that I have a girlfriend. I know who I am, I'm not
going to lie so that others feel better. There is a lot of talk in the
GBLTI community about getting equality with heterosexuals. I say that
we need equality inside our community first. A lot of people are going
to say that being bi is not socially unacceptable, but that tends only
to be true for the teenage girls who say they are bi so that guys find
them hotter. Never worked that one out, I dated someone like that once
because I thought she was actually bi and, well, she was damn fine,
but everyone knows that they are really straight so there is no
attached stigma.
Now, at the conference there was many talks of interest. That was how
I learnt about the salvation armies continuing bigotry towards us and
the Partial Defence of Provocation. One of the talks was about
Transgendered rights. There is a lot of confusion around this, and I
will tell you what I personally picked up from it.
1) If someone is crossdressing or is obviously transgender, refer to
them by the gender that they are portraying.
2) Do NOT ask if they have had "the operation". There is a lot of
operations that you need to have, and how would you like it if someone
came up to you and asked "is your penis/vagina big/tight?"
3)They prefer to be called by the gender they are portraying and not
as "trans-male" or "trans-female"
4) A large number of them consider themselves to be straight, so don't
call them gay unless you know for a fact that they consider themselves
to be so
5) Someone who is unhappy with the gender they were born with is
genderqueer, which is an awesome word.
6) Treat them as you want to be treated
I will sign off now, I don't want to go on for ages about this stuff.
If anyone has any questions regarding UniQ, your GBLTI group on
campus, email uniq.auckland@gmail.com or come along to Alleluya Cafe
at 5.30pm on thursdays, we have coffee and the general meeting there.
Its an open and supportive environment for GBLTI people on campus, and
will help you will any and all problems that you have. Even come along
if you are heterosexual and supportive, we would love to see you. And
if you have any questions regarding me, write in to your beloved
magazine and I will reply as best i can
Hold on to your socks for my next article, fetishes and you
~The Emperor Fabulous
What do you guys think?
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I'm Back
Jun 22, 2009
Howdy people, I have returned from the depths of the interwebs. A lot has happened since I've been gone. I had a few more brief relationships (note: dating crack ho's isn't fun, especially when you didn't know they were addicts before that), a few flings, did a number of things I shouldn't have, got a tatt, and somehow have survived to halfway through my third year of my four year degree. I've starting dating someone who is a good person, instead of my normal choice of, for lack of a better word, bitches who just want to use me. She makes my depression not so bad, and I do the same for her, so I am much happier than I have been in a long time. So, what have you guys been up to?
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- Latest reply: Jun 23, 2009
Stupid depression...
Apr 18, 2008
Yesterday my ex called me to tell me she was pregnant to the guy she cheated on me with. He recently got arrested, again, and is back in prison, and now she wants me to date her. Other than the fact that every time he gets out of prison she goes to him, so i couldn't trust her if i was inclined to, and even though i want kids at some point, it's her problem and i do NOT go out with people who hurt me and are not trustworthy enough not to do it again. Especially when they expect me to automatically bow to their wishes. Basically what would happen would be that I would end up looking after a child which wouldn't be mine while she would be sleeping around behind my back. So, you can see why I got pissed off at her.
Factor in my depression...
In short, i had a major breakdown last night. It was shocking. I contemplated suicide. Completely irrational i know; I don't have to deal with the stupid little girls problems; they aren't mine. But depression ISN'T rational. In the end my very close friend Flo had to come over and cheer me up. There are only two people who can actually make me happy when I'm depressed, and that is Ursula, my oldest close friend (the one i made straight when I dated her), and Flo, who is a lot like Ursula except Flo is in auckland with me and has borderline OCD, and Ursula recently moved to Wellington with her boyfriend. Normally when I'm depressed, Flo holding me close to her makes me happy again. Last night I was so down that all it did was make me not so sad. I was definately a lot happier than when she arrived, but i still was pretty down. I didn't let her see that i was though; she wouldn't have left otherwise and she needed to sleep and work on assignments. Flo and Sunny are really good friends to me; they are best friends and they are also really close to me. Apparantly because I'm a gentleman and a sweetheart unlike other guys. But I was so upset by my ex's behaviour towards me, as well as an already bad day happening, that if my ex ever tries to come see me and Flo and/or Sunny are around... Lets just say flo and sunny are making me a shirt with large warning labels, including "WARNING: This Person is Protected by FLONANDA SECURITY!", "WARNING: Misuse of this Person will result in greivous bodily harm", and, because all three of us have twisted senses of humour, also "Hand Wash Only", and "PARENTAL WARNING: Do Not Use this Person if Under 18 Years Of Age". And that's the only warning people will get from them from now on apparantly. They don't like to see me hurt, because I'm the nicest, sweetest straight guy they have ever met.
This does all have a point by the way, i'm just in the stage of a depression cycle where you can't stop thinking or talking really so you blather a bit blah....
Basically what it comes down to is my depression cycles are getting closer and closer together. I don't want to distract Flo from her studies too much, but at the moment I'm getting depressed at a rate of once every two days. I am seeing a councillor but have only had two sessions at the moment, so have not gotten much out of it yet. But Flo is literally the only one at the moment who can make me feel good. And I'm going rowing this weekend down at karapiro for the uni games. Leaving today, coming back sunday night. That means I'm going to be alone with my thoughts for three more days. I'm hoping Flo can come over when I get back to watch a movie with me, because if she isn't i'm going to be in real emotional trouble. When i say i was suicidal last night, I couldn't look out the flat window because I was afraid I'd be compulsed to throw myself off...
I really hate what depression is doing to me. I just want to be happy...
Oh, and some of my friends from back in hamilton think I'm mad and now won't talk to me. Like depression is contageous or something.
In short, it feels like its raining sadness inside my brain. I want to be my normal self again, but I really want to avoid mood stabilisers because they kill all emotions. And I wouldn't cope being happy all the time on happy pills either. I really hate this though. I just want to be a normalish guy, not a depressive freak who is afraid of looking out the window when badly depressed...
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only read if you're a friend
Mar 5, 2008
For those of you who know me (if you don't why are you reading this?  , you know I can get depressed. Well, four months ago, after my last university exam for 2007, my parents said that I had to go down to Hamilton for the holidays so they could use the flat. They subsidize it so I couldn't refuse The first thing my parents said to me after hello was that I was a fat pig. I know I'm overweight, I hate that about myself, I'm trying to get thin, and I didn't need them to point it out. That was shortly followed by "why the h***" didn't I have a girlfriend, and that both my sisters have boyfriends. Basically they spent the whole time making reference to the fact that I am alone. Now, the one thing that really makes me depressed is being alone, so you can understand just how bad they made me feel. I've always been afraid of dying alone, when I was six I got a girlfriend because I was afraid to be alone even then. They have always maintained that I don't have depression, in spite of my high school forcing me to see a councilor because of it. My mother had depression when she was younger, but apparently I'm not allowed to have it. In fact, I went to the Parachute festival primarily to avoid them for four days because they were making me feel so bad. On the second night of the festival, third night I was there because I was helping out, I had a major breakdown. I just went to my tent and I couldn't move because I felt so sick and angry and upset... I am incredibly glad that my friend Aimee was at Parachute too, it was only her looking after me that night that stopped me from doing something incredibly stupid. After parachute my parents got even worse, telling me that i was basically worthless and should go back to Auckland. Because of them wanting to use the flat, I had lost the job I had in Auckland, and so would have starved for two months. I was working at Versus Research in Hamilton, and was still paying my rent. I was meant to go up to Auckland on Sunday the second of march, the day after my birthday and before uni restarted. They decided that they couldn't wait that long, so on the morning of the first they drove me back to Auckland and just dropped me off at the flat. And then I had my birthday party on sunday night. It went alright, but yesterday I find out that someone I used to like is telling everyone she didn't come to my party because she hates me. The reason she didn't come to my party is because she didn't know I was having one because I didn't invite her. She didn't care when I nearly died last year from peritonitis, she was too busy getting indignant because her friends had pushed me into trying to be friendly with her and she was too far up herself to care that it wasn't my idea, and that I'd rather have been left alone if she was going to act like that. Plus I've also been single for over a year now. I don't throw myself at anything in a skirt like some people I know, I'm not that desperate that I'll take the first person who gives me the eye, but it would be nice to have someone special in my life again.
Blarg...
(forgive me if I seem to be whining, I don't want to but i needed somewhere to vent.)
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- Latest reply: Apr 27, 2008
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