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Posted Jul 26, 2001 by Pierce The Pirate (visit my ship at A579684), thingite key bearer
Okay, helmsman, hold that course for the next couple of hours. And if Gwennie gets here before I get back make sure she doesn't touch anything. And I mean anything! Especially this red button!
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Posted Aug 3, 2001 by Kes
*Saunters past ... nods to the helmsman. Fiddles with one of the ropes, brushes dust off white gloves. Checks the chronometer, and takes a sextant reading. Consults chart, deciding that a tiny course adjustment would be in order.*
Helmsman ... er, left hand down a teensy bit , eh? Jolly good!
*Strolls around*
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Posted Aug 3, 2001 by Pierce The Pirate (visit my ship at A579684), thingite key bearer
*whispers to helmsman: That's quite allright. You may find him a bit strange (and who wouldn't?) but he *seems* to know what he's dealing with. So until otherwise proved let's just assume that he knows about navigation, okay?*
Ahoy there! Say, could you figure out the course to Christmas Island?
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Posted Aug 4, 2001 by Kes
Ay ay Sir! Let me see ... *Rustles through the charts* Here! Right ...so our position is (mumble mumble) here! *marks point on chart* and Christmas Isalnd ....there .....*fiddles with dividers, parallel rulers etc* so we need a course of 172 degrees ...that's magnetic, of course, and then there's the wind ...the continental drift, the length of the piece of string ...and the angle of the dangle ... which, in terms of a change of course would be .... er..
Left hand up a bit, Helmsman! ...bit more ... now, steady as she goes! 
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Posted Aug 4, 2001 by Pierce The Pirate (visit my ship at A579684), thingite key bearer
You know, we *could* start up the double-head-twin- boosters and activate the space-jump-hyper-time-coordinate-finders
- but it's much nicer this way, don't you think?
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Posted Aug 4, 2001 by Kes
Yes, and besides ... I never push the red buttons! 
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Posted Aug 5, 2001 by Kes
Helmsman! The wind has backed slightly, so could you turn that wheel thing and bring the pointy end a bit more to the side with the green lights? ...Bit more ...that's it!
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Posted Aug 5, 2001 by Gwennie
*Barges onto the Bridge in search of Pierce and collides with Kes and a helmsmen*
Oops! Pardon me! I was looking for the Captain to let him know that I've installed myself in cabin 69. Oh my! Just look at all these shiny buttons! Oh! And a big red one!  I just adore big red buttons! 
*A glazed expression fixes itself over Gwennie's eyes as she starts to tremble and perspire* <aside>My mummy told me that ladies never "sweat", but instead "perspire"!</aside>
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Posted Aug 5, 2001 by Pierce The Pirate (visit my ship at A579684), thingite key bearer
<aside> Horses sweat, *men* perspire - ladies jusy feel warm </aside>
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Posted Aug 7, 2001 by Kes
*Takes another sextant reading, to confirm current latitude. As he does so, something glints in the eyepiece. He takes out a telescope, and scans the horizon in that region....*
Captain ... I think there are a couple of ships just on the horizon over there (indicates the starboard beam) .... upwind of us ... on the horizon makes them about 12 mautical miles away. D'you think we'd better have someone take a look from the crow's nest? I'd go myself if it weren't for the dizzy spells, you understand ....
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Posted Aug 7, 2001 by Gwennie
Second Officer? Where?
*Spins around to see if she can find one and only sees Kes*
Surely not...You didn't...Not HIM?
*Produces a large guffaw and leans on the nearest control panel for support as her sides split with laughter*
Oops! 
I think that I just inadvertently pushed that nice big red button...
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Posted Aug 7, 2001 by Gwennie
<aside>Well you of all people should know all about how warm us ladies feel, Pierce!</aside> 
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Posted Aug 7, 2001 by Pierce The Pirate (visit my ship at A579684), thingite key bearer
*red and blue lights start flashin all around as Gwennies touches the red button - all screens light up with warning signals and the intercom yells "Gwennie has done it again" through loudspeakers all over the ship*
Warm ladies, eh? Well, I'll warm a major part of you, lassie! 
*grabs Gwennie, bends her over his knee and starts to spank her thoroughly with a bludgeon  *
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Posted Aug 8, 2001 by Kes
*Looking through telescope, oblivious to events on the bridge*
Cap'n ... One of those ships is coming over the horizon already. She's a three-master - all sails set. We can match her for speed, but she's to windward ... so do we fight or run for it?
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Posted Aug 8, 2001 by Pierce The Pirate (visit my ship at A579684), thingite key bearer
Not to worry, matey - YP, the cannonneer has taken care of that now
*continues to spank Gwennie*
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Posted Aug 8, 2001 by Gwennie
Gerroff! Stoppitt!
*In desperation, Gwennie sinks her teeth into Pierce's thigh and falls to the floor as the leaps to his feet and hops around in agony, falling onto a control panel where he manages to hit a few buttons that in turn set off more alarms and Tannoy announcements*
Hah! *Triumphant grin*
*The ship's Tannoy announces that the Cap'n is currently issuing double rations of grog to the crew on deck*
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Posted Aug 8, 2001 by Kes
I say! While the crew is all on deck ... d'you think you could tell them that we're sailing into a fight? Sort of ...er.. give 'em a bit of a pep talk, and that sort of thing? Jolly good show!
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Posted Aug 9, 2001 by mari-rae(tee reads: (entangled in cardboard boxes, please send tape...)
Flint flies in through the doorway, lands on Pierce, poops, and picks at a note that is tied to his leg. The note is smeared a bit with paint that is still wet....
NOTE:
Hi Captain, sir! We are having  up here in the Crow's Nest if you would like to join us. Oh, and there are a couple of ships out there too. They are getting closer.
xxx, mari-rae
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