Posted May 11, 2000 by William (okay, 'Bill')
This is intended as either a refresher or as an introduction for those new to laundry (ie 8-year olds and recently divorced men — also the formerly rich and other recently arrived visitors to the planet).
A key to washing instructions:
Hand wash separately
This is 'default' language, similar to 'Do not operate machinery' or, 'Not suitable for children under three'. It means: Pay no attention.
Dry clean only
Means: You are either to poor to own this garment or too stupid to realise what a problem it's going to be. It'll be your own fault when it looks like hell and then falls apart.
Do not tumble dry
Means: Tumble dry low
Tumble dry low
Means: Go for your life
Tumble dry high
An intentional misrepresentation designed to get you to buy what is obviously an inferior item. Means: (In this order) Do not buy, do not wash, do not dry.
There has been some speculation that washing tags are part of a cruel, international hoax. However, more recent investigation suggest that these tags are amongst the many unnoticed 'shared fictions' of our time — akin to the ideas that electing Republicans/Conservatives will lower taxes, or electing Democrats/Labor will improve healthcare.
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