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Posted Sep 2, 2004 by The Liquid Warrior (Vescere bracis meis)
Look, if you don't believe me you can always ask Mark Thatcher and Jeffery Archer, they'll back me up.
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Posted Sep 2, 2004 by Mr. Christopher, enjoying the Magicians Guild game where he is called Polonius Franc, Elder Healer and local merchant
If Canadian actor Jonathan Cherry and American actor Brad Pitt got married, would they change their name to Cherry-Pitt?
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Posted Sep 2, 2004 by Paul H . If you think I look old, you should see my father
What state would they be able to marry in, Mr. Christopher? 
Only Massachusetts allows full marriage for same-sex couples, but the catch is that they must be *residents* of the state.
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Posted Sep 2, 2004 by The Liquid Warrior (Vescere bracis meis)
posting 7114 is doing me head in
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Posted Sep 2, 2004 by woodenbadger
A brit, an Irishman and a scot are sipping pints at their local in Glasgow when the brit notices a fly in his ale. Ever so delicately he fishes the fly out with a teaspoon and places on a napkin, which he then carefully folds up and places in the ashtray. He then sets his ale aside and orders a fresh one.
A few moments later, the Irishman sees a fly in his ale. He scoops it out with a thumb and mashes it on the bar and keeps drinking.
Shortly after, the Scot notices a fly in his ale. With great patience and precision, he manages to get the fly perfectly betwween thumb and forefinger held upside down over the pint. Suddenly, he starts smacking it on the hind end shouting angrily "Spit it out! Spit it out you wee little bastard!" 
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Posted Sep 2, 2004 by bubba-fretts
A Brit and a Scots man...
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Posted Sep 2, 2004 by bubba-fretts
How do you make a Scottish ommlette?
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Posted Sep 2, 2004 by bubba-fretts
Well first of all you borrow two eggs....
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Posted Sep 2, 2004 by Tube - the being being back for the time being
A lawyer walks into his client's death row cell and says: "I've got good news and bad news for you." The Prisoner says: "Okay, what’s the bad news?" - "Well, the bad news is that the Governor won't issue a stay of your execution!" - That's terrible! What could the good news possibly be?!" - "The good news is that I got your voltage reduced!"
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Posted Sep 2, 2004 by Paul H . If you think I look old, you should see my father
Oh.
I thought maybe the good news was that Martha Stewart was in the same prison, and had decorated the electric chair with chintz and raffia and lace armrests.
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Posted Sep 3, 2004 by Feisor - ACE- (-0-) - Generix - Worth - Just because you're necessary doesn't mean you're important.
A middle aged man bought a brand new convertible Porsche. He took off down the road, pushed it up to 160 and was enjoying the wind blowing through his (thinning) hair. "This is great," he thought and accelerated to an even higher speed. But when he eventually looked in his rear-view mirror there was a Police Car behind him, blue lights flashing. "I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man and he floored it some more, and flew down the road at over 210 km/hr to escape being stopped.
Then he thought, What the hell am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing" and pulled over to the side of the road, and waited for the Police car to catch up with him. The Policeman pulled in behind the Porsche and walked up on the driver's side. "Sir, my Shift ends in five minutes and today is Friday the 13th. "If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before as to why you were speeding, I'll let you go.
"The man looked back at the Policeman and said, "Last week my wife ran off with a Policeman and I thought you were bringing her back."
The Policeman said, "Have a nice day."
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Posted Sep 3, 2004 by ~:*-Venus-*:~
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Posted Sep 3, 2004 by  Reddyfreddy
Three women escaped from prison. One was a redhead, one was a brunette, and one was a blonde. They ran for miles until they came upon an old barn where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climbed up, they found three large gunnysacks and decided to climb into them for camouflage.
About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy came into the barn. The sheriff told his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw and the deputy yelled back, "Just three gunnysacks."
The sheriff told him to find out what was in them, so the deputy kicked the first sack, which had the redhead in it. She went, "Bow-wow", so the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in it.
Then he kicked the sack with the brunette in it. She went, "Meow", so the deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in it. Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it, and there was no sound at all. So he kicked it again, and finally the blonde said, "Potatoes".
RF
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Posted Sep 3, 2004 by Paul H . If you think I look old, you should see my father
Why did Nicholas Romanov want to go to Hollywood and become an actor?
Because he wanted to be a movie tsar.
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Posted Sep 3, 2004 by Paul H . If you think I look old, you should see my father
That joke about the women in the sacks has some logical problems.
Why would a dog or cat want to hide in a sack in a barn? It makes sense that potatoes would hide in a sack, especially if they were of the talking variety.
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Posted Sep 3, 2004 by clzoomer- "The TV business is a cruel and shallow money trench. A long plastic hallway where pimps and thieves run free and good men die like dogs. There is also a negative side."
An elderly gentleman walks into a bar. There sitting on a stool is a pretty, silver haired lady. He walks up beside her and pulls up the empty stool. He orders a drink, catches her attention and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"
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