Posted Apr 22, 2003 by Lost & Found Rhino
Entry: Human evolution - A1023968
Author: Lost & Found Rhino - U216774
This is my first attempt - comments gratefully received
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Posted Apr 22, 2003 by Mammuthus Primigenius
Some good stuff here  , you seem to know the subject (although I don't, so I can't be sure) and a lot of it is nicely explained. But there's an awful lot of unnecessary waffle. I suggest you print it out and go over it with a ruler and pencil crossing out everything that isn't neccessary. The first paragraph is bad, it doesn't encourage the reader to continue. Don't apologise. Just ignore creationists.
There's quite a few entries on evolution already, it would be worthwhile to do a search for these and link to as many as you can to show where your article fits in.
Don't give up!  with a bit of editing this will make a great entry.
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Posted Apr 23, 2003 by Lost & Found Rhino
Point taken, having read through it again there is a lot of waffle. I'll try cutting it down to size. Thanks for having a look over it though.
LR
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Posted Apr 23, 2003 by Lost & Found Rhino
some waffle cut - I'll have another read of it this evening.
LR
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Posted Apr 28, 2003 by Oberon2001 (Scout)
Hello there LR!
Nice, informative (if jargon/Latin filled) entry.
Couple of quibbles, mainly on points of what the editors of h2g2 are looking for (you can find out more about this by going to Writing-Guidelines) :
1. The pictures that you've put in should be taken out, 'cos the Italics don't like them unless they're the ones that put them in (dunno why that is)
2. To make this more accessible to the layman you might want to trim bits which are unneccessary (I can see this has already been suggested, so keep at it  )
3. The footnotes are a bit long. Try working some of them into the entry itself, that way people won't have to keep flicking from the top to the bottom.
Just thought I'd make it clear that I like this entry and the points above are only so you have an easier time in Peer Review (where some can be brutal) 
Oberon2001
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Posted Apr 28, 2003 by Noggin the Nog
Neanderthal man is homo neanderthalensis.
Noggin
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Posted Apr 29, 2003 by Lost & Found Rhino
Thanks for the comments.
Picked up the neander spelling - thanks Noggin
Oberon :- Done the pictures as you suggested, but I'm a little confused by the idea of cutting out the less important bits , whilst at the same time working in the footnotes to the main text. To me the footnotes are less important hence not in the main text to start off with. Maybe I'm misunderstanding what you mean, could you give an example of how you'd go about it ?
Cheers
Lost Rhino
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Posted Apr 29, 2003 by Oberon2001 (Scout)
Maybe you could cut some of the footnotes completely (i.e. the first one which mentions stuff that will be said later anyway!)
Oberon2001
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