Oh dear. You must be in real danger. You must be lost. You are THERE (here in Nordenham), and you want the f**k to get out of here as soon as possible.
Let me guess: it`s friday or saturday night and nothing goes. More nothing, than nothing ever ment to you.
Beware. If you want information about Nordenham, let me tell you this: dont be or go there unless you are:
-completely stupid
-unable to understand what completely stupid means
-think that completely stupid is cool
-came here by accident (Plane or Ufo crashed, Car ran out of fuel, Some major Technology did not work properly)
-willingly to die in boredom or senseless violence
I lived there. For ages. Too long at all.
Nordenham has 30.000 inhabitants, 99 Percent of them are way beyond clinical stupidity.
Nordenham is where the Weser (a very ugly stinking river with brown water and propably no fish at all in it) transports the remains of toxic industrial waste into the North sea. Closest point of escape is Bremerhaven. Escape as soon as you can. Head north to Blexen, DO NOT STOP ANYWHERE, (except for the boat terminal at the end of the Road), dont look at anyone, do not, by no means, talk to anyone and keep the windows and doors locked. Turning up the volume of some cool music might help.
If you are drunk and like this state, try to avoid carrying lots of money or important documents with you. It is possible you wake up somewhere in the nothingness amongst cows and stuff without knowing why and how. Nordenham is one of the places where you suddenly get the hell drunk like you never been before.
Avoid getting close to the railstation near midnight and after!
It is more dangerous (Bored inhabitants try to mess up anyone who looks uninvolved, innocent, guilty or just having an ugly nose, and they seem not to know that some people prefer to keep their blood inside) than you might expect the dangers of a railstation in a big big big city.
Mainly, the impact time for heavy fights (very silly people in a bunch, are thrown out of one of the many stinky bars, do not hesitate to smack themselves, until they spit blood or do not move anymore, all outside on the street, watched in safe distance by the police and their cheer groups) is around 12:00 PM and 03:00 AM CET.
Everyone knows everyone in Nordenham. And they think this is good. If you are not known, your fault. Expect to be spotted. Expect to be an outsider and to be beaten up. If you are not beaten up, taxi drivers will introduce you to a new, completely unfair and sudden rise of driving prices. If you thought Nordenham was unexpensive until you have entered a taxi, be enlightened.
Clue: walk home, drive drunk or dont be there at all. (I prefer the last possibility). Note: Driving drunk can end up among very unfriendly Sherrifs (all Police-Officers in Nordenham are at least Sherrifs and dream of times when slogans like "Lynch first, then Judge" played a major role in a Sherrif‘s life).
Some People like Nordenham. This statement appears during the Daylight-Phase and is mostly propagated by people who not live directly in the center town of Nordenham. People who like Nordenham, i figured out, do not live there at all. I dont live there anymore, and i still hate it. (I am forced to refresh my memories, everytime i visit my Parents, who live some 8 Miles away out on the countryside.)
The best place to eat some fine thing is possibly everywhere but not in Nordenham. If you are forced by higher powers to eat or drink something, try the "Charly`s Musikkneipe" in the pedestrian zone for a cheap beer and moderate music (mostly blues, guitar and stuff). There is a McDonalds at the Northwestern end of Town (ask for McDonalds and how to hit the "Umgehungs-Strasse" (Motorway designed to avoid driving through Nordenham)).
But beware! Never try to gather information from common inhabitants of Nordenham! Always ask experienced and older looking service-personnell at Gas Stations! Never stop elsewhere! And do not, by no means talk anything except german. Their language-abilities are so embarassing.
They even got their own german dialect, i had to find out. It`s a kind of self-grown collection of the simplest things in their daily life, which they compressed together in one senseless word. For example "sudeln" (speak: soodeln) is the word for a kind of party (from 2 to 50 Participants). If you someone asks you if you want to go "sudeln" there will be a booze-till-you-puke-loudly-kinda event, where the fastest consumption of lots of alcohol is the main reason for being together in a room or a car.
After Midnight, do not eat anything in Nordenham. You could seriously damage your health. (Even strong and experienced people may suffer!!!!)
Only few, but more Skinheads than Punks there. Population not very familiar with foreigners of non-white skin colour and non-german language. (Even the turkish and semi-turkish people there aren`t for some reason i dont want to know.) Sometimes small groups of foreign workers leave the ships in the Harbor of Nordenham just to figure out that every store in the city has already closed (around 18:30 CET !!) and then they quickly disappear. (Perfect choice, dudes!)
The Highschool, Gymnasium Nordenham.
This is one of the most important Buildings in Nordenham. And the only reason i had to be in Nordenham for too many years (although it seems as it did not help, right  . At night it is only protected by an old housekeeper and his two tiny but loud dogs. But beware: as i had to figure out, the alarm of the Building is very disturbing and you should know the territory to be able to run away fastest and safest. And keep in mind, located next to the Gymnasium there are police-station, courthouse and jail!
More to come
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