Italians are the most skilful drivers in the world, but in accordance with classic theories about risk-assessment, they become overconfident as a result. This is why all Italians, even those with large families, drive very small Fiats. It also explains why they are all covered in dents (the cars, that is, rather than the Italians). Italy has two basic driving styles: one for the towns and one for the mountains.

In towns, when you come to a junction you point your car at the exit you want. Four seconds before the lights go green, you press the accelerator to the floor, then weave between any cars which get in your way until you emerge.

In the mountains, use the middle of the road at all times (even when someone's coming the other way), with one important exception: when you hear a deep horn from round a hairpin bend, brake. It is probably a marble lorry coming, and they just don't get out of the way. They don't have to.