Swimming is the skill of moving water from in front to a position behind the swimmer as a method of propulsion. There are four main styles of swimming: front crawl, breaststroke, backstroke and butterfly. The most important strokes to the average swimmer are front crawl and breaststroke.

Front Crawl

Technically the fastest stroke, front crawl will enable the user to move rapidly through the water with dignity, but not grace. The principle being to move one arm at a time over the head and then pulling the water back underneath the body. As the swimmer attempts to move the arms quicker to achieve greater velocities, it is often the case that he or she will lose all stability and end up spraying fellow swimmers with water.

Breaststroke

Breaststroke is the slowest stroke. The theory behind breaststroke is to move the two arms forward together, like a prayer gone wrong, then to pull back. Like a prayer gone really wrong. With breaststroke, there's little hope of a non-professional swimmer gaining anything more than a few yards a minute without giving the impression of having a fit.

Backstroke

The backstroke is fast and useful in that it enables you to know what happens above you. It's not so useful, however, to the swimmer who is likely to be swimming in the direction of, say, a swimming pool wall. The backstroke is like the front crawl with the swimmer swinging their arms in turn back over their head and bringing them back down by their side.

Butterfly

This is the best stroke to impress people with. To move through the water you bring both arms over the head at the same time, while keeping the legs together and kicking with a kind of flipper movement. Anyone attempting this stroke for the first time can easily be identified by their gurgled cries of 'Help' and 'Oh my God I'm drowning'. There are a lot of other variations on the above, as many will see when they go to the swimming baths. Anyone who does go swimming down the local baths and is tempted to engage in a spot of the old butterfly, is warned that they, and they only, are responsible for the resultant horrific mess that may ensue.