Exmouth is, not surprisingly situated at the mouth of the River Exe in Devon. It has a population of around 40,000 and about as many pubs. However, despite being the proud owner of one of the largest Community Colleges in Europe, as well as being home to Rolle College, which is part of the University of Plymouth, Exmouth's social calendar is geared more towards its denture-wearing citizens than its pretty young things. Its vast concentration of pubs is only outnumbered by the amount of charity shops and nursing homes. It is a wonderful place to grow up in and is presumably, a nice place to grow old; but somewhere in between it loses it somewhat.

The Beach

One of Exmouth's highlights is its wonderful, long, sandy beach. The water is cleaner than many beaches in the UK and provides an ideal location to indulge in many watersports¹. Unfortunately, the esplanade behind the beach provides an ideal breeding ground for an irksome section of society: boy-racers.

Boy-racers

Get a group of beer swilling, Benson & Hedges-smoking lads whose one ambition in life is to go to Ibiza and get tanked up, give them a driving licence, an expensive insurance policy and some large bass speakers and a boy-racer is unfortunately what you get. If visiting Exmouth and you have to communicate with them, it is advisable to attempt to do this with a car horn.

The Pubs and Clubs

Exmouth's outrageous concentration of pubs is inhabited mostly by young chaps wearing Ben-Sherman shirts and girls who seem to have escaped their babysitters for the weekend. Unless you join them all on their exact plane of beered-up intoxication, it is hard to have a truly good night out at the weekend. If you don't fancy shaving your head and communicating with a series of neanderthal roars, it might be better heading for slightly groovier places such as the 11a, Remedies or The Old Barrel, rather than shouting the night away in a sports-pub.

Of course, later on you may fancy heading to one of the local clubs, or maybe not. You have a choice between the Q-Club and its gaggles of cackling middle-aged women with too much lipstick; or Samantha's². Sam's holds a foam party once a week, and its the only time that this smelly little hole gets anything resembling a good clean.

After all this merriment, its customary to stagger towards the town centre's Strand for some food. If your visiting Exmouth and you want to blend in on a night out, it is advised that you purchase the local delicacy Chips 'n' Cheese at this point, eat half of it and throw the rest on the floor. If you really want to enter into the spirit of things, you could instead throw the chips at someone else and start a fight.

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¹ Except of course, jetskiing - there's no point encouraging jetskis as they are noisy and not that pleasant.
² Known locally as just Sam's - or Scum's.