The Martini is often mixed, rarely perfected. Here is one attempt at explaining the secrets and mysteries of mixing the perfect, and Perfect, Martini, whatever your tastes may be. One of the oldest quips about the Martini is that you can have a very good drink with vodka and vermouth, but it isn't a Martini. The classic Martini is, simply put, gin and dry vermouth, or basically cold alcohol with style. While the exact proportions will forever be argued upon, those are the essential elements of a good Martini. A Perfect Martini uses both dry and sweet vermouths. Yet, with all that is known about what a Martini constitutes, unique and refreshing Martini recipes continue to surface almost daily. The one thing to remember about a Martini is that, unlike the beverage of a certain double-O agent, it should be stirred, not shaken, as shaking will bruise the spirits and alter the flavour.

Note

All liquors will be generic, excepting where a named brand would be necessary for the quality of the Martini. Also, when choosing liquor for a Martini, the better the spirit, the better the Martini.

Classic Bartender Joke

Two adventurers were packing for a safari and one of them was packing a pint of gin and a pint of vermouth. When the other adventurer asked why, the first replied, 'In case we get lost I'll mix a Martini, someone will show up to argue that I did it wrong, and then we're saved!

Equipment

To mix the perfect, and Perfect, Martini you need several items, none as important as the ice. All other tools can be substituted with on-the-spot materials as required, but the ice must be maintained at the utmost quality and quantity.

• Shaker - This can be metal or glass, but metal chills better.
• Strainer - This is the strange-looking device with a handle and a semi-circle shaped spring attached to the bottom.
• Cocktail Glass - The classic Martini glass, an inverted cone atop of a stem.
• Ice - Of utmost importance, this must be free of contaminates, so tapwater just won't do; shop-bought or made with distilled water is preferred. It must also be cracked, to improve surface area for cooling without diluting the Martini. To crack ice, place in a plastic bag, and pound with the flat side of a meat tenderizer, or hammer, as the occasion permits. The idea is to break the larger chunks into smaller pieces without pulverising the ice, just as long as there are no whole pieces left.
• Cutting Board - For garnish, any flat, clean surface will do fine.
• Sharp Paring Knife - To cut the garnish with. Sharp for safety (a dull knife is ten times as dangerous), and a paring knife is best suited for cutting fruit.
• Garnish - Limes and lemons; cut into slices by first cutting the ends off, then cutting the fruit in half length-wise, cutting a slit in the middle (where the pith is), and finally cutting into slices width-wise, approximately one-eighth of an inch (or three millimetres) thick per slice. Olives, cocktail onions and maraschino cherries in the jar are just fine. For a twist, just take a slice of lemon and remove the fruit. When garnishing with a twist, twist it over the Martini and rub the rim of the glass with the inside of the peel - this releases the essential oil of the lemon and ensures that each sip will be perfect. Exotic garnishes will be listed with the Martini.
• Toothpick - For stabbing the olives and onions. You can substitute those little plastic swords or cocktail umbrellas for a distinctive look.

The Basic Martini

Bet you never thought there could be so many basic Martinis! Just goes to show that there is no single 'correct' Martini recipe. Half the fun is finding the exact amount of vermouth that makes your Martini transcend a mere cocktail and become a work of art.

The Classic Martini

• Two parts gin
• One part dry vermouth
• Dash orange bitters

Combine in shaker over cracked ice, stir and strain into a cocktail glass. Optionally, garnish with an olive or two or a twist.

The Dry Martini

• Four parts gin
• One part dry vermouth

Combine in shaker over cracked ice, stir and strain into a cocktail glass. Optionally, garnish with an olive or two, or a twist.

Tom Lehrer's Martini

• Six parts gin
• One part dry vermouth

Combine in shaker over cracked ice, stir and strain into cocktail glass.

This comes from the last verse of Tom Lehrer's song 'Bright College Days':

Hearts full of youth,
Hearts full of truth,
Six parts gin to one part vermouth

The Extra-dry Martini

• Twelve parts gin
• One part dry vermouth

Pour vermouth in shaker over cracked ice, stir and drain. Add gin, stir and strain into a cocktail glass. Alternatively, the vermouth can be coated around the inside of the cocktail glass and poured out, with the chilled gin poured over the vermouth. Both methods will satisfy the most exacting of patrons. Optionally, garnish with an olive or two, or a twist.

The Perfect Martini

• Four parts gin (can use vodka)
• One part dry vermouth
• One part sweet vermouth

Combine in shaker over cracked ice, stir and strain into a cocktail glass. Optionally, garnish with a maraschino cherry.

The Sweet Martini

• Three parts gin (can use vodka)
• One part sweet vermouth

Combine in shaker over cracked ice, stir and strain into cocktail glass. Optionally garnish with an olive or two, or a twist.

The Vodka Martini - Dry and Extra-dry

• Four parts vodka (potato vodka is preferred, but any top-shelf vodka will do)
• One part dry vermouth

Combine vodka and vermouth in shaker over cracked ice, stir and strain into a cocktail glass. If extra-dry is called for, pour the vermouth first, stir and drain, and then add the vodka, stir and strain into cocktail glass. Optionally, garnish with an olive or two, or a twist.

More, You Ask? The Advanced Martini

The above Martinis will pass inspection in any bar you chose, but some will yearn to imbibe a more adventurous libation where the only resemblance to a Martini is the gin, or vodka, and vermouth. Remember that no Martini is complete without the vermouth. Have faith in the vermouth - your customers (or friends) will thank you.

Appletini

• Two parts vodka
• One part apple schnapps
• One part triple sec
• Two drops dry vermouth

Combine in shaker over cracked ice, stir and strain into a cocktail glass. Optionally, garnish with a lime or apple slice.

Astro Pop Martini

• Four parts vodka
• One part Midori Melon Liquor
• One part Chambord Raspberry Liquor
• Two drops dry vermouth

Combine the vodka and Midori in shaker over cracked ice, stir and strain into cocktail glass. Drizzle the Chambord down the side of the glass until it is resting at the bottom. The result should look like an Astro Pop!

Blue Martini

• Two parts vodka
• One part blue curaçao
• One part sour mix
• Two drops dry vermouth

Combine in shaker over cracked ice, stir and strain into a cocktail glass.

Cajun Martini

• Four parts pepper vodka¹
• One part dry vermouth

Combine all ingredients except cayenne pepper in shaker over cracked ice, stir and strain into a cocktail glass. Garnish with a dash of cayenne pepper (or a fresh chilli pepper, for the brave).

Chocolate Martini

• Four parts vodka
• One liberal dash of vanilla vodka
• One part white crème de cacao
• Two drops dry vermouth

Combine in shaker over cracked ice, stir and strain into a cocktail glass. Optionally, garnish with shaved dark (or white, depending on your mood) chocolate.

The vanilla flavour in the vodka will accentuate the chocolate in the martini, bringing a smooth, milky, texture to a clear Martini. This trick was learned in the perfecting of the art of hot chocolate, which requires a touch of vanilla to bring out the flavour of the baker's cocoa.

Cognac Martini

• Four parts gin (you can use vodka, but it's not recommended)
• Two drops dry vermouth
• Generous dash cognac

Pour cognac into cocktail glass and swirl to coat, pour out cognac. Chill gin in shaker over cracked ice and strain into coated cocktail glass. Garnish as desired - although onions would not taste good with the cognac!

Cosmopolitan

• Three parts vodka (use gin for an added kick!)
• One part sweetened lime juice
• One part triple-sec
• One part cranberry cocktail
• Two drops dry vermouth

Combine in shaker over cracked ice, stir and strain into a cocktail glass. Garnish with a slice of lime.

Dirty Martini

• Four parts gin (can use vodka)
• One part vermouth
• One part olive juice (the liquid from the olive jar)

Combine in shaker over cracked ice, stir and strain into a cocktail glass. Garnish with two olives.

Espresso Martini

• Three parts vodka
• One part espresso - room temperature, or you will melt the ice and dilute the Martini
• One part Kahlua coffee liquor (can substitute Tia Maria)
• One dash dark crème de cocoa
• Two drops dry vermouth

Combine in shaker over cracked ice, stir and strain into cocktail glass. Optionally, garnish with shaved dark chocolate.

The crème de cocoa accentuates the Kahlua coffee liquor as well as bringing the espresso to the fore. An added touch that will definitely be remembered.

Gibson

• Four parts gin (can use vodka)
• One part dry vermouth
• Cocktail onions - two or three is fine

Combine in shaker over cracked ice (except onions) stir and strain into cocktail glass. Garnish with the onions.

Gimlet

• Four parts gin (can use vodka)
• One part sweetened lime juice
• Two drops dry vermouth

Combine in shaker over cracked ice, stir and strain into cocktail glass. Garnish with a slice of lime.

Key Lime Martini

• Two parts vodka
• One part Liquor 43 (Cuarenta y tres)
• One part sweetened lime juice
• Two drops dry vermouth

Garnish cocktail glass first. Wet the rim of the glass with a slice of lime and coat with graham cracker crumbs. Combine in shaker over cracked ice, stir and strain into prepared cocktail glass.

Lemon Drop Martini

• Two parts citrus vodka
• One part triple sec
• One part sweetened lime juice
• Two drops dry vermouth

Garnish the cocktail glass first by wetting the rim with a lemon slice and coating it in powdered sugar, placing the lemon slice on the rim. Combine in shaker over cracked ice, stir and strain into prepared cocktail glass.

Red Apple Martini

• Two parts vodka (gin will give an added kick!)
• One part apple schnapps
• One part cranberry cocktail
• One part triple sec
• Two drops dry vermouth

Combine in shaker over cracked ice, stir and strain into cocktail glass. Garnish with a lime, or a slice of apple.

Smokey Martini

• Three parts vodka
• One part scotch
• One part sweet vermouth

Combine in shaker over cracked ice, stir and strain into cocktail glass. Garnish with a maraschino cherry.

Sneaky's Raspberry Martini

• Four parts Stolichnaya Razbery vodka
• One part Chambord Raspberry liquor
• Dash sweetened lime juice
• Four drops Martini and Rossi Dry Vermouth

Combine in shaker over cracked ice, stir and strain into cocktail glass. Garnish with frozen raspberries in bottom of cocktail glass.

Surfer Martini

• Four parts vodka
• Two parts coconut rum
• One part banana liquor
• Two drops dry vermouth

Combine in shaker over cracked ice, stir and strain into cocktail glass. Garnish with a pineapple spear.

Tequini

• Four parts tequila (100% blue agave is best, but any gold works well)
• One part dry vermouth

Combine in shaker over cracked ice, stir and strain into cocktail glass. Optionally, garnish with an olive or two, a twist, a lemon, or a lime.

The Vesper, or '007' Martini

• Six parts gin
• Two parts vodka
• One part blond Lillet
• Two drops dry vermouth

Combine in shaker over cracked ice, shake well and strain into cocktail glass. Garnish with a twist, and keep your eyes peeled for double agents!

This drink was originally named after a beautiful² double-agent Mr. Bond loved. Also, the recipe later changed to all-vodka at the request of sponsor Smirnoff - included is the original. This is the recipe that led to so many good Martinis being bruised at the request of the customer. So please, if you love a Martini, have it stirred, not shaken!

Windex Martini

• Three parts vodka
• One part triple sec
• One part blue curaçao
• Two drops dry vermouth

Combine in shaker over cracked ice, stir and strain into cocktail glass.

And Finally

This is by no means a complete list of possible Martinis to be made and enjoyed. It is more of an introduction to the wonderful world of the Martini, and the joy that it can bring to everybody, regardless of taste. By all means, experiment and enjoy! Life with a Martini is life the way it should be! Always remember, no Martini is ever made twice, no matter how exactly you measure, so each one represents a unique and beautiful experience to be savoured!

---

¹ Make your own by soaking three jalapenos, sliced, seeded, and de-veined, and one chilli pepper in a 750ml (fifth) of vodka overnight.
² Of course!