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Discussion:

Take me to the gay bar?

Messages  161 - 180 of 2014

 
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Message 161 - posted by Spike, Jul 29, 2006

We do because it is appropriate in the venue - gay people make out in gay bars and gay clubs. It has nothing to do with taking the mickey out of heterosexuals, it's us being ourselves in a place where we can be safe to be ourselves without any hassle. There are zillions of bars and clubs for hets to do their thing and best of luck to them but I do not see the need for them to do it in a gay venue apart from wanting to intimidate us or to disrespect us. If anyone can tell me why hets 'breed' in gay bars and gay clubs then someone pelase tell me.
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Message 162 - posted by U2836684, Jul 29, 2006

spike.

there are times when no violence is true but there are times where violence will be the only way to defend yourself angainst an agressor.

i suppose these bars you go to were absolutely trouble free before the hetrosexuals decided that they liked the place and decided to frequent it,this i find very difficult to believe.because no matter if you are gay or strait jelousy will always cause conflict and like us hetros im sure gay people will become jelous of another man looking at your man.

as i have told you before i have been to gay bars and i have seen violence between gay men and also gay women,you are no different to hetrosexuals apart from the fact that you like the same sex partners,you still feel rage,and jelousy,and all the other emotions that we feel,so this talk about i am gay therefore we are not adverse to trouble is total claptrap.
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Message 163 - posted by U3810456, Jul 29, 2006

I SWEAR WHEN I GET BACK TO ENGLAND I WILL NOT GO TO ANY PUB/CLUB AT NIGHT DURING THE DAY OK BUT NOT AT NIGHT BEING BLACK I KNOW I WILL COME IN FOR SOME STICK ESPECIALLY IN SCOUSELAND
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Message 164 - posted by U2836684, Jul 29, 2006

well dont come back to england then<doh>
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Message 165 - posted by U3220267, Jul 29, 2006

Make your mind up, one minute you aren't in England, then you want to leave it!!
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Message 166 - posted by Spike, Jul 29, 2006

I understand your point about violence norant and the ened to defend yourself. I am fortunate enough that I have not been involved in any form of violence, not least because I avoid the centre of town at night. The one time I was on the wrong end of a beating was when I was queerbashed in 1994.

I alsoa ccept that humans are emotional and lash out with their fists and I have no doubt that homosexuals can be as physically agressive as heterosexuals.

I take your word for the fact you have witnessed fighting in gay bars between gay men (and presumably lesbians where fighting is more common). I have never seen it in 12 years on the gay scene.

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Message 167 - posted by U3810456, Jul 29, 2006

for your info mate i am in and out of the uk on a regular basis always visiting me mates ok!
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Message 168 - posted by Alexander Rednaxela, Jul 31, 2006

Windowshoppers, Are you gay and black ?
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Message 169 - posted by Mancgirlie, Jul 31, 2006

...(and presumably lesbians where fighting is more common)...

Quoted from this message



May I ask on what basis you are making this comment? I wish people would refrain from posting defamatory comments in order to defend themselves. Don't bring us into your argument!
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Message 170 - posted by a_new_leaf, Jul 31, 2006

from what he has seen

what anyone else has seen is apparently not important
...(and presumably lesbians where fighting is more common)...


May I ask on what basis you are making this comment? I wish people would refrain from posting defamatory comments in order to defend themselves. Don't bring us into your argument!

Quoted from this message

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Message 171 - posted by U2836684, Jul 31, 2006

spike.

i have to take your word for the fact that in twelve years of attending gay bars you have never seen gay men fighting?

and it looks like your comment regarding lesbians being the dominant force when it comes to arguments in bars is going down like a lead balloon<doh>

i would still like to hear your argument as to why you object so much to strait people being in gay bars,most strait people will go to a gay bar because they like the music,the people and the atmosphere,and not just to leer at men/women copping off:).

you dont really bring to the discussion an argument that is true based on the experiences of the whole,much rather you base your biased on the experience of one.

this is a thread called take me to the gay bar,and i for one would like to hear the veiws of other gay men/women as to if they mind sharing there space with strait people when they are out for the night.
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Message 172 - posted by Mancgirlie, Jul 31, 2006

I have no objection to straight people coming to gay bars. After all, we would be discriminating if we did and as a group, we should know that discrimination is not pleasant. However, the point of a "gay village" is not only to reduce the likelihood of negative comments from ignorant bigots but also to enable people to mix with like-minded people, which is something that makes those gay people comfortable and at ease - a feeling that a lot of gay people are not necessarily familiar with, having had to supress feelings for part of their life. Also, we should not forget that some (not all) go there to pull, which is made easier if you know that the majority of the bar's population is gay.
So whilst I have absolutely no objection to straight people coming to gay bars, I have to say that if the village became more straight than gay I would be disappointed that I had lost somewhere where I felt 100% comfortable of walking down the street holding hands with my girlfriend.
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Message 173 - posted by Spike, Jul 31, 2006

sorry if i offended you mancgirl. My statement was based on personal observation and was definately not emant to cause any fofence.
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Message 174 - posted by Spike, Jul 31, 2006

replying to your second posting:

I tend to find when walking down Canal Street that it is far more common to see mixed sex couples holding hands and it is almost unheard of to see a same sex couple holding hands. Ironically, that was exactly what my friend observed yesterday at the Pink Picnic in Huddersfield and I only saw one same sex couple holding hands, even at a gay event.

I totally agree with your hypothesis surrounding the reason there is a 'gay village.' People want to be around like-minded people in a safe environment without running the gauntlet of getting hassle as you would do anywhere other than the village and if/as the village straightens out then, as you say, that safe space would disappear. That said, even there we have tio be careful becuase you still get the gay bashers wanting to have a go at us and homophobic crime does happen, even in the gay village.. Yes, some go to pull but that has become a rarety rather than the norm and it is very rare to find people 'copping off' in the village these days.

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Message 175 - posted by Spike, Jul 31, 2006

Hi again norant!

Yes, other comments are more than welcome.

To directly answer your final point.question - do I object to sharing gay spaces with hets. My opinion is that it doesn't work the other way round. They would never 'allow' us to be in their bars/clubs but everyone always seems to expect them to do their thing in our spaces. In other words, they want our territory but won't share their territory. It only ever works one way.

I've given my reasons as to why I like to be in gay places, because I want a hassle-free evening/night around like-minded people without the risk of having nasty comments hurled at me by hets who appear in our spaces just to disrespect us.
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Message 176 - posted by Mancgirlie, Jul 31, 2006

Don't worry Spike, thanks for your apology.
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Message 177 - posted by U2836684, Jul 31, 2006

hi spike/mancgirlie.

it is unfortunate for you both to feel outcast's in a so called progressive society,i understand your need to be able to be open and to be able to feel safe in your chosen enviroment.

i was seemingly trying to point out to spike that a bar that is exclusively gay,and one that will turn away strait people at the door is a bar that is heading fo disaster with the local homophobes.

therefore it is upto the management of a gay bar to disallow any form of bullying,or homophobic activity to take place in that bar,if there is a high visibility no tollerence to homophobic or bullying activitie's in this bar sign......then that may go someway to eleviate the problem,and on the flip side it may not.

what i have suggested has probably been tryed in every gay bar in the country,and in some it may have worked and in others it may not.

if all straits are made to feel unwelcome just because of the few homophobes,then i can see an element of distrust in that bar that could lead to trouble,i have seen on other threads gays saying that they dont feel part of our society,saying that they feel as if they dont fit in.if integration is to take place then you need to throw open your own safe havens to people who can see what goes on and talk to them,if you alienate them then you will never further your cause.
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Message 178 - posted by grum_back_seat_driver, Jul 31, 2006

You totally don't get it spike, I couldn't disagree with you more.

If there is a law made that says 'no discrimination' then that is what has to be done, by everyone.

I am sure that you know what you are talking about as far as being a gay person in the village and other venues goes but you must understand that many, if not most, "hets" as you insist on calling them, simply are not bothered by homosexuals.

PDA's are frowned on by everyone because it looks tragic: if a couple of men started getting off in front of me I would object because I don't like anyone doing it, get a room.

Of course gay people get proportionally more stick than many other people but you seem to forget that the sort of people who clearly terrify you spend their whole lives being like that to anybody. If there are no gays to be bashed then they will go for "foreign" looking people, bookworms, goths, gingers etc etc....

These are the real issues to be addressed, general respect for others not segregation which only ever causes resentment and misunderstanding.

Make the effort please.
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Message 179 - posted by Alexander Rednaxela, Jul 31, 2006

Dont forget we dont live in an ideal world, wish we did but we dont.

Maybe you see gay bars differently to us ? I see them as safe havens, somewhere where I can go and totally be comfortable, enjoymyself, relax and not be looked at like some zoo attraction. You dont have to go anywhere to feel comfortable becuase you can be or go anywhere and cuddle hold hands etc and not get abuse hurled at you for doing so.

Its not our attitudes, were pretty open minded, we have to be. In an ideal world there wouldnt be gay or straight there would just be people. Unfortunatley a majority of people will give you crap for walking down the street holding hands. Thats fine, we will go to our local gay club/pub, but urmmm thats becoming straighter by the day.

Were discriminated on the streets, you get discriminated against in the clubs, until society attitudes change to make everyone happy its just something we all have to accept.

See I am on the fence about this.
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Message 180 - posted by Spike, Jul 31, 2006

Well said 4L3X.
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Messages  161 - 180 of 2014

 


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