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Discussion:

sex before marriage?

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Message 1 - posted by cshannon05, Nov 4, 2005

I've recently done a report on a teenager's view on sex before marriage. I'm a christian and have made the decision to abstain from sex until i marry, which obviously is far removed from the typical attitude towards sex these days. What do people think about the issue? Is the relaxed approach to sex that many people have a bad thing?
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Message 2 - posted by paultopping2003, Nov 4, 2005

Well done for abstaining from sex before marriage - you'll be wearing glasses by then <laugh> like these <cool><yikes>
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Message 3 - posted by tammy-westmidlands, Nov 4, 2005

Hi Shannon,

How u doin?

I do not believe in sex before marriage either, im a catholic.

But this is only for me, i think that every person is entitled to do what they like with who with who they want. I dont believe that the amount of people someone has slept with or whether or not it was before marriage has anyhting to do with how nice that peson is and what sort of friend they are.

Like i said, i have chosen not to have sex before marriage but i would never slag anyone off just because they believe differntly to me.


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Message 4 - posted by TheBelgian71, Nov 4, 2005

Is the relaxed approach to sex that many people have a bad thing?

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I hope not! I am biased for an answer, as I've been living with my girlfriend for 2 years ;-) but we intend to get married sometime in the near future.

I suppose that it's not so much your own behaviour that counts, as much as how you would (or not) see people who behave differently. But I wouldn't say that a relaxed approach is bad. On the contrary I would think that a relaxed but mature approach is a lot more fun than anything else.
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Message 5 - posted by Alexander Rednaxela, Nov 4, 2005

Sex is just sex. Its not a big deal. Sorry but how exactly does religion come into sex ?

Whats the point in waiting to find out after being married if someone is good in bed or not ? There are people that are extremely bad in bed and some that are extremely good, meaning your either compatible or not. A relationship is based on more things than just sex, but sex is an extremely improtant factor in a relationship. If your waiting to find out if someone is right for you and you want to spend the rest of your life together then its a bit of a backward way of doing things.

Does seem a very old fashioned view.
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Message 6 - posted by tammy-westmidlands, Nov 4, 2005

Have you ever been to a catholic wedding? Have you heard the words about honouring each others bodies which should only be done in a marriage witnessed by god? Not the kind of "honouring" people do on a one night stand! Obviously to you sex is just sex but when you are with just one person who you love and want to spend the rest of your life with, you dont really care weather they are gonna be good in bed. If you have never slept with anyone else before then your not gonna be able to tell if he is good or bad. It will be special and feel right because it would be both of your first times! And so what if you are both crap and havent got a clue what you are doing, you have your whole life ahead of you to get better! A relationship shouldnt be based on how good the sex is! It should be based on the relationship you have before sex is even a issue, based on how well you know and love each other!
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Message 7 - posted by Alexander Rednaxela, Nov 4, 2005

Yes, I have been to many catholic weddings. No I havent ever heard that saying about honouring one anothers bodies.

I have never had a one night stand, but sex is an important issue in my relationship now and probably most other peoples as well.

I have had a few relationships one of which lasted 13 years and can state from experience that some people do not get better in bed and are just crap no matter how much you love them. If you marry somone like that then what you going to enjoy? intellectual conversation for the rest of your life ?

Its not the end all and be all of a relationship, but it does play a major role. People have needs, its not like your going to get a prize for not sleeping with someone before you get married is there. Sex is a natural thing driven by hormones and chemicals, it has nothing to do with religion.

Obviously a relationship is based on more factors i totally agree but i did mention that in my previous post.
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Message 8 - posted by Ruddington Connection, Nov 5, 2005

What do people think about the issue? Is the relaxed approach to sex that many people have a bad thing?

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Everyone's different. I've never had casual sex but that's just me. If the two people involved in casual relationship are both happy with it then it's not for other people to preach to them (as long as they're not your boyfriend/ husband/ girlfriend/ wife). <peacedove>
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Message 9 - posted by reborn, Nov 6, 2005

Perhaps if I and other posters knew how you defined "sex" we could comment.

Fornication
Masterbation
Clintonation
Imagination

How far are you willing to go ?
I've recently done a report on a teenager's view on sex before marriage. I'm a christian and have made the decision to abstain from sex until i marry, which obviously is far removed from the typical attitude towards sex these days. What do people think about the issue? Is the relaxed approach to sex that many people have a bad thing?

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Message 10 - posted by robert, Nov 6, 2005

I understood what the poster meant. Intermate moments with a partner and abstaining from before marriage.
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Message 11 - posted by reborn, Nov 6, 2005

How can you say that ?. You can presume her meaning (if in fact she is a she), but you cannot state that was her intent. If "sex" is simply fornication what then is masturbation ? ...exercise ?.
I understood what the poster meant. Intermate moments with a partner and abstaining from before marriage.

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Message 12, Nov 6, 2005

This posting has been hidden during moderation because it broke the House Rules in some way.
      

Message 13 - posted by Chris, Nov 6, 2005

Sex is just sex. Its not a big deal. Sorry but how exactly does religion come into sex ?


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We're specifically talking about Christianity which condemns sex before marriage. Thats how it's related.


Whats the point in waiting to find out after being married if someone is good in bed or not ?

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Thats your opinion, but is sex really the most important thing in a relationship? What about when you get old? Can you dump your then wife for someone younger? I doubt it, because not many young women go for men over 40!

In my opinion, the most important thing in a relationship in practical terms is that you get along with one another and can relate to one another easily and on the same level. In theory the most important thing is trust and loyalty. To me it is anyway. Love doesn't necessarily need to be present in a teenage relationship because everyone nowadays has several partners when they're young, but in marriage it is of paramount importance.

I don't believe in no sex before marriage, but I think adopting the attitude that sex is the single most important thing is quite a sad attitude to have.
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Message 14 - posted by Chris, Nov 6, 2005

If you marry somone like that then what you going to enjoy? intellectual conversation for the rest of your life ?

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If you love each other enough and everything else is fine apart from the 'bedroom department' (!!) then you should be able to work together to understand and overcome concerns and problems with your sex life. It sounds sad and it sounds like something from 'Dear Deidre' but I'm just proving that you don't have to just have fantastic sex to hold you together. Loyalty, compassion, understanding, trust, kindness and adoration are a few things that I consider to be more important than sex in a long-term relationship.

In a casual relationship it's different, and as long as the two people involved are truly happy then it doesn't matter what people think or wht they're doing.
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Message 15, Nov 6, 2005

This posting has been hidden during moderation because it broke the House Rules in some way.
      

Message 16 - posted by Alexander Rednaxela, Nov 7, 2005

Chris,

I like the way you decided to quote me on parts of my post and not the parts where I said IT IS NOT THE END ALL AND BE ALL OF A RELATIONSHIP. So please dont be so selective in what you chose to quote me on which twists what i said.

Also If your going to discuss sex, dont presume that everyone is straight because not everyone is.

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Message 17 - posted by tyke_bhoy, Nov 7, 2005

Chris,
I like the way you decided to quote me on parts of my post and not the parts where I said IT IS NOT THE END ALL AND BE ALL OF A RELATIONSHIP. So please dont be so selective in what you chose to quote me on which twists what i said.

Also If your going to discuss sex, dont presume that everyone is straight because not everyone is.

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Unfortunately Chris is infamous for only posting "half the story" and you can substitute either truth and quote for story. He does this to suit his political intrests and the party he supports isn't too keen on same sex relationships as it considers these to be "very un-British".
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Message 18 - posted by Chris, Nov 8, 2005

If you love each other enough and everything else is fine apart from the 'bedroom department' (!!) then you should be able to work together to understand and overcome concerns and problems with your sex life. It sounds sad and it sounds like something from 'Dear Deidre' but I'm just proving that you don't have to just have fantastic sex to hold you together. Loyalty, compassion, understanding, trust, kindness and adoration are a few things that I consider to be more important than sex in a long-term relationship.

In a casual relationship it's different, and as long as the two people involved are truly happy then it doesn't matter what people think or wht they're doing.

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That's what I wrote to you. Is there anything in there where I have even hinted that I am talking about a heterosexual relationship?

Perhaps you don't think that Loyalty, compassion, understanding, trust, kindness and adoration can be present in a gay relationship, and that's why you presume I'm talking about straight relationships only?!
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Message 19 - posted by Chris, Nov 8, 2005



Unfortunately Chris is infamous for only posting "half the story" and you can substitute either truth and quote for story. He does this to suit his political intrests and the party he supports isn't too keen on same sex relationships as it considers these to be "very un-British".

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Tyke Bhoy, where did gay/straight come into this conversation? Oh thats it - when someone else assumed I was only talking about straight relationships. I haven't even hinted on this thread that I was talking about straight or gay relationships.

Your ability to twist absolutely ANY thread which I comment on into a political debate and an anti-BNP rant is absolutely outstanding. I've never seen anything like it!

By the way, I'm not bothered about gay relationships as long as it doesn't get shoved in your face as 'great' and 'fantastic' and 'different'.
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Message 20 - posted by Liver_boi, Nov 10, 2005

BNP, Religion...! Gay and those two don't mix at all. The idea of sex before should be up to the people involved and in my life the fact of having sex causes enough comment, before after or during lol.
Two people loving each other is surely all that counts in the end. ;-)
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