This week, Richard takes the scenic route.

Sad news as the finest TV show of the moment, Smallville (C4 Sun 20 July 03 from 5.50pm), has finished its run. In this double-bill, Clarke and Lana finally nosh (which is frankly tragic) while poor, lovely Chloe is booted firmly into touch. But then Clarke finally finds out the truth and has to face up to his destiny, in this case wearing his kecks outside his trousers. The final dénouement is unbelievably gripping. I don’t want to spoil things, but the score does suddenly belt into the theme of the original Christopher Reeve films, and Martha Kent is seen knitting a pair of blue and red long johns. There’s a new series in 2004 but, personally, I can’t see where they can go from here. So long! friend.

BBC1 is fast turning into Daily Mail Island. Asylum Day: You The Judge (BBC1 Weds 23 July 03 8pm) is, unbelievably, one of those vote things where a panel (and us) gets to decide if four people get asylum in this country. What a joke. I hope the Home Office doesn’t actually do it this way. If the taxis I’ve been in the back of recently are anything to go by, we all know what the verdicts will be, don’t we readers?

And finally, I’ve had my TV put in a bullet-proof glass box for Young, Posh And Loaded (ITV1 Thurs 24 July 03 10.30pm). That hateful Donatella returns with her fat public-school friends, their dinner-lady arms scything the air with daddy’s credit card as they seek out limited edition Coldplay and Moloko albums. One of them, Victoria Aitkin (the daughter of the disgraced Tory MP), is the lowest form of life to have ever walked the earth. She probably evolved from the scum left round the sink after her mother first shaved her legs. Aaaargh! Richard Berger 18 July 03