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Now Abraham was childless and he had little hope in Lot, he that lived in Sodom, sire any heirs any time soon.
And so one night Abaraham had a dream. In the dream he gave birth to his own child which was not pleasant. And then he began to give birth to his children's children and so on until the earth was filled with his decendants and he had a very bad back indeed. And only when there were more children on earth than stars in the sky (he counted - it was a very long dream) did the dream stop. And a voice came to him and instructed him to commit a random act of cruelty" And when he awoke he went and took a three year old heifer, a three year old she goat, a three year old ram (ok so it wasn't exactly random), a turtle dove and a pidgeon. And he took his axe and he did divide the animals down the middle. Though when it came to the birds after flattening the dove with the large axehead he decided to leave them pretty much intact. And so, now deranged, Abraham sttod by the sacrificed animals, fending vultures from the carcasses by shouting mild abuse and jumping up and down. Eventually, as if led by supernatural forces, a great fear and darkness came upon Abraham and he descended into a deep trancelike sleep. He dreamt that his descendants would be persecuted, first by the Egyptians and then by a series of other nations. He dreamt that people bearing his name and the names of his children and the names of people entirely not related to him would be scattered across the whole world and make money in all sorts of cunning ways. Some would sell jewellry in the capital cities of the world, some would become great bankers and many more would just become great merchants. Then he began to dream of the many Jews that would not be so fortunate, and as he watched his dream a terrific great horror came upon him, when in he was forced to sit through two Mel Brook's films and the entire later works of Woody Allen. Abraham awoke crying and was so afeared for the future that he contemplated getting a vasectomy for forty days and forty nights. A2506501 <Prev ~ Next> A2506547
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