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Lunching with Arsene

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Danny Baker

Lions & Tigers & Bears (oh my),

At lunch with Arsene Wenger recently I couldn't help feeling he desperately wanted to unburden himself of something and yet I had no wish to become his sounding board yet again. Instead he spends the meal merely picking at his herring and repeating his regular mantra that the British haven't a clue about sauces. Eventually, just to cheer him up, I start laying into Liverpool.

"That dreadful sourpuss in charge," I begin, hoping he won't think I'm attacking him instead, "has reduced all the majesty, exhuberance, chaos and beauty of football to a grim diagram. As though the game were a flat cold mental equation instead of the superb untamed vicious ball of fangs we all know it is."

But it's no good. He pushes his plate aside and I begin to suspect he feels his players don't love him anymore and are pulling faces behind his back in training.

However something must have sunk in because today I read that he feels this season is a bit of a washout and only the national joy of Chelsea's total collapse has stalled most supporters from hurling their season tickets into the nearest duckpond.

On that, I have now stopped taking calls at home from both Peter Kenyon and Scolari himself and left strict instructions that if they should try to get through on tonight's 606 - Kenyon has something of a gift in making his voice sound like a middle aged woman - they must be barred. The mess they have got themselves into is entirely of their own egotistic making and I am long past the point of giving Chelsea any more free advice.

We have enough on our plate in our break-neck twisted programme as it is. Tonight: other than dog-mess, what has been found on a football pitch? In games you have actually played in - what is the greatest lead ever thrown away? Also, just to pep up a park game, what variations have you introduced to the match to add a little zip?

Lastly, something we began last Tuesday: other than players and backroom politics what one thing would you change about the team you support?

Oh Lord, there goes the phone. Well, I'm not in, OK?

DB

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posted Jan 14, 2009

being an oldham fan the only thing i would change about my club is to move the location of that mob down the road to london so they can be with all their fans.sick of the red muppets bleatin on about being world champs and kissing the portugueses ballarenas posteria.they all hated him in august when they thought he was going to sunnier climes.now he the best thing since slice bread.FICKLE is the word that comes to mind ha ha

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posted Jan 14, 2009

go away Danny Baker...you are a waste of License Fee payers Money.
What utter drivel you have written...A 11 year old could have done better...quit Tuesday's 606..its about Football and how old are you still dressed up as a Pirate...please Izzy Clarke...stay away from this idiot.

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posted Jan 14, 2009

If you don't get the humour and it was Danny Baker who started 606, then stick to Talksport
and do us all a favour.
doh

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posted Jan 14, 2009

Other than dog-mess, what has been found on a football pitch?

> A burnt out car, but it was a pitch in Newcastle in the early nineties. Probably more cars than dog mess at the time.


In games you have actually played in - what is the greatest lead ever thrown away?

> 6-0 at half time on a very windy pitch. Lost 7-6.


What variations have you introduced to the match to add a little zip?

> None, but there was a local ref who used 'rugby rules' and would bring a free kick forward 10 yards if the opposition didn't get sufficiently far back in time.


Other than players and backroom politics what one thing would you change about the team you support?

> The name of the Main Stand to the Taylor Stand (hopefully with a decent revamp at the same time).

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posted Jan 15, 2009

On the pitch surrounded by the Dalrymple Street student flats, Lochee, Dundee, a small confer ladies and gentlemen. Positioned (overnight) on the centre spot. Spot the operative word.....these people studied art.

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posted Jan 15, 2009

conifer!!!!

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posted Jan 16, 2009

Hi Danny and Izzy. A related Dimitar Berbatov incident here.

For a long time I have fancied a girl who works in the local Matalan. It was only whilst watching Euro 2008 I realised she was the double of Milan Baros.

Oh imagine my dilemma every time he got the ball (which wasn't that often thankfully).

On a personal level it was just as well the Czech Republic went out at the group stages.

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posted Jan 16, 2009

Talking of dog mess, who do you support again? Oh and how did you ever eclipse those dizzy heights of quick on the draw? Your talent is endless!

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posted Jan 18, 2009

the scene a grey Luton car park, the camera rises slowly from behind a 8 1/2 year old Nissan and reveals George Graham folding an envelope to his chest. He kisses it lovelingly. At last his Nounours Animals Titine the Cow collection is now complete. Thank god he's no longer manager of the Arsenal and he can get on with a meaningful life. he can hold his head up and say there is life after Arsenal, let Arsene do the walk of shame to the vegetarian section of the baby Bentley area of the car park. If only the voices would let him alone.

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posted Jan 18, 2009

Hey DB! My one suggestion, as a Millwall fan, would be a car park. Its a bloody nuisence trying to park round there. Many a time me and my dad have gone away with £60 fines.

And Mark the Red (in NL)

"What variations have you introduced to the match to add a little zip?

> None, but there was a local ref who used 'rugby rules' and would bring a free kick forward 10 yards if the opposition didn't get sufficiently far back in time."

Its not unheard of; seen it many a time. Rule was brought in in 2000.

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