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Real people with real awards

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Danny Baker

Oh Ye Gathered Handbags and Gladrags,

I always feel a little ooky on days like today when the date reads the same forward as backwards. Tonight at exactly 10.09pm the time and date will read in reverse... no hang on I've got this wrong haven't I? Yes now I write it down it's nothing of the sort. I think I was thinking of the year 898 - it happened a lot in 898, on most days in fact.

So here's to the second half of what is shaping up to be the fuzziest year in football history. Wherever you look nobody seems to want to win anything much.

In the Premier League the big four are frankly showing all the focus and urgency of a full-of-terps tramp sleeping it off beside the old mill stream. With Aston Villa buzzing around their somnambulant posture like a eager, but doomed, wasp.

The press like to make much of this "wide open" season but that's all spin. It's a clumsy, muddled, backward season with rickets.

I'm starting to think whoever does lift the Premier League trophy in May should actually be ashamed of themselves. A decade hence, their tainted winners medals will fail to achieve even the reserve price of £9.99 on eBay.

Speaking of which, I have several medals and certificates myself.

From school, I still have my "one width" swimming certificate and my Silver Standard Grow-A-Daffodil scroll. For Silver Standard the scrolls were in black and white. Gold got you colour. Bronze, I think, were etched into a tablet made of clay.

Anyway, you can giggle and nudge, but what awards have you got? Not you Geoff Hurst, I'm talking to the swabs on the lower decks. Real people with real awards.

Let's see who was punctual and who had good attendance. Who cycled proficiently and who was a bonny baby. Then we'll all turn up at the last game of the season holding our prizes aloft.

That'll learn 'em....

DB

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posted Jan 9, 2009

I agree, as a small boy my uncle would travel to Britain on business and return with casettes of a very funney football show that he recorded on his boom box - this is how I learnd about your football and the poetry of Danny Baker.

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posted Jan 9, 2009

Danny you are the english equivalent of Chick Young. I need say no more!

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posted Jan 10, 2009

danny baker - affable clown

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comment by sdownes (U2041864)

posted Jan 11, 2009

Top quality article by Danny Baker.. And obviously on the ball...

If you have actually watched the quality of the leagues this season you will see that the money men have created a boring spectacle and they will drown in their greed.

Keeop it up Danny you are talking a lot of sense. And one the media should take not of if they have any brains whatsoever.

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comment by rajiv (U9995165)

posted Jan 12, 2009

Well said Mr Baker, another honest opinion on the state of top flight football.

Can we rename the teams (with alliteration) for the rest of the season,

Liverpool----Lumpypool
Chelsea -----Chintzy
Man Utd -----Man Undesirable
Aston Villa ---- As Yet Villains

Not very good suggestions I know, but you get the idea.

Long may the pirate ship sail the airwaves winkeye

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posted Jan 12, 2009

Well done Mr Baker. This article takes lazy, couldn't be bothered, arse numbing mediocrity to new and impressive levels.

sleepyapplause

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posted Jan 12, 2009

danny baker is a genius much rater him on 606 than the bore that is tim lovejoy or the misserable alan green

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posted Jan 15, 2009

Well well Mr Danny i have at last found someone with the exact feelings as myself re despising the newcomer Chelsea haters!

For many a year i have been railing against this absurd football club,even as a young lad in my provincial town i had an absolute and some would say irrational,hatred of the strutting fops that are Chelsea football club.

Imagine my chagrain when they became the richest club in the world. even worse when they became title winners.
But also imagine my joy at the one big prize they court annually eluding them,namely the European cup.

But i can console myself with the thought that it's a club built on sand and will inveitabily crumble to dust.

However that joyous day,when it comes, has now been hijacked from under our very noses by new Chelsea haters and i feel that my moment of smug " I told you so's" will count for nothing in the clamour to claim said prize.

I have been cheated, and there is nothing sadder than a bitter and twwisted cuckold...

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posted Jan 27, 2009

I have a medal for coming 3rd out of 4! in my school sports day yet no one cared the I did the 400 meters in 5 mins

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