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Let's have some Formula Fun!Formula One by Robbo Robson (U5722413) 09 June 2008   I have to say of all the sports that get rammed down our throats, Formula 1 is the one that sets me teeth on edge the most. I sometimes think it'd be nice if Raikkonen and co had the same mechanics as I doDerek 'Robbo' Robson Now I'm not saying there isn't a lot of skill involved in motor racing. To be frank if I could drive a car at 200 mph and hum like Perry Como, I'd feel pretty cool, too. Lewis Hamilton is doing his best to make the sport's appeal broader, by treating every 10th race like a stock-car meet. And of course the technical wizardry that goes into a Formula 1 car is impressive too, if you like that sort of thing. Trouble is I've never had any time for blokes whose opening gambit in a conversation is "So, what are you driving these days?" "A car" is my answer. But if you are one of these blokes who dreams of holding hands with Clarkson, Hammond and May as they play Michael Bentine's Potty Time with assorted vehicles – and to be fair when they're not measuring each other's favourite dream machines against one another like teenage boys with a ruler in a dormitory, it's entertaining stuff - then there's just no telling you how dull F1 is. Of course, after the pit-lane prangs, petrol-heads are going on about how exciting this season's been, but by and large, no one overtakes anyone – especially at that hymn to wealthy self-interest, Monte Carlo – and the only interesting things happen in the pits. Now pardon me, but when I take my car in for a service I don't stand around getting excited by how quick the blokes are at changing me oil and tyres. Surely that's as dull as it gets? I sometimes think it'd be nice if Raikkonen and co had the same mechanics as I do. A few blokes lighting up in the pit lane could really liven it up a bit. If the Beeb are seriously interested in revving up a whole new fan-base for the sport where millionaires build cars for millionaires to drive round millionaires' back yards while being watched by people who find the phrase 'vroom, vroom' the equivalent of foreplay, then here's what I'd recommend: Every five minutes you will hear a recording of the phrase "Are we there yet?" Derek 'Robbo' Robson 1. Self-service pit lanes. If you're so bloody good with cars, put your own petrol in and change your own tyres. 2. Roundabouts. Here different parts of the circuit should cross over and it's just a question of who gives way first. Thrills and spills galore. 3. Pedestrians. These should preferably be old and slow-moving, particularly when using the newly-installed pelican crossings. 4. Everyone drives the same sort of car. That way you can tell who's the best driver. I know they already do that in A1 or whatever it's called, butI'm talking about proper cars. Personally I'd put them all in Austin Princesses. 5. I'd put genuine in-car driving challenges into the race too: Every five minutes you will hear a recording of the phrase "Are we there yet?" You'll have the wife in the car with you yelling "Slow down, you're not Lewis Hamilton!" - even if you are Lewis Hamilton. And at some point you'll have to consume a Ginsters pasty, a can of Fanta, and one of them Big Bags of crisps - cos the opportunistic bleeders in the service stations don't do small sizes anymore - without stopping the car. That should jazz it up a bit. It'd be a delight, too, if you could hear someone like Martin Brundle's expert analysis on the best places around the Silverstone circuit to stop off for a good punnet of fresh strawberries for a pound. Actually, while the news that the Beeb had bagged the TV rights depressed me initially, I'm getting quite upbeat about it now. We could revolutionise the whole shebang. With Premier League footie feeling more and more out of the reach of the man in the street, we could make F1 the sport for the common man! Latest 10 commentsRead members' comments or add your own
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rollthereefer (U6552510) posted Jun 10, 2008 Beeb should just stick with Moto GP, that's proper racing. Although I would like to see man of much mouth and paltry trousers Robbo in a F1 car at 200 mph... especially if he's made to clean the seat after!!
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Robbo Robson (U5722413) posted Jun 10, 2008 fair enough - although i wouldn't be wearing me paltry trousers - probably me thick brown cords.
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xxAlisonBxx (U12276791) posted Jun 10, 2008 The most entertaining thing I ever saw in F1 was when it started to rain during the parade lap and cars were pirouetting off in all directions. So I think every circuit should have a water cannon that can be turned on at random intervals during the race.
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Red_Rampage (U8441892) posted Jun 10, 2008 I got into forula one last year when i spent the majority of my sunday afternoons trying to catch up with my art coursework! Its alright i guess, but i dont really understand the different between attacking, defending, broing and exciting driving........ it all just looks like a bunch of cars (albeit, superfast cars) goin round the same track a pointless number of times
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Robbo Robson (U5722413) posted Jun 10, 2008 comment by xxAlisonBxx (U12276791)
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andy-i (U9578159) posted Jun 10, 2008 obbo, you talk complete rubbish, if f1 wasnt so gd why would millions across world tune in to see it? Its more popular than football globally which by the way is a total waste of time. Once your skilled at something then maybe you might appreciate what it takes a bit more. sure F1 is more popular than football  How many people watch the world cup you muppet
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pablo escobar (U11042867) posted Jun 10, 2008 Robbo I really do enjoy reading most of your articles. I love them but this one is a bit weak in argument. F1 is a talented sport. The drivers are supreme athletes who have the reflexes of very few in this world. They take incredible gforces whilst racing and their bodies go through quite a battering. they lose an average of 5kilos of body wieght per race. Thats why you see them guzzling on liquid right after the race. Although it might seem boring to most F1 races do have their share of drama. Last year battles between Alonso and Hamilton on track and off, the lighting speed racing of Raikkonen who from the brink to win it. In the past great battles between Senna, Stewart etc... The high life, riches have always been part and parcel of F1 the glitz and glamour and the jewel in the crown Monte Carlo GP has always been very special. A test for true racing drivers. A hard track. Glitz and glamour are in most sports nowadays but has been in F1 since the beginning. Does not take away the fact that you need to be a supreme athlete to take part and you need to have nerves of steel. Will never in my opinion be as big as footie . Football has truly the most global of sports and has the most passion amongst most sporting fans around the world. Partly because of the fact all you need is a football amongst 22 players and any surface to play it.
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NeilG42 (U1826671) posted Jun 10, 2008 Comment by Robbo Robson
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EuroPaddy (U12123795) posted Jun 11, 2008 From a spectator point of view, F1 is by far the dullest of all motorsports. The (unquestionable) skill of the driver has been surpassed by team tactics, the abilities of the pit crew, and the bloke in the white coat who created the formula for the tyres. They're racing against the clock rather than each other, which is just not interresting. F1 has evolved from a once glamorous spectacle into a tacky debacle. Don't be a lemming - there's lots of other motorsports to enjoy.
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