Chilling, wasn’t it, that dance along the touchline? Like watching your dad dancing to Beyonce’s ‘Crazy In Love’. Like watching a buffalo trying to get airborne.

Frankly it was exactly what I’d have done. Made me shiver but sadly you can’t take it away from the Govan Beetroot. He has done a magnificent job with a potentially great team.

In the name of old-fashioned grudgery, the win at Wigan wasn’t exactly fair. Steve Bennett was very helpful. That was a definite handball by Ferdinand. But football’s biggest question at the end of a frenetic Sunday was ‘How come Paul Scholes has never learnt to tackle?’ The lad’s a certified genius with the ball at his feet, but put it at someone else’s and he approaches the problem like Clouseau’s assistant, Kato.

There’s not a lot of difference between a Scholesy challenge and an out-of-control shopping trolley. He should’ve been off, for Gawd’s sake. In fact the only reason Bennett didn’t give United a second penalty was because Bramble chopped down Scholes and Bennett clearly thought “no chance, the ginger ninja shouldn’t even be on the park”.

Still, it was good to see Giggsy round the season off. If you don’t like Giggs as player or bloke then you are probably reading this from a high security detention facility. The only time he hacked me off was when we were watching the umpteenth one-footed numpty trying to solve England’s left side of midfield problem.

Football pundits the nation over will do that wise nodding head and patronizing tone thing and tell you that the success has been based on a solid defence. Rio doesn’t seem to drift off into la-la land anymore (at least on the pitch). Vidic is a rock.

Evra’s the best left back going. Then there’s Wes Brown… put him in an England shirt and he looks like he’s lined his boots with cotton wool, but he has been bloody good for Man U this season.

Course he doesn’t overlap much for Fergie cos Ronaldo’s quite possibly unoverlappable, whereas for Capello he had to overlap as the right-winger, Becks, was so stationary you’d be forgiven for assuming he was in the middle of a photo-shoot.

Man U’s other revelation has been Carrick who, up until this season, had been a bit of a luxury item – you could get the ball off him by running at him and going ‘boo!’ He had the Ray Wilkins role – look good and pass it sideways. But he’s toughened up no end.

He’s no Hargreaves but he can tackle without it needing a police investigation (Scholesy take note) and his passing has been forward looking and really dangerous.

The front three have been the real story, though. Do you remember when the men in white coats were being summoned after the old dodderer kept picking Rooney and Tevez together? Bonkers! I mean clearly he needed a leafy Cheshire care home and a glass of Chateau Taggart, while United hired a boss who was more with it.

Then there’s the lad himself. Not much more to be said about Cristiano, except 41 goals. Nani is like Ronaldo three years ago: talented, wasteful and a bit of a twerp. If he comes good too there really is trouble.

Aside from his knightness’s jig, the other great memories from a breathless last Sunday were of some pretty damn impressive post-season comments by some stressed-out managers.

They can come across as a bunch of whingeing buffoons but Grant, Hodgson, Coppell and McLeish were very honourable at the end. Fulham’s revival was the modern equivalent of rolling back the stone to find there was no one there.

I can understand Brummagem rage but frankly tearing up your season tickets during the last game of the season is the definition of the pointless gesture.

Chelsea underlined that they were just a tad too dull to nick it. But Avram continues to impress. Despite the fact that Mourinho’s departure was so fatal they appeared to have hired an undertaker to replace him, Grant has kept his gob shut and, even when the prima donnas were shaking their heads and not exactly backing him in the papers (Ballack especially) he’s got the results.

And by the way, all them Blues fans asking what the hell a Boro fan would know about entertainment… I give you 8-1. EIGHT-ONE!!! Admittedly a team of one-legged spinsters with a grass allergy could’ve turned over Man City on Sunday but nevertheless. If only all chairmen were as generous as the Thai doctor Thaksin (or should that be Thaks-Dodgin’?) Shinawatra. Demoralised and destabilized teams are always welcome at the Boro.

Time for a nap, now, everyone. (Except for the play-off palavers and the FA Cup and the Champs League final snorefest).

Wake me up in time for the penalty shoot-out in Moscow, someone.