Wouldn’t you know it?
Chelsea and Liverpool play a blinder and I miss it! From 7.52pm onwards, I was stuck on the A pigging 19 with a flat battery waiting for the AA man.

And no way of finding out the security code for the bleeding radio, so I missed Greeny on Five Live growling away with the usual "the referee’s a disgrace", "you wouldn’t know Benayoun was on the pitch", "the idiots in the corporate boxes are already tucking into their crayfish pate canapes" etc etc.

Worse still, the AA man arrived with the cheesiest grin on his face and told me I’d miss an absolute belter. I can’t be sure but I reckon the bloke hadn’t been in too much of a hurry to get away from the box and assist me roadside, despite my desperate attempts to convince them that I was a lass on me own.

Naturally enough, Drogba gets accused of being Jacques Cousteau and turns in a man-of-the-match performance, according to me mates. He reminds me of Amy Winehouse: very good when he’s perpendicular but still spends way too much time flat out on the floor.

If you want the Drog to be anonymous, it’s probably best to spend pre-match interviews bigging him up as the game’s finest sportsman.

I’m sure Lamps’s penalty will go down as one of footy’s great emotional moments. Why Ballack doesn’t take every pen is beyond me, but one thing Frank Jr has never lacked is bottle.

I’ve slagged him off enough times here – and others have been way less sympathetic - but that was a top effort. Oh, and praise too for Benitez – his team lost and it wasn’t the ref’s fault! HALLELUJAH!!!!

Of course, the outstanding question is whether Avram can hold on to his job even if Chelsea do the double. The facts are that his team, despite an incredible run of results, are being held together by very fragile threads that have a lot to do with Jose Mourinho’s influence.

If they do bag one or two trophies, you can’t see Grant hanging on to Drogba, Lampard or Ballack, while Carvalho and even JT might be fishing for a monster pay day too.

And if them players don’t want to stick around, why would you keep the boss who couldn’t hang on to them? Plus there’s the issue of Roman’s desire for his west London Coliseum to be a hotbed of entertainment. Day in, day out it’s been about as entertaining as the Chuckle Brothers at half speed.

Then again, how can you sack a bloke who’s done this well? We could ask Thaksin Shinawatra a similar question. Sven takes Manchester City to ninth with a team that was seemingly put together with a list of European club team sheets, a pin and a blindfold.

They beat United home and away, they score goals at Eastlands (much to the amazement of City season ticket holders who had forgotten that was the point of the game during Pearce’s reign) and they entertain.

Thaksin knows how to make money, even if his countrymen aren’t too happy about how, but I reckon he knows less about football than the average Alabaman backwoodsman.

City fans are up in arms, not least Noel Gallagher, who doesn’t understand and thinks it’s crazy - this from the man who wrote "slowly walking down the hall, faster than a cannonball", hmmmm.... But he’s right – it’s senseless. Both of them, by rights, should keep their jobs but... Sven for the Bridge, anyone?

One man who could still be in a job long after he passes on into the next life is old Purple Nose himself, Sir Alex Ferguson. Manchester United got by in positively Liverpudlian fashion with a cracking strike from an inspirational midfielder and a doughty defensive display.

They were fortunate to find a Barca team attempting to Arsenal the ball in through a minimum 25 passes. You have to be Pythogoras to imagine some of the triangles Messi and Deco were attempting – and there was no way through that rock of defensive impregnability, Wes Brown.

That’s right, Wes Brown. A man who should have spent the season playing "left-back in the dressing room" has spent the last three games reminding everyone that he is a centre-back really.

It seems certain that if Fergie lifts the Champs League a second time, he will become an official deity. His Taggarty face’ll quite rightly be all over Old Trafford forever and ever.

There’ll be hand-dryers named after him. There’ll be a plaque in the home dressing room saying "Sir Alex Ferguson raged here".

Long after he’s passed on to the touchline in the sky (if he goes in that direction of course – and I’ve seen enough footy in the last 30 years to know that God is a Man Utd fan), there’ll be a picture of him in the ref’s changing room with him glaring down and tapping the watch on his wrist.

It’s the final the neutral didn’t want of course. But maybe they’ll both surprise us all by going for it.

Good luck to all of you who make the epic journey to Moscow – sounds like the best bet might be down a gas billionaire’s underground pipeline.

Hope there’s no extra time or most of the punters’ll miss the last plane and it’ll be a night in Gorky Park for the lot of yer.

I’ll be safe in the Blue Bell just hoping the best team wins. I think that might be Chelsea - 2-1 after extra time (Drogba scoring the winner from a prone position with seconds to go).