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No longer at his Beck and call

by Robbo Robson (U5722413) 01 February 2008
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Derek 'Robbo' Robson

His first test: Fabio’s passed it - is Becks past it?

There's been a brooding sense of sentimental silliness about Beckham in the last few days, with some members of the press and revered old football men reduced to a bunch of soppy schoolgirls.

Even some of the regulars in the Blue Bell are mooning about like love-sick lasses saying 'It’s not fair!' and 'How could he!' For God's sake, pull yourself together the lot of yer! You're wetter than a T-shirt in an Ibiza nightclub.

Of course, David's been insisting he's fit as a flea, 'cos he's been training with that foreign club Arsenal. But to be fair, he hasn't really put his manky metatarsal at the mercy of man nor ball for months.

Actually, he hasn't played any proper football since he arrived in the most artificial place on God's astroturfed Earth.

Had McClaren not dithered like a debutante over wooing Becks back, we wouldn't be having this conversation. He's not match fit and he's been playing against footballers who'd be lucky to get a kick at Pride Park.

Still, cry the torch-song twerps, just give him five minutes, just five minutes, so that we can say goodbye.

Really? Put yourself in Fabio's espadrilles. Everyone's been saying Capello's the man for the job - tougher than a date with Britney, harder than the Times Crossword and with all the empathy of a cyberman.

Gone are the days of all that smiley sycophantic hogwash about Lamps and Wazza and Stevie G.

If Capello really wanted to put the Becks ton to bed, he could give the bloke a friendly five minutes and send him back to La-La land.

But the manager would be right to argue that, like a bloke in a Thai-dye dress, 'that sarong way to do it!' And you know what? I don't suppose Becks would want it that way either.

Some of you green-eyed monsters out there despise Goldenballs 'cos he’s cashed in on his looks and made a little talent go a bloody long way. Well, that's garbage.

Becks was a very good footballer, a very nice lad and, above all, a tryer.Derek 'Robbo' Robson

Whichever way Beckham's earned his dosh, he's always worked hard on a football field. The Real fans know that, the Man U fans know that, and if we're honest, England fans do too.

And to be frank, I don't think he's cashed in enough. He could have his name on all sorts of stuff by now: Becks's bicycle repair kit (Mend it like Beckham), Becks's worldwide delivery service (Send it like Beckham) and Becks's Funeral Services (End it Like Beckham). I mean he’s not thought it through.

(Incidentally, these days that movie'd have to be called 'Curve it Like Cristiano'. I can't quite believe that free kick against Pompey – it was like summat out of Torchwood. Ronaldo's not so much a footballer as a special effects expert.

I swear to God by this time next year the lad'll be able to bend it twice round the wall and in and out of the goalie's shorts before it hits the top corner.)

If football is a religion (and it's got just as much going for it as all the other ones, frankly) then for most of his adolescence, Becks was a monk.

He never got swept up in some sort of romance, despite the fact that even a man like me - and I'm straighter than a frozen snake - can see he's a damn fine looking man. But then Posh came along.

So if Becks is to finish on 99 (Don Bradman's Test average, so don't knock it) then we should be able to celebrate his career a little.

We won't dwell on 2004, when he took penalties like a nervous kitten approaching a wolfhound. And we'll pass on '98 when that B movie ham Simeone gave a great impression of a spaghetti western baddie and got the lad sent off for a 'kick' that wouldn't have hurt a daddy-long-legs.

Because he'll always have That Game – the Grecian 2001 game – when his was the only hair in the country not to turn grey. And that free-kick that sealed his place in the annals of footie.

Even then it wasn't so much that extraordinarily well-honed right boot that won him the plaudits, it was his non-stop work-rate.

So let's not weep for Beckham, a very good footballer, a very nice lad and, above all, a tryer.

We'll miss him when Lumpard lines up a 30-yarder and takes out a lad in the top-tier's Bovril. We'll miss him when Crouch goes on as an emergency sub and he gets the kind of service that would shame a trainee in a burger van.

We'll miss him when it looks like none of our lads are giving it everything. But we won't miss him forever, 'cos he'll be all over the glossies 'til he's old and grey.

Ta, Becks. And ta-ra.

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Latest 10 comments

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comment by angelicPMT (U5753185)

posted Feb 2, 2008

Excellent stuff.

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comment by Griffzilla (U1721211)

posted Feb 2, 2008

He could always start a campaign for the Police and

Apprehend it like Beckham

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comment by pidgeGULL (U1993804)

posted Feb 3, 2008

I don't think it's 99 and out, he could still be a valuable member of the squad, Brazil last year, who got the assist? who set up Crouch, one of the few bright spots in a godawful match?

His right peg still has it and if he is fit then he's good enough, that's why Capello hasn't called him up, because he wants him to re-earn his place on merit and I think that the key thing Capello learnt about Becks, he works best when made to fight for his place. Under Fabio Becks will still be here to see us through to the next WC.

120 and out?

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comment by pidgeGULL (U1993804)

posted Feb 3, 2008

set up crouch againt croatia obviously...

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comment by Foxtrot Sectumsempra (U10837869)

posted Feb 4, 2008

Top quality article as ever Robbo. It's always refreshing to read something which doesn't immediately prompt the thought "well I could do that". I have to agree with your namesake Mr 277 - I think Becks would rather not celebrate his century by running around for the last five minutes of a meaningless friendly. If it's going to happen, he wants to play the full 90 minutes, preferably sporting the Captain's armband. There'll be other friendlies when Capello can't play his first choice that this could happen. The manager is right to establish his best team early, and to make it apparent that he doesn't have Untouchables. He's got to build for the next World Cup, by which time Becks will be 35. If in the meantime it becomes apparent that no-one else is as good a player as DB then I'm sure he'll be welcomed back, but the youngsters have to be given their shot.

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comment by tommy2010 (U8297165)

posted Feb 4, 2008

He could yet get a job as an opera singer and when hitting a crescendo:-

crescend it like Beckham

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comment by rollthereefer (U6552510)

posted Feb 5, 2008

I still can't see how Beckham didn't get in the squad. SWP will never be able to cross a ball, and I just never get the impression that Bentley will win you matches from nowhere.

People seem to forget that less than a year ago he dragged Real Madrid kicking and screaming to the title in Spain.

As for his age, it doesn't mean anything. Certain players age like wine. Beckham never had the physical prowess to lose as he aged, and if anyone can tell me that he can't change a game like Bergkamp, Zola, Hagi, you don't know what you're on about, and they all carried on well into their 30's.

Capello may well have left him out just to dangle a carrot in front of him.

Still, he could always open a bank!! Lend it like Beckham eh?

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comment by corzellian (U9314173)

posted Feb 5, 2008

rollthereefer...


'people seem to forget that less than a year ago he dragged Real madrid kicking and screaming to the title in Spain'

Real put together an eighteen match unbeaten run on their way to the title. Becks played in the last nine games, not always for all of them.

The title was in decide in the big games against Barca.

Becks played a grand total of two minutes in those two games.

He was substituted in the final game when Madrid were losing only for his replacement to turn the game around.

That is how it happened in the Real World.

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comment by gardna (U9567768)

posted Apr 9, 2008

Becham is a model professional and you are a loser who talks garbage.

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comment by Mr_Jinx (U5351385)

posted Apr 10, 2008

After Becks total lack of mobility was exposed in our last international fixture, do you think FIFA should allow him to use a zimmer frame in his next game?

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