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Robbo's 2008 predictions Part II

by Robbo Robson (U5722413) 04 January 2008
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Derek 'Robbo' Robson

July

Wimbledon is won by Roger Federer and Justine Henin. Just to make it a bit more interesting they play each other in the men's and women's finals.

Good news for British women's tennis when Trinny Poshly-Toffingham gets into the second round after her opponent gets locked in the loo. In round two she loses to a Russian toddler 6-0, 6-0.

The Tour de France is won in the fastest time ever and the race is judged to be clean! However drug tests reveal that the lead car was packed with amphetamines and the riders spent each day desperately trying to catch up with it.

Meanwhile Freddie Flintoff is back at Lord's as England face South Africa! He is greeted warmly by the fans as he rips open a tinny and takes his seat in the Compton stand.

There is a humorous moment during the South Africa's first innings when Hoggard can't open the bowling cos there's a some weird white noisy creature flapping its arms behind the stumps - but once Matt Prior has been escorted from the ground, the match begins.

Lewis Hamilton's drive to victory at Silverstone is nearly scuppered when mechanics hear an ugly whine during a pit stop. Jeremy Clarkson apologises and Hamilton is triumphant.

Masses of flood water disrupts the British Open at Royal Birkdale. Tiger Woods wins after walking over it.

August

The Olympics in Beijing are a roaring success. America and Australia win a lot fewer medals when the swimming events are 'streamlined'. There are no silly strokes anymore it's just 'last one to get to the other end is a jessie' kind of thing. Miles better.

British victories are few and far between. Christine Ohorougu fails to qualify for the 400m final 'cos no one told her when and where the heat was. Paula Radcliffe finishes number three in the marathon but at least she avoids a number two in the race this time.

The Mens 4x100 realy team surpass themselves when Mark Lewis-Francis forgets to bring the baton out of the dressing room. He then tries to lamp the team coach after he feels he's been insulted. The coach explains he told MLF he was on the 'anchor' leg.

Apart from the cyclists and the occasional toff doing some messing about in boats (rah-rah!), there's no gold to be had.
Lord Coe is unabashed and instantly calls for Olympic recognition for darts, snooker and shove ha'penny in time for 2012.

September

Fabio Capello has made a quiet and reassuring start to his England management. The re-match with Croatia is a big test, however, and England come through it with flying colours thanks to goals from Gabriel Agbonlahor, Theo Walcott and David Beckham, plus a penalty save from Fabio's translator, Carlo Cudicini.

November: A warning is issued to low-flying aircraft around the Walker's StadiumDerek 'Robbo' Robson

At the Ryder Cup, European golfers trounce the Americans again. The Scandanavian team-members are very much at home in Valhalla. Colin Montgomerie isn't selected so takes his camera and his crisps with him as he goes round the course, clicking and crunching every time a Yank's on his backswing. You've never seen him so happy.

Ian Poulter becomes the first player to hole the winning putt in a doublet and hose.

In the Carling Cup, Arsenal put out a team of African and European cub scouts. They win 4-1 v Derby (and one of the girls gets a hat-trick).

Freddie Flintoff single-handedly wins the final Test - and the series - against South Africa and goes out for a quiet celebration afterwards, with Amy Winehouse.

October

England are held in Kazakhstan - until someone apologises for Borat. Upon their release, they sneak a 1-0 through a late Frank Lampard winner. Lamps was trying a long-range pass back which somehow ended up in the Kazak net via 17 ricochets. Maybe our luck's turning.

Joey Barton is the surprise name - and early favourite - in the latest ITV reality show 'I'm a Celebrity - Leave Me In Here'.

Great Britain begin the Rugby League World Cup in Townsville. (Townsville? What sort of a name for a place is that? I suppose there's a bigger settlement in Oz called Cityopolis). They play at the 'Dairy Farmers Stadium' but the game is hampered cos the players have to keep off the bit of the pitch that's been set aside as pasture.

November

A riveting F1 championship (according to Top Gear nits and their kin) ends in Brazil with a victory for an excitable Lewis Hamilton. He spins off at the first corner but this time he just keeps going and ends up completing half a lap in a straight line.

Liverpool are making handsome progress in Europe. No early problems for Rafa this year - the Uefa Cup doesn't know what's hit it. Meanwhile, Manchester City continue to make light work of the opposition in the Champs League.

And there's an exciting top-of-the-table clash coming up in the Championship where Sam Allardyce's Leicester take on Gary Megson's Southampton in what most experts are expecting to be a bruising encounter. A warning is issued to low-flying aircraft around the Walker's Stadium.

December

Manchester United's Christmas party is a riotous affair. Ronaldo wins musical bumps by a mile, Gary Neville gets injured during Pin The Tail On The Donkey, and Fergie is delighted that SrAlex Says is declared a dead heat after two hours.

Rio gets into trouble when he mistakenly takes his kit off for Blind Man's Buff and Wazza is told to calm down when he gets over-excited at the prospect of playing Grandmother's Footsteps. Fergie has every right to be pleased as he's one of only 10 managerial survivors from the early-season cull.

Alan Shearer takes over at Newcastle following the sacking of Allardyce's original replacements Ant 'n' Dec. At the press conference journos are handed stones and water for refreshments, but with one of his cheeky smiles big Al soon turns that to bread and wine.

Sports Personality of the Year is Lewis Hamilton, obviously. In second place is Fabio Capello, in third is Tranmere Rovers' on-loan signing....Joey Barton.

Click here to read part one www.bbc.co.uk/dna/606/A30605...

Latest 10 comments

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posted Jan 6, 2008

Top stuff Robbo, i hope the year turns out remotely like that would be bloody grand!

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posted Jan 7, 2008

nicely done robbo smiley

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posted Jan 7, 2008

Cheap laughs and poor grammar. Another quality Robbo column! Keep up the good work. Hack.

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comment by adam (U1295440)

posted Jan 7, 2008

Hi Robbo
No mention - or dig of the Chels. You must be slipping. Seriously though always abrilliant read, though i do miss the podcasts. Please bring them back

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posted Jan 7, 2008

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
comment by cloudwarrior

Hi Robbo
No mention - or dig of the Chels. You must be slipping. Seriously though always abrilliant read, though i do miss the podcasts. Please bring them back
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Amen to that. Bring the Robbo-Chris weekly phone calls back! And if "the Beeb" can't be bothered then Robbo can start his own podcast! It's not that hard!

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posted Jan 8, 2008

comment by Doyle United
posted Yesterday

Cheap laughs and poor grammar. Another quality Robbo column! Keep up the good work. Hack.

_______________________________________________

Humourless Glory Hunter who doesn't know how to construct a sentence.

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posted Jan 8, 2008

As a Leicester fan I'd say Robbo's November prediction could be pretty accurate.

I'll make a further prediction. After spending a collossal 350 thousand pounds in the summer, Milan Mandaric is unhappy at being second in the league and even though we beat Southampton 4-0 to reduce the gap at the top to a solitary point Allardyce is given his marching orders and is replaced eight weeks later by Paul Sturrock...angering many a Plymouth fan! We then finish 17th.

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posted Jan 11, 2008

top stuff again from the master. just forgot to mention 1 little tiny thing, i think its in austria/switzerland, a football championship wasnt it. never mind. i bet its not important

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posted Jan 18, 2008

Lamps was trying a long-range pass back which somehow ended up in the Kazak net via 17 ricochets - laugh

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